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THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!
(made in the USA)
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
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ALWAYS THINK POSITIVELY
You cannot always control your circumstances.
But, you can control your own thoughts.
There is nothing either good or bad,
Only your thinking makes it so.
Things turn out best for those people
Who can make the best out of the way things turn out.
It's not the situation, it's your reaction to the situation.
The reality in your life may result from many outside factors,
None of which you can control.
Your attitude, however,
Reflects the ways in which you deal with what is happening to you.
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What you see in your mind is what you'll get out of life.
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We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman!
THE COMICS!
the news
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use a squeegie
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for your own safety
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pardon me
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cute and cuddly
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refreshing
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don't go up there
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can't get it up?
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LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
yorkshire airlines
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gorilla grips
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The Toyota
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a quick wedding
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COOL STUFF
dear friends
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art
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Last week a husband and wife purchased a new computer.
They ran into some difficulties while setting it up so
they called the customer support phone number they
found in the manual. The husband picked up the phone and
called the number. A man answered the phone and the
husband explained the problem to him.
He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.
"Sir," the husbnad said politely, "Can you explain
what I should do as if I were a small child?"
"Okay," the computer support guy said,
"Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
____________
A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief
and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that
we always have long names, while the white men have
shorter names - Bob, Don , Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent
a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like
the white men, who live all together and repeat their
names from generation to generation.
Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic
Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was
conceived, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the
Prairies, because he was conceived on a day that the
big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the
world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our
capacity to live and the life force of our people."
His father continues. "It's very simple and easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"
____________
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a very beautiful
daughter who had one serious problem. Everything she came in contact
with melted at her touch. Many were afraid of her and nobody would
dare to marry her, despite her beauty and kind heart.
One day a wizard told the king, "If we can find one object that won't
melt at your daughter's touch, this terrible curse will be lifted."
The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition throughout
the land. Any man that comes forward with an object strong enough to
hold up to her touch, will not only lift the spell but will get to
marry his beautiful daughter and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamonds are
the hardest material and are not capable of melting under the severest
of temperatures. Alas, despite its element, as soon as the princess
touched it, the diamond melted! Sad and disillusioned, the prince left the kingdom.
The second prince brought a very hard alloy, thinking it too couldn't
melt under the most extreme circumstances, especially the touch of a
beautiful woman. Unfortunately, the same thing happened. The alloy
immediately melted after being touched for no more than one second by
the princess. Embarrassed, he too went away.
The third prince stepped forward and told the princess, "Put your hand
in my pocket and touch what you feel in there."
The princess blushed and turned away asking her father if this was appropriate.
Her father wasn't pleased, but said yes, do as requested in hopes of
breaking the spell. Ta Da! It didn't melt!
The king was overjoyed! The people of the village rejoiced in ecstasy!
The curse was finally lifted and the third prince lived happily ever
after with the princess. So what did the princess feel in the prince's pocket?
M&Ms of course --- they melt in your mouth, not in your hands!
What were you thinking?
____________
"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated,
"Hello?" Then a male voice whispered huskily, "I'll bet you want me to
come into your bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe and make
love to you until morning." "Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell
that from two hellos?"
____________
The playboy encountered a lovely young thing on one of his trips abroad
and decided to marry her. Blessing the fact that she was not only a
virgin but totally naive, he seized on the wedding night as a chance to
break her in right, and had her suck him off a number of times. The next
day the bride went to see her mother, and burst into tears almost
immediately. "Oh, Mother," she sobbed. "I did so want to have children,
and now I just know I never shall." "Now, now, dear, what makes you so
sure?" asked the mother soothingly. "Because." she wept, "because I'll
never learn to swallow that dreadful stuff!"
____________
Convicted of murder and sentenced to death, the shapely young woman
asked, as a last request, that she be hanged in the nude. Although the
warden thought this unusual, he felt a last request was not something to
be denied. When the condemned prisoner arrived at the gallows, the
hangman gasped, "My God, you have the most beautiful body I've ever
seen." Came the whispered reply, "It's all yours if you keep your trap shut."
____________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
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