Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Last night was the third loud thunderstorm this week.
I really enjoy listening to a good storm as long as
I am safe in my bed. This year has been strangely
deficient in thunderstorms but I guess that is the
scenario in a drought.
Once upon a
time though I got caught in the middle of the granddaddy
of all thunderstorms. It was about mid summer and I was
visiting with some friends at one of the frat houses at
Michigan State that could have been the model for Animal
House. It was looking stormy so about 2100 I started to
walk across campus towards the dorm. Everything at
Michigan State is about 20 minutes from where you want
to be with a 2000 acre campus, but walking and
busses are the only transportation allowed the first
two years. I had just started across one of the largest
parking lots when the thunderstorm hit followed immediately by a
torrential downpour. Someone had told me if you ran you would attract
lightning so I was walking and getting drenched and feeling like the
tallest target in the state. The lightning was close and each flash
lit up everything for a half mile around and then it would be dark
and the rain hitting you so hard even with lighting you could see
nothing. I was getting pretty nervous and was even doing a little
praying, nothing fancy just a request for the lightning to move
somewhere else and a car stopped and the driver just getting off work
in one of the buildings offered me a ride and dropped me off in front
of the dorms. I was grateful that someone had stopped be it either
human kindness or Divine Intervention. The storm itself continued
till about 0200 and was probably the longest and loudest I have ever
been through. Being around the Great Lakes up here storm fronts move
through faster and don't just stall for hours ...buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Elmo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel
manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly
at 8:00 AM.
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At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the
material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles.
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two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several
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says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood! me yesterday.
Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Groucho Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Groucho Marx was having problems sexually with premature ejaculation.
Someone recommended a topical cream guaranteed to prolong erection.
When asked later whether it worked, Groucho replied, "I came rubbing
the stuff on."
A guest on Groucho Marx's YOU BET YOUR LIFE television show was a
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husband," the woman explained sheepishly.
"I love my cigar too," Groucho said, "but I take it out once in a
while."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They say a smile is a gift, which is free to the giver and precious
to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and
sincere.
<><><><><><>
John finally got Jill into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.
"Slow down, Baby." Jill said. "Foreplay is an art."
"You better get your canvas ready soon," John panted, "because I'm
about to spill my paint!"
Car companies like Jeep, Hummer and Honda are now marketing their own
line of footwear.
Huh? Car companies selling shoes?
Doesn't say much about the reliability of their cars, does it? "Here
are some shoes. You're going to need them!"
In Utah a judge found that it is illegal to grab your crotch in
public. In a related story, Major League Baseball has decided not to
put any teams in the state of Utah.
It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees
are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles
under his eyes.
His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were
supposed to?"
He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!
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First Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You seem to have a good imagination.
Try this: Pretend there are two dice on your computer keyboard.
Got the picture?
Good.
Now, pick up one of them and imagine you see the spots.
What number is it?
Did the number remind you of your first sexual experience?
No, probably not.
Now put down that die and pick up the other one and look at the spots.
How many do you see?
What's the number?
Did THAT make you think of your first sexual experience?
I suppose it didn't.
Now pick up both the dice and shake them in your hand.
Are you shaking them?
Good.
I bet THAT reminds you of your first sexual experience!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Change Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs That Your Life Is About To Change
10. While watching the news, you spot your
spouse marching in a Gay Pride parade.
9. The bank notifies you that your paycheck has
bounced.
8. On a densely foggy morning, while driving in
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highway, you suddenly run out of gas.
7. You arrive at your wedding to find, two
ushers, four bridesmaids,
and six pallbearers.
6. You ask your doctor for a physical and he
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don't do autopsies."
5. The IRS invites you to a weenie-roast and the
invitation begins
with "Dear Weenie...".
6. While surfing the internet, you suddenly get
the following
dialogue box: "ICBM launch successful. Confirm
strike? (Y/N)".
4. You receive an invitation from the Oval Office
to "chew the fat".
3. You hear that your dentist has been arrested
for using radio-active material as tooth-filling.
2. At the vacant house next door, you notice a
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1. Your twelve-year-
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pickles and ice cream.
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Boy Toy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small group of dominant ladies were getting together for their
usual Friday evening munch. One of the ladies, who preferred a
military style of dominance, decided to bring her new, freshly
trained boy toy and show him off to her friends.
The other ladies gathered around as the dominatrix boasted of her
latest achievement: A Precision Penis. With that, she directed her
slave to remove his pants and demonstrate for the audience.
The slave obediently stripped off his trousers to the immediate
giggles of the small crowd. "Yes, yes, girls," the dominatrix
proclaimed, "It's ALMOST a penis, I know. But you're missing the
point. Watch this."
She stepped back, standing rigidly straight, and barked out the
military command, "Attennnnn-Shun!
flaccid member immediately popped straight outward, becoming
perfectly erect in a split second.
Seeing that she had certainly gained the admiration of her peers, the
dominatrix then wowed them further as she commanded, "At ease." The
slave's rock hard pole immediately returned to it's resting state
without so much as a disobedient throb.
"AMAZING!" the ladies shouted. "Do it again, do it again!"
The dominatrix, happy to oblige, repeated the commands nine more
times in succession, all with precisely the same results and each
time to the increasingly impressed applause of the group.
When she barked out the command for the tenth time, though, nothing
happened. A sudden hush fell over the room. An extremely worried look
appeared on the slave's face as the dominatrix once again issued the
command, louder this time. Still nothing. Once more, she barked out
the directive, only now there was clearly a disturbed tone to her
voice. Again, nothing.
The slave, sensing immediate punishment, bolted quickly into the
nearest room, slamming the door behind him in real fear. With fire in
her eyes, the dominatrix took off in hot pursuit, followed by her
feminist posse. The door never stood a chance as the sole of her
right boot connected with it.
As the door flew open, the group suddenly stopped dead in their
tracks. Inside the room before them stood the slave, feverishly
masturbating as though his life depended on it.
"What the hell are you doing????" the dominatrix demanded.
The slave, hoping to divert blame, looked up without so much as
missing a stroke and meekly proclaimed, "It disobeyed a direct order,
Ma'am. I'm therefore giving it a dishonorable discharge."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Being a virgin, Bob was very nervous about his upcoming wedding
night,so he decided to seek the advice of his friend John, who was
quite the local Romeo.
"Just relax, Bob," counseled John. "After all, you grew up on a farm
just do like the dogs do."
Right after the honeymoon the bride stormed over to her mother's
house in tears and announced that she wasn't going to live under the
same roof as Bob for even one more night. "He's totally disgusting!"
she wailed.
At first Bob's bride resisted her mother's attempts to find out the
exact nature of the problem, but finally she broke down.
"Ma, he doesn't know anything at all about how to be romantic, how to
make love. . . he just keeps smelling my ass and pissing on the
bedpost!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damn Dog
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The was an old woman from Kent
Who went to a football event
She sat near the goal
And opened her hole
One guess as to where the ball went?
There once was a chick on the net
Who decided to take a double dare bet
When she lifted her blouse
And clicked on her mouse
And found it was all soaking wet.
Said my Sally, out back of the shed,
"That's all of THIS, Johnny boy, 'till we're wed
'Cause what we just did
Could result in a kid,
And besides, I'd prefer it in bed.
Nick the prick had a forty foot dick,
He showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake,
And hit it with a rake,
And now it's only four foot four.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. He orders a drink
and looks around to scope out any hot chicks. He spies one at the end
of the bar and asks the bartender to send her a drink. The bartender
says, "Buddy, you don't want to buy her a drink. She's a waste of
time." The guy says, "Waste of time? She's hot." Bartender, "She's a
lesbian." Guy, "So, I wanna buy her a drink anyway. Maybe today
she'll swing the other way." So the bartender takes the woman a drink
and points to the guy who bought it for her. Sure enough, she gets
off of her barstool and makes her way down the bar where she takes a
seat next to the guy. She seductively says, "Thanks for the drink.
Would you like to see my tits?" "Sure!" he says happily. So she pulls
her blouse up, and he leans forward and takes a nice long look at her
tits. "Would you like to touch my thighs?" she purrs. "Oh, yeah." So
she hikes up her skirt and he runs his hands up and down her thighs.
Now she gets right in his face and whispers, "Would you like to smell
pussy?" "Absolutely.
his face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying teach good
manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you
were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you had to go to the bathroom?" Michael
said,. "Just a minute I have to go pee. The teacher responded by
saying. "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how
would you say it?" Sherman said, I'm sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back. "That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table, And, you
little Edward, can you use your brain for once and tell show us your
good manners?" "I would say.: Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment?" I have to shake hands with a very good friend, of mine. whom
I hope to introduce you to after dinner." The teacher fainted....
Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1093
The State Fair pt 3
Ginger: Where to next?
Diana: The midway.
Later...
Rudy: So what kind of game is this pops?
BJ: You pay the guy some money and then you shoot at
the targets. If you do well you win something.
Katie: I will try.
Bang bang bang bang bang.
Worker: Sorry, not enough hits. Next!
Rudy: I will try.
Bang bang bang bang bang bang.
Worker: Sorry, not enough hits. Next!
Sandi: I will try.
Bang. Cling.. Bang Clling Bang Cling Bang Cling Bang Cling
Worker: Good shooting. What would you like for a prize?
Sandi: Daddy what would you like?
BJ: Ahem, I guess the stuffed alien.
Sandi: The stuffed alien please.
Diana: BJ, are you going to try and win one for me?
BJ: I am not as good as shot as I used to be dear.
To be continued
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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