[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Speaking of uniforms, when a person reported to shore duty at
the Naval Station in San Diego, they automatically assigned them
to Base Security for two months and after some quick classes on
what we could and couldn't do we were given a night stick and
a Motorola radio and sent out patrolling the base. The uniform for
this was the working blue uniform and as I didn't want to wear the
old wool jumpers, I went over to the uniform shop and dumped
a paycheck into the new uniforms which were double knit and
easier to care for than wool. I was going with Sandy at the time
and she worked for Pacific Services which provided laundry
and tailor services to the Marine and Navy bases so I had a free
source for dry cleaning and alterations which most paid an arm
and a leg for as you could never wear a uniform two nights in a
row. It was July and August in San Diego and the uniforms were
a bit on the warm side but they did breathe better than wool and
we were assigned to an evening shift which was cooler.

Having all day off I made arrangements to meet some friends down
at the beach, grabbed a six pack and headed for Mission Bay. I drank
a few bears and when no body showed up I kicked back on the beach
in cut-offs and took a nap. I woke up and it was afternoon and my
stomach and chest were burnt to a crisp. I tried every remedy I could
think off to reduce the pain and damage. I sacrificed an Aloe Vera
plant and
cleared the shelves of remedies and I was still hurting, basically
one large
blister. I knew that the Navy took a dim view of people who got
sunburned and if you were put light duty you could be charged with
willfully rendering yourself unfit for duty and I didn't want to test
them
as I was preparing to take the E-6 exams.

Therefore I hid the damage and went to work stopping during breaks
to apply skin moisturizers and anything that said it would kill pain.
I
must have done something right because even though I was
uncomfortable,
after about three days my skin peeled off in one big wet chunk and
the new stuff was already growing. BTW in case you are wondering it
really stings for awhile after you pull a couple of square feet of
skin off.
too bad it was so thin or I could have had it tanned and made a bike
seat out of it... genuine buffalo hide.

Hope your weekend is going fine. I haven't received any comments or
pages on 9-11 yet so I suppose you have chosen to fly your flag and
remember that day in a personal way.... buffalo

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Short Chips
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"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the
harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she
thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've
already had it."

Persuasion was necessary, but the amorous man had finally gotten his
girlfriend between the sheets. In due course he made love to her,
finally burying his sword in her sheath and beginning to screw away.

"Be careful," she panted. "I think I have a weak heart."

"Don't worry," he said, without missing a stroke. "I'll take it very
easy when I get up to the heart!"

Thought for the Day: The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and
Kama-Sutra explains how.

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is
it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to
get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, that is true."

Bubba asked, "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for
making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and
fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"

"Cause I was thinkin' maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly
women I've been wakin' up with

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Danger Of Masturbation
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Finding A Cure
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Death By Viagra
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Mr. December
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Happy Cat
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Sexual Harassment
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Hunter 1
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Pope Chips
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The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase,
"Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed
that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind

The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti
Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that
they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he
could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et
Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

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Random Chips
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After several unsuccessful advances, the bachelor asked his blonde
and alluring but standoffish date "Do you shrink from making love?"

"If I did," she sighed, "I'd be a midget."

A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting,
checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her
bags. Noticing that her favorite suit had been badly wrinkled
during the flight, she phoned the front desk and asked to
have the hotel's valet service pick up the suit for pressing.
Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock
sounded at the door and there stood an elderly Chinaman.
Impressed by the speedy service, the career woman exclaimed,
"My, you come lickety-split!"
"No ma'am," replied the old Chinaman, "I come get laundry."

"Women should be obscene and not heard."
---Groucho Marx

A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some
course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention
to his replies.
"Are you feeling OK?" he asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with
every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my
condition?"
"Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began
carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News'."

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Relation Chips
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documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."

"Honey..."the wife said. "I think I'm going to the doctor to see if
he can find out why I'm so dull and listless."

"Great idea!" the husband replied. "And once he gets your sex drive
all straightened out, see if he can figure out why you've been moping
around lately."

A young lady visited a computer dating service and made her request.
She asked, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find
a suitable one?"

The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous,
sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to
accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't
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Message Chips
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Hi. God here. How ya doin? Why is it that every time I turn around,
some
so-called religious leader is shaking the Bible or Koran and saying
that
I, God, want everyone to "stone the adulteress" or "burn the witch" or
"send money to build the Happy Jesus Theme Park" or, in this case,
bust
up statues?

Let's get something straight here. First of all, that Bible or Koran
that they're shaking around? Heavily padded. Sure I told the prophets
to
write some of those things down. The good-advice parts, like bathe,
and
lift with your knees, and be nice to each other, and don't do roof
work
when you're drunk. But for every thing I asked a prophet to write
down,
he'd add about a hundred things of his own, stuff about when his
neighbors should be smote and why his wife should do everything he
said
and so on.

A lot of those prophets were thwarted writers as well, and saw the
Bible
and Koran as a way of getting their potboilers published. All that
begatting, and the swooping seraphim and wailing-and-gnashing -of-
teeth
business? All theirs. I was never really pushing for a Holy Book. I
was
thinking more Sensible Pamphlet.

The Ten Commandments, for instance -- what I originally dictated were
The Four Suggestions. But then those prophets got hold of them and
decided they'd punch them up and use them to spook their kids.

You know what I really want? I want a world where Friends isn't on 42
times a freaking day. I want rap and hip-hop artists to stop thanking
me
at their goddam award ceremonies. I HATE that music. Gimme Marvin
Gaye,
gimme some zydeco, gimme Bach. Here's a news flash for you, rappers
and
hip-hopsters, you're all going to Hell! So stop implicating me
everytime
you get an award.

And all those Aerosmith guys are going to hell too. Oh, and Christine
Aguilera? Hell city, baby! Wacky morning DJs, the programmers at FOX,
Elizabeth Hurley -- HELL, HELL, HELL!

Anyhow, I'm getting off on a rant here. But I want to let you in on
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religion heap and start pronouncing God wants this and God wants
that --
extremely small penises. Tiny! Think about that the next time somebody
starts shaking his Holy Book at you.

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Recall Chips
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Actual Recall 9-7-07

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Zencore Tabs samples found the product contains potentially harmful,
undeclared ingredients. FDA asserts that its chemical analysis
revealed that
one lot of Zencore Tabs contains aminotadalafil, an analog of
tadalafil, the
active ingredient of a FDA-approved drug used for Erectile
Dysfunction (ED).
FDA maintains Aminotadalafil is close in structure to tadalafil and
is
expected to possess a similar pharmacological and adverse event
profile.
Further, FDA declares another lot of Zencore Tabs contains
sildenafil, the
active ingredient of another FDA-approved drug used for ED, as well
as
sulfosildenafil and sulfohomosildenafil, both are analogs of
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may
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In other words Zencore may have the same effects as Viagra and Cialis

The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Zencore

1. At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at
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2. You begin to look at the dog with interest;

3. Your face is very pale due to lack of blood;

4. When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They
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5. You begin to think your mother-in-law is pretty;

6. Sunbathing nude outside standing, birds perch on it; Sunbathing
nude
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7. Everyone at the bank, grocery store etc....lets you go to the front
of the line;

8. Compared to you Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar;

9. You always lose limbo contests;

10. Lewinsky wants you to be President someday;

11. You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick;

12. You sleep on your back so you had to remove the ceiling fan.

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Movies

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plane crash
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plunge off the new river bridge
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Foot Ball Practice
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Monthly Man
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funeral Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim's favorite golf course was built right next to a cemetery. One of
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Jim tells us what happened next.

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pastor across the fence got done with the service.

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Toon Chips
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Decoy
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Deep Thoughts For Beer Drinkers
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the
worse for wear.

"I didn't sleep a wink," he told a coworker. "I was up all night
trying
to keep my wife's begonia covered against the freezing cold."

"I should be so lucky," his coworker replied. "When it's this cold my
wife wears so damn many clothes to bed, I can never get anywhere near
her begonia."

~~~~~~~~~~~

At Da Nang, a tough, experienced Marine lieutenant was indoctrinating
a
group of men fresh in for service in his platoon. "Don't never sell
these boys out here short! They're rough, tough, real blitzers! Never
mind what you learnt in trainin', fergft all that jazz and remember
they're battle-tough and take no sh*t. Don't let lem out of your
sight.
If they jump fer cover, you jump, too. Don't never take your eye off
'em." One GI piped up, "Just how near to the Viet Cong are we,
Lieutenant?" "Who the hell said anything about the VC?" the off icer
shouted, "I'm talking about my own Gunnies!"

~~~~~

Situation: Winter time in the south, aircraft flying along his route
of
flight.

There had been reports from other pilots of icing (a hazardous
accumulation of ice in various forms on aircraft control surfaces and
in
the carburetor) along their routes.

Female Controller: "N123Z, verify you have icing on your route."
(Pronounced "ROOT" in the south)

(long pause)

Male pilot of N123Z: "It's cold up here ma'am, but not that cold."

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2,000 years ago, Moses said, "Pick up your shovel, pack your ass,
mount your camel and I shall lead you to the Promised Land."

200-plus years ago, George Washington said, "Get off your ass, use
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town,
doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a
hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then
reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette,
the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window.

"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi
driver,
and the fare back to town is $25."

Ray Williams

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can you give yourself a 98 percent chance of beating cancer?

I think you can and here's the evidence to back it up!

You owe it to yourself to get the facts on these ten treatments...

Cancer Remedy #1: Discovered in America 137 years ago, then banned!
Yet a
noted cancer expert
says it has the highest remission rate of any treatment known.

Cancer Remedy #10: JFK's personal physician used this herbal blend to
cure
his own colon cancer.

Cancer Remedy #8: Used by an alternative doctor to cure his own son's
terminal brain cancer.

For more information,

http://buffalosjokes.com/cancer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1082

The County Fair Continued

Katie: Let's head for the midway..

Sandi: Rudy, win me a teddy bear.

Rudy: Shucks, I don't know if I can or not.

Ginger: Come on dad.

Rudy: Mister how does this work?

Carnie: You pay me. I give you this mallet or sledge hammer,
you swing it as hard as you can at this mark, if you hit it hard
enough to ring the bell, you win a prize.

Rudy: Gosh I don't know if I can do that.

BJ: I heard a guy over there say he thinks you look like a dog
he shot a few years ago as a pup and he didn't think you had a
chance.

Rudy: GRRRRR!

BJ: Yeah, he thought you were a wimp. He is watching now.

Rudy: Can I borrow the gloves with the opposable thumbs you
invented pops?

BJ: Sure.

Rudy: A-Rooo! I will show him. Stand back.

Whooosh! BANG!! GONG!

Sandi: You did it! My hero!

Rudy: Where is that evil-doer. He is next on my list.

BJ: First put the hammer down. I just said that so you
could do it Rudy. I had faith in you. You lacked the faith
that I and Sandi had in you. See you did it. All I supplied
was motivation.

Rudy: I am not sure if I like that or not. You didn't tell
me the truth.

BJ: For that, I apologize. You must learn to believe in
your abilities.

Sandi: As I do.

Ginger: Me do dad.

Rudy: Aw shucks. Let's get your teddy bear Sandi.

Sandi: You are my teddy bear.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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