Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Another Navy story, from the archives this time.
What happens to Navy ships when they are no longer
wanted? The proudest and best get turned into museums,
popular tourist spots in cities. They get a new coat
of paint and flags flying from the masts. Some are sold
for scrap and go to ship breaking firms all over the
world after being stripped of anything reusable or
that is authorized to fall in to civilian or private
hands. Face it the Navy is not going to let a ship
go to China with any technology that can be used against
us or let a private citizen have a 40mm anti-aircraft
gun for your yard.
The third choice after the ship has been drained of all
her fluids that might contaminate the ocean is to use
her for target practice. We know what every missile,
mine, and torpedo will do because we have tested them.
We were once asked to participate in an exercise with
the Mackenzie, an American World War II destroyer that
had been sold to the Canadians, served her Navy for a
number of years and was returned to us for disposal.
She had been towed to the Naval bombing range off the
coast of California and set adrift with all of her
hatches dogged and welded shut to match a ship at
wartime readiness. They had used some type of pyrotechnics
to simulate smoke from her stacks and with another vessel
filming the attack they sent our planes in. The planes were
carrying 500 lb. iron bombs that had been in use since
WWII, definitely of the dumb bomb variety. We dropped
over a hundred of them on the that defenseless tin can and
there were only two hits which caused minimal damage. One
hit above the waterline and another on the stacks. She
would have lost propulsion for a short period of time but
would have continued fighting. Of course laser guided smart
bombs or cruise missiles would have sunk her immediately
but we were still using old technology in the mid-70's.
as we watched a torpedo fired by one of our submerged
submarines hit her and she lifted from the water, split in
half and sunk in a few minutes. Still old technology
but quite sobering when you viewed yourself as a target
to every Russian submarine hiding in the ocean. Then along
came the 80's and a little country demonstrated on the
British what cruise missiles could do their ships. Our
cruise missiles were better than the Exocet but unproven
to the world. We proved our technology during Desert Storm
and people saw films of missiles hitting targets the size of
your front door from hundreds of miles away and life became
scarier. What comes next?...
Be careful out there, it's Monday... buffalo
For those of you interested in beating Leukemia
Hello, Folks... Ross here! ((o;
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to
her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film
and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had
any questions.
One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I
have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and
wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies.
Is this sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl
cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in
the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens.
Is that sex?"
"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the
other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled
with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?"
"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.
"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it
would take more than three guys to screw Sylvester
Stallone."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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d
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Bee Chips
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There man named Jose that worked in the fields of a rural country
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doctor went off on Maria's tit, I mean he sucked the shit out of it,
hehad her moaning and everything.
A week later Jose while taking a piss got stung right on the tip of
his dick so he went to the doctor.
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I'll be right back, I'm going to go get a shot that will make the
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Jose looked at him and said, "NO, no, no, like you said the old
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Threesome Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome:
Pros:
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2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
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Murder Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all
kinds of
mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite,
nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing
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wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had
been
friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man
about
his personal life.
"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife.
She's
made my life unbearable. I fantasize all the time about killing that
damn
witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind
of
untraceable poison to give her, so I may end my misery."
The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact,
violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get life in
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finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even
though
it's a warm Spring day. The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd lost
Lord
knows how much weight,and looked terrible.
The doctor asked, "What the Hell happened ???"
The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I
made
love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and nite." Then, he chuckled,
causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared from inside the
house. All slim and trim and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she
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she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new
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crazy
bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she only knew she has less than
a
week to live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky."
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Short Chips
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her
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it tonight!" In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and
explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
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owl until the female parrot arrives."
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was
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"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"
the parrot
said.
The owl said, "Whoo? Whoo?"
"Not you; you fat son-of-a-bitch!
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Toon Chips
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: "I had to take the bus the other day, and a gentleman asked
his young son to give up his seat "for the lady" - ME!"
Mary: "Well, that was just common courtesy, right?"
Jill: "I don't know. The boy was sitting on his father's lap!"
Wife. " Harry, what is my love worth to you?"
Harry. "Am I buying, or selling? "
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few
minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect
order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell
me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well
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Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said,
"Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found
us quiet, you would drop dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have to train men the same way you do a dog. Be very clear about
what behavior is acceptable and then give them lots of praise on
those occasions when they get anything right, and instant firm
correction when they do something wrong. Always use a calm voice.
Don't hit them, don't make them stay in the yard overnight. Don't
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tell them what a nice boy they are, and then give them a treat.
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc, I can't sleep anymore," the man complained. "I've tried
everything, but I just toss and turn."
"You have to learn to relax," the doctor said. "Try putting each
part of your body to sleep separately."
That night the guy crawled into bed, got comfortable and started to
talk to his body. "Toes, go to sleep," he whispered. "Feet, go to
sleep. Legs, go to sleep. Hips, go to sleep. Stomach, go to sleep"
Just then his wife walked in wearing a transparent teddy.
Her husband opened one eye, then lifted his head from the pillow.
"OK," he shouted, "up, up...everybody up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1083
The County Fair Continued
Katie: How does this game work father?
BJ: They give you three balls and you must land
one in the basket to win a teddy bear.
Katie: Oh you know I love teddy bears.
BJ: Note, the baskets are slanted and they are
designed that the balls will bounce out. There is
a trick. If you can get the ball to land on the lip
of the basket and roll in, you can do it.
Katie: Ah-ha, I have a plan. Watch and see.
Katie: Sir, here is my money. If I land all three
balls in the basket what do I win?
Carnie laughing: If you land all three in the basket,
you can pick any of the stuffed animals you see here.
Katie: I will hold you to that. Here is my money.
Katie slobers over the first ball...
Carnie: Hey you can't do that.
BJ: I see nothing written anywhere saying you cannot
do what she has done.
Carnie mumbling to himself...
Katie slips on the oposable thumb gloves and gingerly
tosses the ball into the basket where it sticks... splat!
Katie repeats the process with ball number two...
lick lick lick,,,toss.
a crowd gathers ....cheering her on...
lick lick lick.....toss.
carnie mumbling: We have a winner and hands Katie
a small stuffed animal.
Katie: No sir, I want that large stuffed dolphin.
Carnie: No this is the prize you get.
BJ: Excuse me sir, you promised...
Carnie: This is what she gets.
BJ: Ok,,,Officer,
Carnie: Oh did you want the pink Dolphin or the
blue one?
Katie: Pink, I am a lady.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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