THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"Advice is what we ask for when we already
know the answer but wish we didn't."
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I hope you are all having a great Monday morning!!
I have little happening in my own corner of the world
here in beautiful West Michigan. Altho I did read last
night that the main thoroughfair that I use to access the
quiet little side street on which I live will be shut down
for three months for , as the city fathers termed it,
"asthetic repairs". This means that in order for me to go
anywhere in the city I will have to go a roundabout route
which is at least 3 or 4 miles longer till they are finished
the repairs to the main thoroughfare this fall. And ironically, the
main road being repaired? it was just resurfaced only a couple
years ago. (ain't that a kick in the pants for a city with a
crumbling infrastructure?)
They are going to take the busy street and turn it
from 4 lanes to 2 lanes, and instead, the center of the street
will feature, "Echo friendly islands" in the middle. They will be
designed to be pleasant and add a beautiful appearance in the neighborhood.
Sigh. Remarkable, for a city that says it has no money for
neccesary street repairs, eh?
I guess they figure that since I don't have much to get to or
accomplish, it won't matter if it takes me longer to get there.
But hey, I'll have something pretty to look at while I am trying
to commute. Its a good thing too. I probably will not be able
to get a refill on my prozac script. I figure there will probably
be a shortage because the city fathers must have used up all
the available supply.
GO FIGGER!!!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
THE COMICS
protect yourself
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k071.html
modern goldilocks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k072.html
dear John
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k073.html
drink beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k074.html
lost little boy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k075.html
upgrade
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k076.html
the scienetist and the gorilla
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k077.html
a newlywed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k078.html
Miss Piggy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k079.html
Friday afternoon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k080.html
_________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Best Street Puppet Dance Show Everrrrr!!!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1695.html
Funny SOldiers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1696.html
A Crown Crust fit for the Queen's Jubilee
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1697.html
PUPPY ON FIRE!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1698.html
We were driving in my friend Larry's new car. I asked him about
its features. He listed the usual, then added, "It tells me to
slow down as I approach the speed limit. It warns me when I have
to stop. It points out solid no-passing lines."
I expressed my amazement.
"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife is in the car."
_______________
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in
his new Washington, D.C. parish. He walked to the window of
his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful
day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead i
n the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the U.S. House of Representatives for assistance.
The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is speaker
Pelosi. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be
so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with
a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but
we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."
___________
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and the heat was
up high. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.
"Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?"
"Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna
notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than
the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted her
advice. Sure enough, Jill's husband came crawling into bed and as he
pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled, "What the heck is going on? I see six feet at the
end of the bed."
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me,
count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, four... By
gosh, you're right dear," as he stumbled back into bed.
____________
One day, Curt died.
When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had
committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away.
He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his
income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would
be to sleep with a 250 pound, hopelessly stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.
Curt decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.
So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Little Johnny up ahead.
Little Johnny was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with.
When he approached Little Johnny he asked him what was going on,
and Little Johnny replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed
the government out of a lot of money... even more then you did."
They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as
long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang
out together to help pass the time.
Now Curt, Little Johnny, and their two beastly women were walking
along, minding their own business when Curt and Little Johnny could have
sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with
an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel/centrefold.
Stunned, Curt and Little Johnny approached the man and in fact it was their friend Jon.
They asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.
Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining.
This has been absolutely the best time, and I have five years of
the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand.
After every time we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to
herself, "Fucking income taxes."
_________________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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