Showing up with a taco pizza

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Jennifer Silverberg   

This week
First, something light: I wrote about Happy Joe's taco pizza, a beloved Iowa classic that people from elsewhere tend to find unappealing, for Bon Appétit's package of stories about neighborhood restaurants. This was such a great assignment, because the package is the opposite of most restaurant coverage, which tends toward the high-end, the trendy, the new. 
 
What's your favorite regional food? Tell me about it here, and I'll post a list of your much-craved faves next week. Please don't skimp on the detail as you describe what's great about it. Bonus points if people from elsewhere often don't immediately understand the appeal.
 
And last week's members-only content, a taxonomy of scammers, was the inspiration for this week's episode of the podcast. It's a delight, if I do say so myself. At least, it was a delight to record.

I'm reading
"It's not a food desert, it's a food apartheid." Anthony Bourdain and the power of telling the truth. The disappearance of a soul-food sensation. The Impossible Burger, a creation that’s never been found before in the human food supply, is causing some controversy. The seltzer wars are here. What white-girl coming-of-age movies don't do for a black girl. Neelanjana Banerjee on how her curly hair shaped her Indian-American identity. On invisible illness, gender, and disbelief. How America became over-policed. The heartache of a migrant boy taken from his father, a DACA recipient dies after being deported, and the feeling of helplessness upon witnessing this happen in real time. No one really understands the American South. The legislative assault by Christian nationalists to reshape America. The "tradwives" of white supremacy. Do millennials really expect too much? How journalism became a career for the rich. Paula Modersohn-Becker, a little-known German painter who laid the groundwork for feminist art. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie adjusts to global fame. When you desperately want to keep admiring an artist whose behavior is indefensible. Patricia Lockwood on Rachel Cusk. How the NFL is failing to confront domestic violence. Time's up, Bill Clinton. How the body-positivity movement really just limits women's acceptable emotions. 11 writers on the clothes of their crushes. Why artists need pockets. Revisiting some weird, singular Sex and the City moments and Hole's "Live Through This." Night Moves, Jessica Hopper's forthcoming tribute to being young and loving your friends and running around Chicago. (You can preorder here.)


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I'm looking & listening
Tiny Japanese gardens on the back of trucks. A woman follows in the footsteps of her fisherman father. Ta-Nehisi Coates reflects on childhood and fatherhood. My boo Aminatou on the Design Matters podcast with Debbie Millman. Teaching pre-schoolers their LGBTQs (which you can also donate to here).

GIFspiration
Not what taco pizza is.

I endorse
Sending a text. Leaving a voicemail. Just showing up on the doorstep. Checking in on each other.

As Deanna Zandt writes, it's often not possible for someone who is depressed to reach out: "It’s up to you to notice when something is off ." I'm one of the weird people who does not suffer from chronic mental illness, and I believe it is especially up to people like me to notice when something is off with a friend who has depression.
 
I tend to experience my friends' bouts with mental illness in terms of their absences from my life. One day I'll realize that they haven't reached out to make plans in awhile, aren't showing up to group hangs, are texting me one-word replies or not at all. They disappear for days and weeks at a time. I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes it takes me awhile to connect this disappearance with depression—after all, we're all busy. 
 
When I figure out that OH SHIT, my friend is depressed, usually I just reach out say what I feel, which is often something like this: "Hi, I love you and value your presence in my life, and I miss you when we aren't in touch. You are important to me. I'm going to eat dumplings and see a movie tomorrow if you wanna come with me. It's ok if you don't." I usually sign off with something like, "No need for a substantive reply, but could you just send me an emoji or something to let me know you got this?"

When I feel unsure of what to do or say, a thing I ask myself is, "What would I do if this were a physical ailment? What if this were cancer or arthritis or diabetes?" I might drop off something to eat. I might text a goofy meme. I'd suggest some stuff to watch on Netflix. I'd definitely send more regular, "How are you feeling? I'm thinking about you!" texts. Depending on how close we are, I might ask if they're seeing a doctor or taking any meds, and if so, how's that going? And if not, do they want some help researching or making appointments?

Alison Turkos suggests "How can I support you?" is a good, general question to ask a friend. Lizzie O'Leary says that "one of the best things a friend ever did for me was just lie on the floor with me, hold my hand, and not leave." Heben Nigatu says it was powerful for her to hear "I can see how much pain you're in." And I love Deanna's suggestion about putting preemptive measures in place—like regular check-ins—with your closest friends. 
 
It is hard to be a person, and it is hard for all of us in different ways. Acknowledging that is always better than doing nothing.

You endorse
@poconlineclassroom. "The account in my feed that doesn't just post killer memes calling out colonial/patriarchal/racist/sexist bs but links to in-depth syllabuses and reading lists to learn more! My absolute go-to for the voices and authors they didn't me teach in school." -Anonymous
 
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