Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
About three weeks ago they cut my thyroid medication in half to
bring the levels down and told me to have it retested in two weeks.
Since I had quarterly test to do for the kidney doctor, I asked the
doctor to fax the test over to the lab so i could have them all done at
once. I got over there Monday and my regular doctor wanted
9 blood tests ran and the kidney doctor wanted five plus a urine test
for creatine. I got home from the hospital and the phone rang
and it was my doctor wanting me to stop taking rat poison and
rerun the test on Thurs before I came in to see him. Then the
phone rang again and it was the lab, they had forgotten the urine
sample for my appointment with the kidney doctor, also on
Thurs. Hopefully it is the fill a cup one and not the gallon one
and the doctor will have the results in time.
The reason I mention all of this is that my phone is ringing all day
long. The bulk are messages from political candidates and they are
all recorded, so I say hello and if I get a couple of seconds of hiss
then I know it is not a human and i hang up. I know that I have probably
hung up on a few people that take forever to put their cellphone up
to their ear after they dial but I figure if they want to talk they will
call back. Unfortunately for the doctors offices and the hospital
their all use a recorded message to confirm appointments and I
have been driving their machine nuts. Oh well..
Eva is in trouble for tantrums. Last week she kicked her teacher
and this week she threw a twenty minute tantrum that they recorded
and are sending us a copy. We've seen a tantrum before although she
has added some new dimensions that her mom didn't have. On the
good side she had a good Tues. and is being taught some new
coping skills.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Repair Chips
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A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife
interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's
been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it
look like I have a G. E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't
think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have
Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the
front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he
says.
"Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I
don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides
to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he
goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either
give him a blow job and fuck him, or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooooo! Do you see Betty Crocker written on my
forehead?
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in love at the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a006.html
nothing to worry about
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a007.html
that would make life simpler
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a008.html
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Super Bowl Chips
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Funny Super Bowl Quotes
"What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?"
-Julie Brown to Emmitt Smith before Super Bowl XXVIII
"How long have you been a black quarterback?"
-A reporter to Washington Redskins quarterback Doug Williams
If it's the ultimate game, how come they're playing it again next
year?"
-Dallas Cowboys quarterback Duane Thomas on Super Bowl VI
"I'll be glad to leave here.
I feel like eating palm trees.
I don't like this place.
It's for people with arthritis.
They come here to play golf and to die."
-Ernie Holmes of the Pittsburgh Steelers on Super Bowl X in Miami
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Short Chips
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A dog lover, whose dog was a bitch and in heat, agreed to look after her
neighbors' male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a
large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling
and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked
together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as frequently happens
when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, she
called the veterinarian. As it was late, he answered in a very grumpy
voice.
After having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up
the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you
back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~
During a commercial airline flight a US Air Force pilot was seated next
to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying
during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as
discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon
disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the
various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
"Gosh, that's a good-looking baby. And he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in
the baby's ears.
The AF pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum!"
Tom R.
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Fart Chips
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The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters
VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart
LAZY : Just fizzle
AMIABLE : Likes o smell others' farts
PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY : Blushes when he farts silently
IRREVERENT : Farts in church
SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts for later sniffing
STINGY : Belches to save his ass hole
TIMID : Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE : Can't fart at all
CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to
go
GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog
DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles
FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts
BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others
DUMB : Enjoys others' farts, thinks they are his own
CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating
WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit
DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head
MUSICAL : Tenor or bass, clear as a bell, smells like shit and
sounds
like hell
ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3
times
SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear
IMPUDENT : Farts out loud and then laughs
ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the
pollution
HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog
THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private
STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter
INTELLECTUAL : Analyzes the smell of his neighbors' fart
WIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion
SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying
AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles
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BS Chips
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Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I often used the
expression "Bull Sh**." As I grew up a bit and discovered it was
not necessary to use such crude language, that expression became
"BS."
Q. What did I really mean when I used those expressions?
A. I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half
truth or just stupid. It covered any number or negative formats.
The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially : foolish
insolent talk...
I have decided that I no longer will use either of those
expressions in the future. When I have a need to express such
feelings, I will use the word "Pelosi."
Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi."
I encourage you to do the same. It is such a good word. It
really packs a lot of punch. We are no longer being vulgar. But it
clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the
word could be entered into the dictionary. What an excellent legacy
for the Speaker of the House!
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Forgiving (written by Carol)
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Fg.html
Loving Thoughts
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John w/ Right Now.... Someone
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Pictures To Ponder
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Surfin Surfari
Mardi Gras, its history and origin and culture
http://www.theholidayspot.com/mardigras/origin.htm
Gift of Hearing Foundation
http://www.giftofhearingfoundation.org/
Children Go Where I Send Thee by Tennessee Ernie Ford
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwqWcn2gbTM
Paul Zerdin, ventriloquist without a dummy
http://www.boreme.com/posting.php?id=27735&page=1
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Tech Links
Secure Search Engine
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Animal World
True Duck Tale
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
Bear Rescue
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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This morning someone called saying they were conducting a survey
about Television, and I agreed to answer their questions. At some
point she asked, "Could you tell me what you think of sex on the
television?"
Quite truthfully, I replied, " I prefer the older models. I think
it has become extremely uncomfortable, especially when you got one
of the newer models, that are much wider than deep." She muttered
"Pervert"
and hung up. What did I say?
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. Bachelor: One complained
to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this
month, I'm going to lose my fuckin' arse." Too late he noticed a
beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he
apologized for his bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied,
"If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fuckin'
car."
The local Parent Teachers Association is running a lottery. "Third
prize-a 32-inch color television-goes to Mrs. Carson!" "Second
prize-a cookbook-goes to Mr. Jennings!" "Wait a minute!" grouse's
Joe Jennings to his wife. "How come Myrtle Carson gets a big color
television as third prize and I get a lousy cookbook for second?"
"That's because the cookbook is written by the president of the PTA,
and she's even signed it," explains Mrs. Jennings. "Big deal!"
whispers Joe. "F*ck the president of the PTA! "But that's first
prize."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young fellow of Harold
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrel."
___________________________________
There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains,
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
___________________________________
There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch;
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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The famous Welsh ship owner, Mr Lloyd, was having his house built on a
large piece of land just outside Cardiff.
He said to the architect, "Don't disturb that tree over there because I
had my first bit of sex under that tree!"
"How sentimental of you Mr. Lloyd," replied the architect, "That very
tree huh?"
"Yep, that's right," continued Mr Lloyd, "and don't damage that tree on
the other side because that's where her mother stood and watched me have
my first bit of sex with her daughter!"
"What?" replied the architect, "Her mother just stood there and watched
you have your way with her daughter?"
"Yep," said Mr Lloyd, "she sure did!"
"But Mr Lloyd," said the architect, "didn't she say anything?"
"Yes she sure as hell did," smiled Mr Lloyd, "She said BAAAAAAAAAA!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Adult Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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