Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Congrats to the Giants for their Super Bowl win. I have about a dozen
teams I woul have rather seen win because if the world comes to an
end in 2012, there goes the chances of the ions to finally go to the
Bowl.
Having Eva in the house is pretty amusing, almost on the level of
living at the Comedy Store or SNL. Yesterday morning I heard
I heard her getting up in the next room and she walked up to my
door which is always open because of the computer monitor next
to my bed that also blocks my view of the dining room unless I sit up.
Anyhow, Eva stops at the door and says. Help, call the hospital. I
broke my leg.
I thought for a second and said, Your leg can't be broke, You walked
here from your room a minute ago. A second later I heard a thump
from the doorway, and asked what had happened.
Eva said, I fell down because my leg is broken. I told her to go back
to bed or her butt would be broken.
Last week Eva and I were talking as Buffy got up and walked thrrough
the living room. I said, Have you ever noticed that your mom looks like
Godzilla when she gets up in the morning.
Eva says, I know and knowing she loves Chucky and Freddy Krueger
she probably knows who Godzillais too.
I told her we could probably shoot movies of her and sell them to the
Japanese.
Eva said, Grandpa. that's not very nice. It is great that she is
learning
a good sense of humor but a sense of fair play too.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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The week I started a new job, my husband was out of
town. On the day he was to return, I thought it would
be fun if he picked me up at work and we could go out
to dinner. I left a note on our dining-room table with
my new number and this message: "For a good time, call 555-1234."
When my husband failed to show up, I took the bus
home. "Where were you?" I asked. "Didn't you get my
note?"
"Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure
who wrote it."
It was at a cocktail party and the guy was getting
nowhere with a really stunning blonde. Finally, he
consulted the host - a buddy - about the situation and
the latter thought a bit, then said, "Look let me mix
her up one of my special Zombies. It'll get her so
stiff that she'll go to bed with ya just like your
wife."
"Hell no." reacted the guy. "I don't want her THAT
stiff."
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doggie restaurant
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z056.html
won't take long
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z057.html
toys
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z058.html
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Penis Chips
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Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when
Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a
corkscrew.
"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."
"Like what?" Martin said. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.
"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.
"Straight, like normal," Gary said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a
shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.
"What did you do that for?" Martin said.
"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."
"&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
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Oriental Chips
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On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to
spend his last night having wild sex with an
oriental lady of the evening. After returning
home -- about three weeks later, he noticed a
oozing green sore on his manhood.
Joe went to see Dr. Jones. He told the doctor
about his trip and extra curricular activities.
The doctor then informed him that he had Hong
Kong Dong and that the only cure was complete
amputation.
Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second
opinion.
Joe saw Dr. Smith and told him his story. The
doctor examined Joe and said, "I'm sorry, but
Dr. Jones was correct. We must amputate right
away."
Joe could not accept this. A friend of his
suggested that Joe visit an oriental doctor.
So Joe saw Dr.Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with
the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but added,
"These Amadican Doctors -- so quick to Chop
Chop Chop. Amputation not necesally."
Obviously, Joe was relieved. Dr. Wong went on
to say, "You wait three weeks and it fall off
on its own
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Soccer Chips
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A family of Collingwood supporters head out one Saturday morning to do
their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a
Eagles footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister "Hey mole, I've
decided to become a Eagles supporter and I want this for Christmas."
His sister, outraged by this, promptly wacks him around the head with
her carton of Winfield's and says, "Shit head, go talk to mum."
Off goes the little lad with the Eagles jumper stuffed up his miller
shirt and finds his mum. "Mum?"
"Yes, son."
"I've decided I'm going to be a Eagles supporter and I want this
jumper for Christmas." The mother is outraged at this and throws her
moccasins and a full stubbie of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and
says "let's go talk to your father". Off they go to the prison camp
during visiting hours, with footy jumper in hand, and find Moose, his
toothless tattooed father.
"Dad?"
"Yes, knackers."
"I've decided I'm going to be a Eagles supporter and I want this
jumper for Christmas."
Moose goes berserk and gives his son an almighty backhander and says,
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen wearing that shit", and then
kicks his arse from one end of the rec-room to the other, just for good
measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the old Torana and
heading towards home. The mother turns to her son and says,
"Knackers, have you learned something today?"
The son says "Shore, I bloody well have ! "
"Good knackers, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been a Eagles supporter for an hour, and
already I hate you Collingwood pricks."
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Poetry Chips
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Ode To My Ex
I do not want you anywhere
Not in my house
Not in my chair
Not outside
Inside
Up the stair
Not in my car
Not in my shop
Not anywhere you slimy sot
Not sitting
Standing
Laying down
Not here
Not there
Not anywhere
Not on my porch
Not in my yard
Not by my truck
You lousy fuck
So stay away
You dirty Louse
I do not want you at my house
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Up Up Up and Away
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Up.html
No Regrets (remake)
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol14.html
Promise Of God
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/promise_of_god.htm
Celebrities Then And Now
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html
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Surfin Surfari
Help for depression
http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/help.html
Root Beer
http://www.rootbeer.com
Paper Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart.html
Albino Hummingbird
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html
Houses For Hermits
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html
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Tech Links
Is it better to leave the computer on or turn it off?
http://www.computerhope.com/issues/ch000390.htm
Planning Your Partitions
http://aumha.org/a/parts.htm
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/familystoriescatalog.php
Kitty Korner
http://www.parrotparrot.com/nettiesark/pets.htm
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California Chips
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Californians
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes,
somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation
in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named
Flower.
5. You can't remember . Is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are
grown,
and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball
cap
and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . .is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news
station:
"STORM WATCH." (I love this one!!)
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all
busy
with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour
early
to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers
and
cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're
here
illegally, they want to give you one.
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Toon Chips
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Baptism Chips
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Kathlick or what?
Two little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to
play with them. They decided it was because they had not been Baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest Church. But, only the Janitor was there.
One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come
out and play with Us. Will You baptize Us?"
"Sure," said the Janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the
toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said,........"You are now
Baptized!".
When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think
we are ?
The older one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....cause they pour the
water on you and we're not Babtis, cause they dunk you all the way down
in the water and we can't be Methdiss, .....cause they just sprinkle
water on You."
The other little boy said, " If the smell of that water means
anything, I think we must be Pisscopailians."
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Parting Chips
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My son often leaves yellow sticky messages for me on my computer
monitor, things like "I need pencils" or "PTA wants money"... All manner
of semi-important things I generally need reminding of get posted this
way. It works. I usually take care of the message right away, or by days
end if at all possible. One day I went to the computer and found a
yellow Post-it with the following note; "My Dixie wrecked." I read it a
few times but whatever it meant refused to sink in. I tried putting it
out of my mind but it kept coming back. My Dixie wrecked, my dixie
wrecked... Wierd how that puzzling note refused to leave my
awareness.... It would go quietly to the back of my mind and play over
and over but never would it leave. I'd bring it to the front of my
attention and review it closely; My Dixie wrecked... Hmmm....I got up
for coffee and muttered to myself; "My Dixie wrecked" I wonder what that
means? I even said it out loud a few times; "My Dixie wrecked! What's
the meaning of that? I even asked my Mom; I said to her; "My Dixie
wrecked. What does that mean? I'd change the accents; my-dixie-Wrecked.
My-dixie-wrecked. My-Dixie-wrecked. It was driving me nuts. My son
finally got home from school and I blurted out... "My Dicks Erect! What
the hell does that mean?" My son is such a creep. Sometimes I think he's
even better than me.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Adult Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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