Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The I-500 Snowmobile race is tomorrow and it is strange even
sitting here at 0200 to not hear machines racing down the alleyways.
It is of course illegal but the race is such a draw for tourists that
the Police tend to ease up a bit and not look for problems. This
year however like much of the Midwest there is very little snow
on the ground and the roads are dry and you drive them on
pavement only when necessary. The track where the race is run
is not snow but ice and they poured a thick sheet of it beginning
in January when it was well below zero so they are ready to run
two races there. Feel free to come up and watch the race but
bring a four wheeler to run around with as the streets are open
to off road vehichles on race day.
February is here and I have always felt cheated by that month.
You only had 28 days to earn the money for bills that were the
same as the ones you had in the 30 day months. It always
seemed that with the bills from Christmas and then Buffy's
Birthday and finally Easter that the chance of getting caught up
on bills wasn't going to happen till at least Memorial Day.
Famous Birthdays ...
February
1. Lisa Marie Presley, Clark Gable, Ann From Ohio
2. Christie Brinkley, Graham Nash, Farrah Fawcett
3. Fran Tarkenton, Norman Rockwell, Buffy Brabant\
4. Charles Lindbergh, Dan Quayle, Lawrence Taylor
5. Hank Aaron, Mary In NW Ga, Mary Jo Hostetler
6. Ronald Reagan, Babe Ruth, Axl Rose
7. Garth Brooks, Sinclair Lewis
8. Nick Nolte, Ted Koppel, Audrey Meadows
9. Carole King, William H. Harrison, Joe Pesci
10. Greg Norman, Mark Spitz, Dennis Alarie
11. Jennifer Aniston, Thomas Edison
12. Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Sue Adams
13. Chuck Yaeger, Bess Truman
14. Drew Bledsoe, Jimmy Hoffa, Florence Henderson
15. Susan B. Anthony, Jaromir Jagr, Galileo Galilei
16. John McEnroe, Sony Bono, Ice-T
17. Michael Jordan, Jim Brown, Chaim Potok
18. Yoko Ono, Vanna White, Matt Dillon, John Travolta
19. Justine Bateman, Eddie Arcaro, Smokey Robinson
20. Bobby Unser, Cindy Crawford, Peggy MacGregor
21. David Geffen, Barbara Jordan
22. George Washington, Julius Erving, Drew Barrymore
23. Peter Fonda
24. Joe Lieberman, Steven Jobs, Enrico Caruso
25. George Harrison, Sally Jessy Rafael
26. Michael Bolton, Tony Randall, Lucille Eddings
27. Chelsea Clinton, Elizabeth Taylor, John Steinbeck
28. Eric Lindros, Mario Andretti, Bernadette Peters
29. Jimmy Dorsey
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Navy Chips
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Air Monkey
A fellow walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on
display. While he was there, a Master Chief Petty Officer from the local
Naval Air Station walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a line
service monkey, please."
The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a
monkey.
He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the Chief,
saying,
"That'll be $1,000." The Chief paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the fellow went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did
that
one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that was a line service monkey.
He can park, fuel, and service all Naval aircraft, conduct all required
ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls, and all with no
mistakes.
He is also trained in all carrier flight deck ops. He's well worth the
money."
With his interest peaked, the fellow looked around and spotted a monkey
in
another cage with a $10,000 price tag. "That one's even more expensive!
What can it do?" "Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey.
She can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all
corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of
maintainers, and even do most of the paperwork.
A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The guy looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a
cage.
The price tag read, "$50,000". Holy crap! What does this one do?"
"Well, the shopkeeper said, I've never actually seen him do anything but
drink beer and play with his pecker, but his papers say he's a pilot."
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penguins
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z046.html
sugar daddys
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z047.html
fly balls
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z048.html
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Fiddle Chips
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An old sea captain, and a little
guy who played the fiddle, were
arguing about women.
The old sea captain tells the little
fiddle player that women can't be
trusted, and they will not be faithful
under any circumstances.
The little fiddle player said well he
bet his wife would not do anything
like that.
So, the old sea captain said he would
bet his ship and cargo against the
fiddler player's violin that she would
be unfaithful.
The fiddle player took the bet, and invited
the sea captain over to his house, and
sent the two of them into the bedroom
while he waited outside the door.
A half hour went by and he heard nothing
from his wife, so he started singing to the
tune of Auld Lang Sine:
Be true, my love, be true my love,
It's only for an hour.
Don't screw, my love, don't screw, my love,
And the ship and cargo's ours.
She sang back to him:
Too late, my love, too late, my love,
He's got me round the middle,
He's screwed me once, he'll do it twice,
And you've lost your damned old fiddle!!!
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Penis Chips
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Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about
the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo,
discussed Faba's last date:
"You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type, "
Faba declared.
"What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with
curiosity.
"Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and
intelligent," explained Faba to her friend.
Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"
"First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And
then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his
house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out
his penis."
"What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical
terminology.
"Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick,
just much smaller !"
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Short Chips
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A sergeant and two men from his platoon went to
a tavern near the base one night. The sergeant
asked an attractive army nurse to join him in a
game of pool.
The nurse said, "I would rather play with your
privates."
~~~~~
Little Johnny is wandering up and down the aisles
of a supermarket crying his eyes out.
"What's the matter fella?" asked a stock boy.
"I've lost my mommy!" wailed Little Johnny.
"Don't worry, we'll soon find her," soothed the stock boy.
"Now tell me, what's mommy like?"
"Bourbon and men with big, hard cocks,"
sobbed Little Johnny.
~~~~~~
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home
from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long
cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few
more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked
an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats
on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to
sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently
replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
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Tool Chips
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The Girl In The Tool Room
My job is full of heartaches and no wonder I am blue,
It's terrible the awful things that I'm supposed to do.
And if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a virtuous miss,
I wouldn't have the nerve to even finish this.
I had no way of knowing the way the shopmen talk,
But now a dozen times a day my modesty is shocked.
The fellows crowd around me like a lot of crazy fools,
Until they have me dizzy handing out their gosh darn tools.
I don't mind the decent tools, like wrenches, drills and shears, But
what some fellows ask for makes me red behind the ears. The man
repairing bearings comes and asks to see my balls, And then he laughs
and stares at me until the next man calls.
They ask for cocks to fit on pipes, for counter bores and tits, And when
they ask me for a screw, it scares me into fits, They come and ask for
reamers to enlarge their small holes, They're driving me plumb crazy;
darn their rotten souls.
They ask me for a ratchet bit and for bastard files.
They always make dirty cracks as through the screen they smile. They ask
me for a female gauge, and it's a sad, sad, tale, Because I can't tell
the damn things from a male.
One fellow finds his tool too short, another is too long,
The next one says his tool is weak, another one's too strong. One fellow
asked me for waste to wipe a plumber's cock, And when I nearly fainted,
all he did was gawk.
A foreman looking 'round one day for tools to cut a slot,
Said "Open up your drawers, girl, and show me what you got." Another
came up to me as I returned from lunch, And asked me with a grin, if I
had seen his big prick punch.
And speaking of embarrassment, never shall I forget,
The day the payman asked, "Have you a monthly yet?"
Now how the hell was I to know he meant my monthly check;
By the time they saved him, I'd darned near broke his neck.
I hate to be a quitter, folks will say I lack the guts,
But if I stay another, day this place will drive me nuts.
I really want to do my bit, and that's no doggone bull
But you can have this tool room job; I've got my belly full.
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Nun Chips
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Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (with their habits
partially blocking the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an
effort to get them to move.
In a very loud voice, the first guy says,
"I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living
there."
The second guy speaks up also and says,
"I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there."
The third guy says,
" I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there."
One of the nuns turns around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet
calm voice replies. . . . . . .
"Why don't you go to Hell...... there aren't *any* nuns there!"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young lady named Gay,
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants,
She was tickled to try it that way!
______________________________________
In the shade of the old apple tree
I got all that was coming to me.
In the soft dewy grass
I had a fine piece of ass
From a maiden that was so fine to see.
______________________________________
A transvestite from Lyford-By-Tyme
Who was in court for a horrific crime,
Said, "Your honor, oh no!
It cannot be so
For I was a broad at the time.
<snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.She was wearing a
loose
fitting, pink dress, Sleeveless with straps.He was wearing his usual
jeans
and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed inFront of a
large,silverback gorilla.Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.He
jumped
on the bars, and holding on with one handAnd 2 feet he grunted and
pounded
his chest with his Free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.The
husband,
noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.He suggested that his
wife
tease the poor fellow someMore by puckering her lips and wiggling her
bottom.
She played along and the gorilla got even more excited,Making noises
that
would wake the dead. Then the husbandSuggested that she let one of her
straps fall to show a little More skin.She did... And the gorilla was
about
to tear the bars down.
"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he
said.This
drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.Then the
husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
Flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut."Now...
tell
him you have a headache."Jim L
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Adult Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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