Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I keep getting complaints every month that I forgot a holiday on my
list of Bizzare Holidays so this month Jim sent me one that contains
both recognized and obscure holidays. All you have to do is provide
food and beverages and you have 31+ reasons to party.
1 Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month
1 Canada Day
1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day
1 International Joke Day
2 I Forgot Day
2 World UFO Day
3 Compliment Your Mirror Day
3 Disobedience Day
3 Stay out of the Sun Day
4 Independence Day (U.S.)
4 National Country Music Day
4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day- Hmmmm, I wonder why!?!
5 Work-a-holics Day - even though everyone is on holiday
6 National Fried Chicken Day
7 Chocolate Day
7 National Strawberry Sundae Day
8 Video Games Day
9 National Sugar Cookie Day
10 Teddy Bear Picnic Day
11 Cheer up the Lonely Day
11 World Population Day
12 Different Colored Eyes Day
12 Pecan Pie Day
13 Barbershop Music Appreciation Day
13 Embrace Your Geekness Day
13 Fool's Paradise Day
14 Bastille Day
14 Pandemonium Day
14 National Nude Day
15 Tapioca Pudding Day
15 Cow Appreciation Day- Go out and give a cow a hug
16 International Juggling Day
17 Peach Ice Cream Day
17 Yellow Pig Day
18 National Caviar Day- something's fishy here
19 National Raspberry Cake Day
20 Moon Day
20 National Ice Cream Day (third Sunday of the month)
20 Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing
21 National Junk Food Day
22 Hammock Day
22 Ratcatcher's Day
23 National Hot Dog Day
23 Vanilla Ice Cream Day
24 Cousins Day
24 Emilia Earhart Day
25 Culinarians Day
25 Threading the Needle Day
26 All or Nothing Day
26 Aunt and Uncle Day
27 Parent's Day - fourth Sunday in July
27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day
28 National Milk Chocolate Day
29 National Lasagna Day
30 National Cheesecake Day
30 Father-in-Law Day
31 Mutt's Day
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Love Chips
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MEN'S THOUGHTS DURING LOVE MAKING
Kissing/Light Petting
What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless
before your seductive ways!" What he's afraid you're thinking:
"Garlic breath--ewwww!"
Undressing
What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of
that!"
Foreplay/Oral Sex
What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your
impressive manhood for hours." What he's afraid you're thinking: "If
he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."
Penetration
What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in
half!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"
Your Orgasm
What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!" What
he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this
performance." What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes,
(other guy's name here), yes!"
Postcoital Bliss
What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels
like." What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my
lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after
all."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
rareview
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n012.html
through the ages
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n013.html
I dunno
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n014.html
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Drink Chips
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A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're
sitting
there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really
great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets,
and
starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he
gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The Bartender brings the
drink and puts the following items on the bar:
1. A salt shaker,
2. A shot of Baileys,
3. A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue.
Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth.........smooth,
Rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like
Consistency
hits
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to
disappoint
his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says,
Jesus
what do you call that drink?'
She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pilot Chips
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A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking
of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano
Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an A-4 driver and a
Captain in the, Marine Corps but when they retired the A-4, all the
thrill was gone, and soon they cashiered me as well. I learned to
play the piano at O-Club happy hours, so here I am."
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but
it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business
was falling off. So, why not give him a try?
The seedy Capt, staggered his way over to the piano while several
patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music,
every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring
music, unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished
there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender took the old attack pilot a beer and asked him the
name of the song he had just played.
It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall
For You!" said the Capt.. After a long pull from the beer, leaving
it empty, "I wrote it myself."
The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano
player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of
ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the attack
pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and
told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My napalm
Light."
He then excused himself and lurched to the john.
When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Look fly
boy, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your
pecker is hanging out?"
"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
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Pick-up Chips
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CHRISTIAN PICKUP LINES
- Hey baby, you wanna take the church van for a spin?
- I don't speak in tongues, but I sure do kiss that way.
- Excuse me, is this pew taken?
- Hi, my name's Will... God's Will.
- I predicted David over Goliath.
- God was showing off when he made you.
- I'm pretty flexible. I don't think a woman should be
submissive on the first date.
- Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
- You know Jesus? Me too!
- No, I'm not coveting... I intend to make you mine.
- Christians don't shake hands, Christians hug!
- Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
- What do you think Paul meant when he said, "Greet
one another with a holy kiss"?
- Do you really believe "it is more blessed to give than
to receive"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun Chips
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Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are
traveling through Europe in their car. They get to
Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula
jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through
the windshield.
"Quick, quick", shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do"?
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of
the abomination". says Sister Helen .
Sister Marilyn switches the wipers on, knocking
Dracula about, but he clings on and continues
hissing at the nuns.
"Now what"? shouts Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross", says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking", says Sister Marilyn as she
opens the window and shouts.....
"GET THE FUCK OFF THE CAR!!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/If I Could
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/R/If.html
A Love Letter
http://www.loratrue2000.com/poems/loveletter.htm
Rick w/ American Tribute~July 4th
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/rm/AmericanTribute.html
John w/ Life's Railway To Heaven
http://heavensgates.us/patsy/lifesrailway/
Carolyn w/ Hound Dog
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/hounddog.html
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Surfin Surfari
Emoticons and Abbreviations (Smileys)
http://www.anapsid.org/internet/smileys.html
Chainsaw Wood Carving!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.html
Chapel With Bone Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chapel.html
Animal Mom's
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
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Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Redirect Spam
http://spambox.us/
Free Zip Tools
http://www.7-zip.org/
Password Manager
https://www.steganos.com/us/products/for-free/locknote/overview/
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We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
and up to $450 for each fiction or non fiction story we ask you to
write.
Press here if you are interested:
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All my best,
Freelance Home Writers Network
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Animal World
Kitty Korner
http://messybeast.com/breeds.htm
Bear Playground
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html
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Hi,
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
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First off, please always know that it's not your fault...
Press here to see why you're fat:
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After you see what the problem is, you will see how easy it is to
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Movie Links
Wrong Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7827.htm
WW30mm
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7828.htm
XX Cigar Rolling
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7829.htm
Kitty Cat Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7830.htm
Royal Canadian Air Farce
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7831.htm
x352
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72212.htm
Yeah Right
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72213.htm
Your Side Of The family
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72214.htm
Lake Delton Break To WI River
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72215.htm
Baby Panda Sneeze
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72216.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
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In a biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me
why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about
this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from
its
head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the
lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breast Implants
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230521.htm
Go With The Flow
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230522.htm
Women in Boxing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280501.htm
Trivial Pursuit
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280502.htm
Talented Tongue
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280503.htm
Hello Nobel Prize
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280504.htm
Oh Boss
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280505.htm
Bad Milk
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280506.htm
Cards
http://www.buffaloschips.com/020280507.htm
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An arrogant wench from Salt Lake
Liked to tease all the boys on the make.
She was finally the prize
Of a man twice her size
And all she recalls is the ache.
There was a young man named Keith,
Who liked to be fondled beneath,
When she'd start with her lips,
Mmmmm, he'd wiggle his hips...
But not when the bitch used her teeth!
There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her.
To cry, when you came,
"Oh dear! What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over."
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Parting Chips
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A teenage boy and his steady girlfriend were making out in his
parked car, when the boy got really turned on, and said, "Please
darlin', I can't take it anymore, I have to get some relief."
-
His girl replies, "You know I am saving myself until we get
married!"
-
He continues to plead and begs her, "What if I just put the head in
for a while, just let me marinate it a little?"
-
Finally getting a bit steamed up herself, she reluctantly agrees,
but says, only if it's the head. So he anxiously unzips and
fumbling, puts the head of his manhood into the softness of her
secret treasure and that's all he does, well for about 30 seconds
anyway, but in the heat of passion, he gets carried away and before
you know it he's put it in entirely and is pumping away with deep
thrusts for all he's worth.
-
After a few minutes his lady love moans and thrilling to the
mounting pleasure and a new awareness, haltingly gasps "I know we
have this deal, that you are only putting the head in, but... this
feels so damn good, go ahead and give it all to me!"
-
Jolted to his senses, stopping in mid thrust, but thinking quickly
our hero responds, "Nope, a deals a deal."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2066
Part-time Job Version 2
BJ: So I hear you guys have new jobs, what are they?
Katie: I am going to model dog wear.
BJ: That makes sense.
Rudy: I am going to patrol a supply yard at night.
BJ: That also is sensible.
Val: I am going to be a watch dog at a senior citizen center
at night.
BJ: Hmm not sure about that, but good luck.
Sandi: I am going to deliver pizzas.
BJ: Red flag. Huge red flag.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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