Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It's hot outside and to be expected, It can't snow 12 months out
of the year. Even though we seem to have an ice cream truck
in the neighborhood, I really still prefer water based frozen
treats like popsicles when it is hot outside or even a huge bag
of the generic ones now that they package Popsicles one to a
bag instead of too. I know that the milk in ice cream is mostly
water but the thought of sweating milk is not very exciting. I always
seem to run into trouble breaking the treats into single servings
so a few years back I asked for advice.
The following is from the archives and is Mojo's explanation on how
to break a double Popsicle in half as I was ending up with more than
two pieces.
Da Herdmeister asked "P.S. Does anyone know the secret to breaking
a popsicle in half without ending up with 3 or four pieces?"
Your question prompted me with a challenge I haven't had for a
while... writing technical instructions on how to neatly break
apart the halves of a Popsicle (chocolate RULES!!!)
To start with rip one end of the bag open and, forming a seal across
the opening with your lips, blow gently but forcefully into the bag
to separate paper from ice pop. Then place the Popsicle or its
generic equivalent (which rarely seem to come in chocolate, dammit)
with the center depression between halves placed firmly against a
90° edge, preferable with a round of no more than a 2-3 mm radius,
the corner edge of a table or doorframe works well. place the heel
of your dominant hand onto the outer surface of the pop at right
angles so it so it nestles into, and presses equally on both sides
of the central depression, OVER THE PORTION HOUSING THE TOPS OF THE
STICKS.
Place your other hand across the first as if you were doing CPR
(Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation) compressions (if you don't know CPR
the Red Cross, St. John's Ambulance and many other organizations
have inexpensive, sometimes free courses in this essential art. It
is something everyone should know and even more so if you are
addicted to, as they say in French, les popsicles.
Apply pressure gently and with increasing magnitude until you feel
the ice pop distinctly start to give then release pressure
(continued pressure at this point can cause transverse fractures due
to the cup shape of the palm of the hand).
Hold the pop in front of you with one face toward you and place one
thumb 1/4 of the way down in the trough, and the other 1/4 the way
up from the bottom of the side facing you, then spread the fingers
of your hands along the length of the far side of the icy delight
and focusing like Bruce Lee breaking bricks, press gently but firmly
away with your thumbs, pulling with your fingers toward you.
Voilà. You ( to a 98% certainty have two reasonably equal
longitudinally oriented halves of nature's most perfect means of
rehydrating yourself and moderating your body temperature in these
'dog days' of summer. and just maybe they help bring you back to
your kid roots.
NOTE: Should these instructions fail to produce satisfactory results
and you wind up with a fragmented pop anyway, put the damn thing in
a bowl and pick up pieces with your fingers (or a spoon if you are
fastidious to the point of being anal retentive) and enjoy anyway.
(Alternatively, they may be packed in dry ice and shipped at your
expense to the author and he will dispose of the sordid evidence of
your failure, enabling you to avoid social embarrassment and the
resultant pariah status it can cause.)
Anything for a friend.
My only gripe about Popsicle's is that what I used to pay a nickel
for when I was a young'un, and well into my teens, now costs
anywhere up to and including 85 cents (convenience pricing), a
17-fold increase. I know it costs them more to make them, probably
as much as
2 or 3 cents a unit, but this is enough to make a bald cat throw a
hairball. They are raping our innocence and the innocence of
today's children. It could be justified if they were made with real
fruit juice but we are talking water, artificial and natural
flavours and colours here. Even Freshie® and Kool-Aid® have
increased by this margin. (the latter two are best made with 1½
quarts of water (about 2 litres) and two tablespoons of sugar
maximum or the equivalent in Sugar Twin® or whatever.)
Hope the Herd is keeping out of the heat (or cold if you are living
down under) and everyone is doing better.
Still breathingly, - mojo
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Band Chips
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A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks
up and asks "Uh, do youse guys know da song "Strangers in da Night"?
The band leader says, "Sure we know that one."
Nunzio says "Hey! dat's great! But I got just one favor- could
youse play it in 5/4 time?"
"Isn't it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked.
"Yeah, but dis here's a special occasion, know whut I mean?"
The band discusses amongst themselves, till the leader turns and
says "I don't think we'll have any problems."
Nunzio turns and yells out "Hey Uncle Vinnie! C'mon up here and
sing!"
Uncle Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and
then starts to sing, "Strangers in da fuckin' night..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
don't apologize
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watch out
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at the nudist club
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Motel Chips
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A salesman is visiting Hollywood California and checks
into a local motel. As he was checking out the next morning, the
desk clerk noticed that he looked a bit frazzled. He asked "Sir was
everything O.K. with your room?"
He angrily replies "Was everything O.K.!!! l get woke up at 2:00 in
the morning with this huge cowboy sitting on my chest holding a
pistol to my head who tells me if l don't suck his dick he's gonna
blow my fucking head off!" The desk clerk is shocked and asks,
"What did you do?"
The salesman's reply, "Did you hear any shootin'?"
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Viagra Chips
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A man goes to his doctor and tells him that he is
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doctor gives him VIAGRA. Then he gives him a
new drug that just came on the market, The patient
says isn't the VIAGRA enough? And the doctor says
The VIAGRA will give you an erection but the new drug
NIAGARA will make you come like a waterfall!!!!!
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Greeting Chips
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GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
------------------------------------------------------
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I
got real snippy.
2. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get well
soon"...but I know it's incurable.
3. My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I looked at
the tire....I found your cat... Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a
bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when
they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at
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7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret
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8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't
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9. You totalled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it
was... that case of Bud Dry
10. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life...
Next time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.
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Poetry Chips
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Salty, fishy, sticky stuff,
Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag,
And what revenge, you're on the rag!
Eating out and chowing down,
but tonight I'm not out on the town.
Tonight I'm served a seafood dish,
well at the least it tastes like fish.
Time to overcome my fears,
as she drags me down there by my ears,
to feast upon her hairy pie,
where pubes and stubble jab my eye.
She lies back and moans and then softly sighs,
I cant help thinking about scampi & fries.
Don't lick too low, move up a bit,
got to be careful or I'm in the shit.
Nibble, lick, caress and stroke,
the things I do just for a poke.
Up, down and right a bit,
where the hell does she keep her clit?
I'll never find it here like this,
fanny design just takes the piss.
To find my way around her twat,
I'll need a torch and miners hat.
I think my tongue is failing me,
Christ I hope she doesn't pee.
I've been licking her minge for years.
I wish I could breathe through my ears.
God I hope that she comes quick,
since my neck's developing a crick.
I'm sweating like I've got a fever,
under the covers, eating split beaver,
I must have hit the right spot at last,
cos' her screams are gaining volume fast,
her thighs clamp tight around my head,
and her screams scare the neighbours out of their bed.
She's coming at last and making a racket,
her thighs crushing my head like a discarded fag packet.
I'm choking and spluttering but she doesn't care,
that my mouth is full of fish flavoured hair.
And that my face is smothered in thick fanny batter
and juices that taste like a seafood platter.
But she thinks it's funny, and starts taking the piss,
but she soon stops her laughing, when I move in for a kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Touched With Gold
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc2/TouchedWithGold.html
carolyn w/ It's A Sin To Tell A Lie~Bobby Vinton
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/sintotellalie.html
Carol w/Because of You
http://www.carolspoetry.com/because.html
Across The Miles
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Our Valuable Anchor
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html
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Day Light Map
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Magic Eye
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The Wild Ones
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Gizmodo, The Gadget blog
http://www.gizmodo.com/
graphix link Index...
http://members.tripod.com/~angel_pie/graphiclinks.html
Online Image to Icon Converter
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
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Animal World
Kitty Korner
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We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
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Movie Links
Mum
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kakaoo.htm
My New Country Song
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Never Smash A WD-40 Can
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New At Canadian Tire
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New From Glade
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Don't Eat While Driving
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Energy Star
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Exam
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Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a
pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored
out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asked the
zoophile. "Lets have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the
sadist. "Lets have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,"
shouted the murderer. "Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill
it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Lets have
sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and
then burn it," said the pyromaniac. The room went silent, then
everyone turned to the masochist and asked: "So, what's it gonna
be?" The masochist says "Meow."
I had just finished delivering the mail when the resident of
Apartment 16 can running after me angrily waving an envelope in the
air. He said, "Look at this letter. It is addressed to 'Animal
Lover!'" I said, "So?" "So? How in hell do these people know about
my sexual preferences?"
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Toon Chips
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candle new scent
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candy
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can man
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can opener
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a villian most feared,
Who tied a lass to a train track then leered,
But he tied her up wrong-ways,
Not cross-ways but long-ways,
And a forty car train disappeared!
There once was a girl from Vancouver
Whose mouth had the strength of a Hoover;
When she turned it on high,
A week would pass by,
Before anyone could remove her.
There once was a lady named McBagg
And to all the ladies she did brag
"My breasts are sizeable,
And easily recognizeable
I rarely have to wear a name tag."
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Parting Chips
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No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between
the
two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.
I beg to differ because, there is :
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ....
"COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2077
More Heat
Val: Tell me Rudy more about the hottest summer
you have seen.
Rudy: Well there was one summer when I took corn
and before I got it into the house it popped and I had
popcorn.
Val: I will darned.
Rudy: Another time I saw Pops carry some hamburger
into the house, he dropped a small package and by
the time he came back it had fried into six burgers.
Katie had toasted some buns, so we had a cookout
without a grill.
Val: That was hot!
Rudy: It was so hot, our ice cubes caught fire.
The Herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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