Adult Adult
\Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Another Monday, the day when all of the laws of the universe are
against you, but as long as you expect weird things to happen
and have a plan, half of the battle is won.
These are the laws of the natural universe:
~ Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
~ Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible corner.
~ Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal.
~ Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a
flat tire.
~ Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you
were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
~ Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water,
the telephone rings.
~ Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's never
anyone in the checkout line.
~ Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone ringing in
the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.
~ Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you
know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen
with.
~ Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will.
~ Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
~ Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats
are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
~ Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the
coffee is cold.
~ Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people
in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
~ Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the
only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, the family of five will
set up right next to you.
~ Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced
jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
~ Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
~ Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you
don't know what you are talking about.
~ Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
~ Law of the Last Word: "Hey, watch this!"
buffalo's plan for Mondays Turn off alarm clock, eat chocolate, the dark
kind,
and stay in bed till Tuesday.
Use your laptop to read and enjoy the chips..... buffalo
A Few Newsletters You may enjoy
***COME JOIN OUR FRIENDLY GROUP***
Get laughs and loads of diversified posts,
Something for everyone's interest.
This is an adult group but
You will not be assaulted with graphic nudity or porn.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BICs_Jokers_Wild/ Or
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And
Shirley's RessyPees
Be sure to try out Miz Shirley's
"RESSYPEES"
She is a powerful good cook
and shes sharin notes...
To Join up Send a blank E_Mail to:
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Menopause Chips
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Serious Signs Of Menopause
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than
simply
saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
Your husband cheerfully chirps, "Hi, honey. I'm home!"
You reply dryly: "Well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the entire
Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
You have to change your underwear after every sneeze and laugh.
You're on so much estrogen that you take your daughter's Brownie
troop
on a field trip to Chippendales.
You suspect that most of your blouses have missing buttonholes.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the sliding boards
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which one
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Young Chips
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Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in
love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to
Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in
love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well
Bruce, you are only 10... Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In
Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a
week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that
should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have
one more question. What will you do if the two of your should have
little children of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so
far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Office Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Resignation Letter"
ANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:
Dear Sir, This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked
up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company
where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills.
I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that
await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.
My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last
night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I
requested and received last week.
Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left
undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never
completed.
Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they
will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on
the street, unless you want your ass kicked.
My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding.
I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She
screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you
screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She
enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you
are not only a fucker but a poor fucker. Anyway, I appreciate
having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a
better future.
I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass
motherfuckers.
Yours sincerely,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The reason I like dating Lori," the office snob remarked primly,
"is that she's on the up and up."
"And the reason, I like dating Laura" his coworker replied, "is that
she's into the up and down, the in and out, the back and forth ...
you name it!"
~~~~~~
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The
Boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know
we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to
conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you
you could come and go as you please around here ?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
"My lawyer."
~~~~~~
Things weren't going too well for the husband business-wise and he
got his wife an imitation tennis bracelet, instead of the real one
she wanted for their anniversary. "I hope you understand
sweetheart, but you can pretend it's real."
"Fine!" she said pouting, "And tonight in bed, you can pretend I'm
there under you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Marketing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several friends have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following examples will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm
fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's
fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May
I?"
and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and
says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going
home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto
the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Spam.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Touched With Gold
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc2/TouchedWithGold.html
Carol w/Virginal Vision
http://www.carolspoetry.com/vision.html
Wishing You Well
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/WishingYouWell.htm
Utopia
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems61/Utopia.html
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Extreme Noodling
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Transformation: A Personal Journey
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Justice for Caylee? - Caylee's Law
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Audacity
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Print a Paper CD Case
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CD Cover Library
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Calculating Mileage Between Cities
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Movie Links
Nipple Bitten Off
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Hand Up
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Mini Gun Highlights
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Gunfighter
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Hair Piece
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Hang Onto That Pole
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trivia Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Studies show that women who went to college are more likely to enjoy
oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.
"Formicophilia" is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your
genitals.
A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
According to a US market research firm, the most popular American
bra size is currently 36C, up from 1991 when it was 34B.
In the Aztec culture avocados were considered so sexually powerful,
virgins were restricted from contact with them.
Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century,
confessed to a friend that despite her three husbands and a parade
of lovers, she had never had an orgasm.
According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular
flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.
"Ithyphallophobia" is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or
having an erect penis.
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Toon Chips
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cans
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Limerick Chips
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There was a man named McFeeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Not being uncouth
He added vermouth
And slipped his girl a martini.
_______________________________
A jolly young fellow named Hugh
Was arrested for saying, "Look. Snoo"
"What's snoo?" they would cry
And he'd always reply,
"Oh, nothin' much, what's snoo with you?"
_______________________________
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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An employee of USAir by the name of James Gay boarded a US Air
flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone
else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay
moved down do an empty seat.
Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the US
Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat,
you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full
and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the
original seat of Mr. Gay and said to the man now sitting there,
"Excuse me, are you Gay?"
The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I
am!"
The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off
the plane."
At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, (and was
rather amused) jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake
I'm Gay!"
Finally, another man jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm gay too!
They can't throw us all off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2078
Still More Heat
Val: Father can you tell me some stories about the extreme
heat.
BJ: Well once when I was younger it was so hot when I touched
my car it melted into a puddle of liquid steel. I had to wait
until winter until it regained its form.
Val: Wow!
BJ: Yep, I had to wear fire-proof boots because if I wore normal
shoes they would melt.
Val: Amazing.
BJ: It was so hot my dreams would dissolve.
Val: Stunning.
BJ: I would hang my clothes on the clothes line and when I would
go outside to get them they had burned to ashes.
Val: Unbelievable.
Diana: My thoughts exactly.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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