Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hi Everyone, I'm back again. Problems started on Sunday when
the heat tripped the power supply off on the Vista computer I write
the lists with and it required several hard resets to get started again,
I started rebuilding the templates on my other computer and getting
Outlook set-up which normally takes a day or so to complete normally
but I had things ready to do a mailing in about 8 hours and went to
bed ready to start my Monday mailing. I woke up Monday morning
in the middle of a thunderstorm but everything seemed to be running
normal on both computers. I went to the bathroom and when I came
out both computers were dead. A little more investigating and I
realized the power had went off and the UPS tripped off the line
in a few seconds with everything that's plugged in. I waited about an
hour and a half and the power came back on but not the computers.
One wanted to do Windows Repair and the other one didn't want to
do anything. I did hard resets on both and went into set-up to clear a
checksum error on the Windows 7 computer but Repair hung up on
the Vista Computer so I had to cancel it and rebooted and it worked.
So now I had both computers working but all of the components for the
newsletters spread out in three programs and a sinus infection that had
started as a sore throat and cold the week before and spread into my
jaw.
I ran over to the ER and they fixed me up with antibiotics and I went
back home to work on the lists. While I was gone, Eva had hid the folder
navigation bar for Windows Mail and I had to look through every setting
to
find what she had clicked. I had had enough for one day and went to bed.
Today has been a little better and I do expect to send the lists out in
an
hour or so. Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
A couple of newsletters you may enjoy
HFcartoons
Monday to Friday 3 clean cartoons and a bonus
delivered direct to your inbox.
To join send a blank e-mail to
hfcartoons-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
And
CIGARCLIPS
Funny TV or Film clips taken from around the world
To join send a blank e-mail to
cigarclips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Commandment Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not
steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not
commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
There. That, should piss off just about everybody.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Kermit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n071.html
the coffee pot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n072.html
parenting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/n073.html
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Bus Chips
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Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini
skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of
her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my
pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman. "It's very talented, watch
this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can
do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as
the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe
moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers
in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Avandia Side-Effects: Heart Related Injuries, Broken Bones and Liver
Failure.
Avandia has been linked to many side effects and injuries, including:
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Failure
Avandia Warnings The problems and reported injuries related to Avandia
have led to increased warnings from the FDA about the risks of heart
attacks and congestive heart failure. Many experts have pushed for a
recall of the drug to protect consumers from serious injuries related to
the use of the drug. There have been FDA warnings on Avandia and medical
reports about the safety of Avandia over the past 10 years including:
2000 - John Buse M.D. expressed concerns about potential Avandia heart
risks. He subsequently reported that he was "intimidated" by the drug
maker for speaking out about the dangers that could be associated with
the medication. 2001 - The FDA issued a reprimand letter to the
manufacturer after sales representatives made misleading statements
downplaying the heart risks. Allegedly inaccurate and misleading
comments were made to an undercover investigator at a medical
conference. 2002 - Public Citizens Health Research Group criticized the
FDA for failing to follow recommendations of their staff scientists to
add a strong "black-box" warning to Avandia, and its rival Actos. 2006 -
The FDA announced a warning label change on Avandia stating the drug
potentially increases the risk of heart disease and heart-related pain.
November 14, 2007 - The FDA announces a new "black box" warning about
the heart attack risk, after narrowly voting against a recall on
Avandia. January 24, 2008 - A report is published where an FDA staff
scientists estimated that approximately 83,000 heart attacks may have
been caused since the drug came onto the market.
Click here for your Free Private Case Evaluation:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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The waitress was tired of this one man always hitting on her, so she
came up with a plan. "I'll tell you what, Lover. I'll have sex with
you on two conditions. First, it'll cost you 50 bucks. Second, you
have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine.
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what
to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat
driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny
it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving.
I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.
The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter piped up,
"Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?"
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper
office, loudly demanded.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday
paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There was quite a
long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of
recognition as she was heard to mutter, ....
Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
A Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
We were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_______________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
Reunion , and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
Drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
Right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
Hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
Celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept
Hinting
To me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
Something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
Making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
Thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
Grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
Scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
The house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
Grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a
Limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
Lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
Boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
Downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
Garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
Would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
Back
Into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
Anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
Terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
Stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
Anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License
to
verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The New Stylish and Decorative Way to Hydrate Flowers and Plants All
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to create unique party favors, develop beautiful arrangements, or give
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Order 5 tubes for $10 and get 5 tubes free (just pay additional P&H).
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Depressed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feeling down?????
CHEER UP!!! There's a yuppie somewhere
who just pulled a hamstring in one of those
sissy aerobics classes.
CHEER UP!!! Remember that nasty old nun
who used to hit your knuckles with a ruler?
She's 75 years old now, and she has arthritis.
CHEER UP!!! If your woman isn't faithful, you're
not alone. Don't forget that even Popeye was
two-timed by Olive Oyl (in almost every episode,
in fact!)
CHEER UP!!! The worse things get,... the
less you have to lose!
CHEER UP!!! You'll be happy to know that
your local newspaper is made of 50% recycled
material. That's 1% recycled paper; 49%
recycled news articles.)
CHEER UP!!! Miss Manners has finally been
discredited. It's rude to tell other people what
to do!
CHEER UP!!! Sigmund Freud has been
discredited, too. It's lewd to tell other people
about their poo.
CHEER UP!!! Every three minutes, somewhere
in America a suburban housewife backs the
family car through the garage door.
CHEER UP!!! No matter how bad things get,
your folks still have your old bedroom ready,
and you're welcome to go back home.
CHEER UP!!! The time you spent reading this
email could've been spent more productively.
But you're not bothered because you're one of
those well-adjusted people who really doesn't
give a crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comfy Control
Comfy Control Harness is a new humane harness that's lightweight and
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Easy clip on matching 5 foot leash
Open weave design allows air flow
Doesn't constrict breathing
Stylish vest slips right on
TO ORDER
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Best Friends
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/A/L_T.html
John w/ To God from the dog
http://soloshideawayfunpages.com/_oefh/45/dog.htm
Kipp Teague's RetroWeb - "Retroaneous" Via Samantha
http://www.retroweb.com/retroaneous.html
Carol w/No Knight in Her Days
http://www.carolspoetry.com/knight.html
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Hi,
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
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finally lose the fat that you want to lose.
Thank you!
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Surfin Surfari
The 50 Worst Inventions - TIME
http://tinyurl.com/25xche6
Moon Watch Via Wesley
http://www.theemotionlab.com/index.php?/watches--clocks/moonwatch/
Dreamy Ladies
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html
Auto MotorPlex
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Beautiful Bridges
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
FREE PDF to WORD CONVERTER
http://www.hellopdf.com/index.php
Recommendation Engine
http://www.tastekid.com/
Free Online Image Gallery Creator
http://www.mylivegallery.com/
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
online that will allow you to watch unlimited television from around
the world right on your PC!
Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
http://buffaloschips.com/comptv
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Animal World
Kitten Mirror Fight Via Dianne
http://www.wimp.com/mirrorfight/
Leopard Vs Crocodile
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
Odin The White Tiger
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html
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We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
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write.
Press here if you are interested:
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All my best,
Freelance Home Writers Network
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Movie Links
Jamacos
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsdw.htm
Just Walk It ff Sissy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfssd.htm
The Vasectomy Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dssss.htm
Kangaroo Court
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsssaw.htm
Kilted Scotsman
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdsdd.htm
Robbery
http://www.buffaloschips.com/alkqwoie.htm
Roll Over Donner Pass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdskdjs.htm
Russian Bar Trio
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkldkl.htm
Snow Plow
http://www.buffaloschips.com/laksaoiw.htm
The 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/salksalka.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see
the magic show and rushes down to the big-top. He reaches the
gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages
to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent. "Where's the
magic show?", he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back
packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute,
the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room
only to find the magician ready to leave.
"I'm here for the magic show", the guy tells the magician.
"Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I'm going home." replies The
Amazing Jonas.
"Look", says the man, "I just paid good money to come in and
see a magic show and that's what I expect!"
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, "Buddy, I've been
here all day and I'd like to go home and see my wife and kids."
With that, the customer becomes more irate and DEMANDS that
he be shown at least one magic trick.
"Okay, you want to see a magic trick?!", Jonas asks. "Pull down
your pants."
The man looks skeptical but does as he's told.
"Now bend over and grab your ankles." As he does Jonas walks
behind him and the man flinches. "There," asks the magician.
"Can you feel my finger in your ass?"
The man winces and replies, "Yeah."
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy's back,
wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, "Ta-Dah."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
call ahead
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call girl
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call the paramedic
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calorie1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vgkjdfkgjdfg.htm
camel toe
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jcbkfcgbfd.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow called Shit
A name he disliked quite a bit;
So he changed it to Shite -
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.
~ Victor Gray ~
________________________________
Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His Measure for Measure
Incurs our displeasure;
We don't do such things at Balmoral."
~ Frank Richards ~
________________________________
I'm in love with a girl from Uttoxeter,
An exquisite and passionate cock-sitter;
With her prehensile hole,
She envelopes my pole,
And then squirms up and down as my rocks hit her.
~ Gerard Benson ~
________________________________
Prince Charles in his Welsh principality
Formed a violent left-wing solidarity;
When asked why this was
He replied, "It's because
I am sick of the family mentality."
~ Bernard Levin ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman married and had 13 children.
Her husband died. She soon married again and
had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally croaked.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to
the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman
who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."
In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're
finally together."
Leaning over to his neighbor, one mourner asked...
"Do you think he means her first, second or third
husband?"
The other mourner then replied... "I think he means
her legs."
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people
who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it". Mark
Twain (1835-1910)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2074
Close Shave!
BJ: Come on Rudy it is time for your yearly haircut.
Rudy: Don't wanna go.
Diana: You will feel so much better.
Rudy: Feel fine now.
Sandi: Come on, look at all the hair I had to clean up
from our dog bed last night. (Sandi holds up a soccer-
sized ball of fur).
Rudy: Might be your hair.
Sandi tapping her feet: Either you go, or it will be very
chilly here tonight.
Rudy: I will go, not because I need to, but because
everyone is making me go. Where is our freedom gone?
Much later, after the grooming session.
Diana: I hope Rudy is not holding a grudge.
Rudy: Over here Toots! Pops! I am ready, boy I feel
great.
BJ: You look really cool Rudy. They shaved you close.
Rudy: I told them to leave a mohawk down the middle, did
they?
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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