THE POSTMAN
So the holidays are over. We are back to
the old routine. This is that time of year
that we suffer the good old cabin fever thing.
You know. we are all tired of sitting around
for winter. We all are feeling regret over the
extra pounds we gained this winter. So, what
to do? I decided that I am gonna eat healthy this
year!
ENJOY THE JOKES
Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving
card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma
showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children
liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh yeah?" her young
grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ''Jesus is watching
you!''while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who said that?!'' Once
again he heard the same thing, ''Jesus is watching you!'' The robber looked around
the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot
replied, ''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What kind of a name is that?! Who names
a parrot that?!'' The parrot said, ''The same person who named that rottweiler
behind you Jesus!''
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It
takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down
the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to
them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his
and she yells: ''No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!''
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary
surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained
consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was
waiting by his bed. 'Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,' said the
nun, gently patting his hand. 'We do need to know, however, how you
intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?'
'No, I'm not,' the man whispered hoarsely. 'Can you pay in cash?'
persisted the nun. 'I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.' 'Well, do you have any
close relatives?' the nun said. 'Just my sister in New Mexico,' he volunteered.
'But she's a humble spinster nun.' 'Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith.
Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God.' 'Wonderful,' said Smith.
'In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.'
What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal
and the scientific name in Latin.
A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
irrisistable to men
the company website
complaint department
another computer
I got a computer
computer froze
this generation
resolutions
your greatest weakness
Frosty
cookies
free ice cream
dnew years resolution
the electric bill
your profile
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