THE POSTMAN
In third grade science class they taught us all
about what the world was. How it was made up.
They taught us so much stuff it made my head swim.
They taught us about molecules. You know, theres
protons. Theres electrons, etc. You know what tho?
They forgot to tell me this world was full of
Morons!
ENJOY THE JOKES
BREAKING NEWS
There was a father and son who were always in competition with each other.
One day the son left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in
medicine. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his father. "They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter'
questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 75%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted,"
the boy replied. "Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the father said. So off to the
university he went. A week later the father returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his son. "They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions
about first aid and I got them all wrong but one." "Gee, Dad. Which question was that?"
"The question was...", started the father, "What do you do when you come across a lady
which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?" "That's easy", the son replied. "The answer is pulse."
"Oh, hell," said the father," I got that one wrong as well."
There was a guy so addicted to golf that all he did is go out on the links every single day.
He had ambitions of making it to the Pros, so he took his game very seriously.
One windy day while playing in the finals of a a tournament, the guy was in contention, so
he played every shot with utmost care and concentration.
After all the scores were submitted, he was declared the winner of the tournament.
He went home to his wife with the trophy and some small cash prize.
He kept repeating his round over dinner.
The wife, who is not the least bit interested in golf, got up and went to bed early.
The guy follows after a few hours, still high on his golf championship.
At around two in the morning, the wife jumps up and screams at her husband, who also gets
startled and wakes up. "What happened? Why are you screaming?" the guy asked his wife.
"Why wouldn't I shout? You just pulled a patch of hair from my pussy and threw it up in
the air!"
There was a husband who was in the habit of taking the family dog for a nice long walk
each evening. It was good exercise for both of them, his wife felt, and the dog became so used
to the routine that it positively drooled to be taken out on schedule every night.
So when her husband was sick one evening, the wife took the dog out instead.
To her surprise the dog pulled vigorously at the leash and led her around the block to a house
around the corner and began to scratch at the door. A female voice called out, "I won't be a minute, darling."
Soon the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog
Soon the door was opened by an attractive young woman in a negligee, and the dog
dashed in straight to a
dish of meat that was waiting for him -- obviously as usual. ]
A long time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad. Looking at his dad's
hands, the boy say's, "papa, you do many many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."
"Well Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You usea thisa one to pointata what evea
you wanta. You see youa thumb? You usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa
finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose.
And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella you about thata one when you getta married."
Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful
wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with Papa.
Tony said, "Papa, many a year I use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages
with my thumb, I've picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful ring on my finger
from the love of my life, but Papa, what is it I do with this middle finger?"Papa drew close to
Tony and said, "Tony tonight you will make mad hot love to your woman many times and you
may become tired, when that happens and your woman turns to you again wanting to makea
the love againa, that's when you takea your middle finga and you poka on her head and say,
'Go back to sleep you silly woman!' "
bacon or email
scary outside
the magician
I've been hiding
don't just stand there
who wore it better
hoarders
lemons
a daddy
are you ok
my way of thinking
the wizard of oz
they are supposed to be moving
human resources
sharpies
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