THE POSTMAN
I decided to try the Japanese method of uncluttering
my life. You may have heard of that:
getting rid of all the items in your life that
do not bring you joy? Well, so far, I have thrown
away my treadmill, vegetables, scales, a mirror,
the doctor, and the electric bill.
ENJOY THE JOKES
A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college. One day in a
seminar class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or
half empty. After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was
learning at university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.
With maximum drama, he took a 12-ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water.
Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table. He proudly asked his
family, "Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty."
Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, "Depends if you're drinking or pouring."
The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing
an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were
to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the
National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This
Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even
more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be
a very cold winter?" "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." So the Chief goes
back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later
he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be
very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
A certain college professor was known for getting off topic during lectures His favorite off-topic subject
was "the evils of marijuana". One day into his lecture he started talking about weed, "Used regularly," he
explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" Now wait a minute,
professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!" "Yes young man, it's sadly true,"
replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires
up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch
your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man
opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks,
"Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips. The old man asks, "Son, can I have
some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The old man says,
"It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go f*ck yourself, these are my chips."
very few people know
the neighbor tells me
play doctor
making a run for it
looks like you are pregnant
free wifi
I didn't see you
breaking news
is it working
run outdoors
when you arrive in hell
a youtube tutorial
how to ride a bike
if animals took selfies
don't forget
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