THE POSTMAN
This year my trainer suggested that I
try to avoid anything that makes me fat.
So I had a week or two off for the holidays.
Finally I showed up to get back down
to business at the gym. "So hows that going
for you.Are you doing what I suggested?"
"Oh, avoiding whatever makes me fat? Yeah
I figure that includes mirrors, scales and
pictures. Is there anything else I am missing?"
He just shook his head, and you know he really
didn't answer my question.
go figger
ENJOY THE JOKES
The wife of an athlete named Chuck
Found her married life shit out of luck.
Her husband played hockey
Without wearing a jockey
Now he hasn't got what it takes to fuck!
Why cucumbers are better than men
1. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket...
and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and ...
you won't have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the
movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
A blonde goes into a laundromat and asks to have her sweater cleaned.
The Laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "Come again?"
The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
A couple had been split up for about six months, but still remained good friends.
This worked out pretty good since they lived in the same apartment building.
One day the man slipped on the ice and broke his arm.
He met his ex-wife in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to help.
He said, "Well, if it's not too much trouble, could you help me take a bath?"
She readily agreed and soon was washing him when she saw a gradual erection begin to appear.
"Now isn't that sweet," she cooed. "Look John, it still recognizes me."
Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
hate the cold
Jack and Jill
what are those things
eat my Reeses
learning how to behave
take a moment
a lizard
normal
Facebook
drunk and disorderly
Buckwheat
a movie
you ask your cellmate
go on feel me
outta here
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