The year in personal firsts (not bests, just firsts)

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The Pantone color of 2019 is coral. And I saw a flamingo in the wild for the first time this year!
Photo by Ashley Satanosky via Unsplash.
  

This week
One of the nicest things about this week, which was otherwise full of some pretty horrifying national and international news, was noticing the ways that incoming congresswomen are so openly cheering each other on. Ayanna Pressley, just elected in Massachusetts's 7th congressional district, tweeted her thanks to New York's Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for "living #ShineTheory out loud." This is a term that Amina and I coined to describe the radical act of prioritizing mutual support over competition, and seeing the term used by these incredible politicians brought me to tears.

On the podcast, we chat about financial tips for the end of the year, our complicated feelings about Nancy Pelosi, and nuns who got caught in an embezzlement scam. 'Tis the season.

I'm reading
The autocratic leaders turning democracy into a tool of oppression. ICE used a call for support for migrant kids in detention as a way to lure immigrants to authorities, and then deport them. "Dear tech companies, I don’t want to see pregnancy ads after my child was stillborn." On Sylvia Plath and the many shades of depression. The psychology of Amazon Prime addiction, and why your family just can't quit it even when you want to. The healing powers of holograms. American taxpayers are spending millions on Confederate monuments and groups that perpetuate racist ideology. How to teach the Civil War in the deep South. Turns out that the products that people consider the best are... really just the products they're used to. The oil industry's covert plan to keep American cars guzzling gas. The gilets jaunes, and their fuel-tax protests, explained. How the cashless economy shuts out the poor, and why people who make less than $20,000 a year are more likely than the rich to be audited. A really good anti-poverty bill you probably haven't heard about. Why tipping is still the norm in America. On the sexual misconduct allegations against Neil deGrasse Tyson and the complexity of academic inequality. On Cyntoia Brown and the vast number of girls who are imprisoned for defending themselves against violence. The role of literature in a year when every week brought a new atrocity. On searching for gay love stories happening in the background of Harry Potter. Good grades don't predict success. Already-successful Artists are fleeing Instagram. (Alas it's harder for people still building their careers.) The difference between seltzer and sparkling water.


Members only
Become a paying member for just $5/year. [This is a secure site that takes all major credit cards but, unfortunately, not PayPal. For now.] I'd love your support. What are you missing? Click here to see what these pie charts are all about.

I'm looking & listening
Zanele Muholi's stunning self-portraits. Short interviews on life and death with people who are terminally ill. The art of WikiHow. The Cube Rule of food identification.

GIFspiration
They're headed to the Hall of Fame! (Can you believe they weren't there already??)

My 2018 Firsts
This was a big, busy year for me. I did a lot of things I've been saying I wanted to do for years. And while it's easy to think they were 2018 achievements, I know that a lot of these things I built up to slowly. This list is brought to you by lots of previous years where I wasn't able to say I "did" these things, just that I worked toward them.

Thinking about personal growth and professional goals in terms of a calendar year is ridiculous. But I also find it useful to review the past 12 months. So to that end, here's what I did in 2018:
  • Learned to quilt. My seams are sloppy, but I'm slowly making use of all the fabric scraps I've been hoarding for years. Quilting while half-watching a TV that's blaring in the background is a new level of turning-into-my-mom, and I'm here for it.
  • Wrote far fewer articles than in the past. I kind of panicked when I realized just how little I've published this year. Then I reminded myself that I gave up my remaining column gigs so I could focus on other priorities. Such as...
  • I sold a book! Oh my god, this one is huge. I've been saying I want to write a book since I was old enough to read them, and I've spent so many years working and waiting for the right idea. I feel great about this one and the collaboration with Amina that enabled it. I'm excited to finish the book next year. You can read it in 2020.
  • Got my moles checked out. (All good.)
  • Produced a photo/audio project with my friend Lara, who is also a photographer I've known and admired for decades. We presented the work as part of Pop Up Magazine (highly recommended, if you've never been) and will probably publish it online in some form next year.
  • Went on tour. Twice. I did 8 dates with Pop Up in September and 9 dates with CYG in October. This was bonkers. I learned a lot about intense travel and got very comfortable being on stage. But next year I will not be touring like this. 
  • Saved up for and took an incredible vacation. Somehow, making leisure a priority (with both time and money) felt almost as good as the trip itself.
  • Hired a bookkeeper, thereby greatly reducing several of my self-employment anxieties. Also shoutout to the tips at Taxes for Artists.
  • Learned a lot about how to be a friend to someone who's sick. And I'm still learning. The biggest thing is: Push through any awkwardness you feel. Don't disappear. Don't take no for an answer.
  • Read 28 books for pure pleasure, not work. If, like me, you have to read a lot for your job, you know why I list this as an achievement! Fiction forever.
  • Got into some new snacks: Mochi rice nuggets, Chomperz Sea Snax, yogurt mango gummies, and Everything But the Bagel seasoning on popcorn.
  • Organized a multi-city blood drive, which translated to almost 1,000 pints donated. (Related to the above point.) This project also turned me into a regular blood donor, something I'm really proud of.
  • Started wearing a watch. This Casio cheapie has changed my life. How many times did I pull out my phone to check the time and then get sucked into something I wasn't actually that interested in? So. Many. Times. Not anymore.
  • Solo-hosted a brand-new podcast and worked with a team of producers I really loved. You'll be able to listen to it in early 2019.

Your 2018 Firsts
Thanks for your replies to my lil survey last week! You all have had A YEAR. Here are some of the things you did for the first time:
  • Actively participated in a political campaign.
  • Performed an act of civil disobedience. 
  • Ran for office! And lost by two votes, but still ended up with a seat in local government.
  • Contributed to a 401k.
  • Went on a business trip by yourself to a city you'd never been to before and took yourself out for dinner solo every night. 
  • Met a person who told you about their job and you were just like "wow, this sounds exactly like what I want to do, I'm in," then you transitioned from a totally irrelevant field, got an internship, turned that internship into a full-time job, and are now an employee!
  • Learned how to forage for and eat wild mushrooms (and not die).
  • Got a puppy. Incredibly hard work but totally worth it for the endless snuggles and admiration just for putting food in a bowl.
  • Pranced around an Albanian castle with your girlfriend.
  • Had major, major surgery that was not only physically traumatic, but emotionally traumatic, and you gave yourself permission to cry and feel overwhelmed. You didn't put pressure on yourself to feel "grateful I was alive." You loved yourself enough to accept what you were feeling and tend to it with kindness and care. 
  • Gave up on having a close relationship with your mom, gave up counting carbs, gave up shellacking a smile on your face in public.
  • Saw your BFF get her PhD! The state of academia makes this one bittersweet, but she worked so hard and even if she doesn't become a professor, you're so, so proud of her.
  • Travelled internationally alone!
  • Saw a manta ray.
  • Backpacked all alone in bear country. (Worst night of sleep you've had in a long time.)
  • Debated birth control options - with your daughter (who is thinking about having sex).
  • Gave birth! You were so scared it would feel like something bad was just happening TO you, and sometimes it did, but sometimes it felt like you were choosing to do a hard thing on purpose.
  • Wore a fanny pack.
  • Started going to Al-Anon meetings.
  • Bought a car! Sold that car! Moved across the country!
  • Masturbated with a jacuzzi jet. 
  • Used a fire extinguisher for a real, live fire emergency. Whoops.
  • Got into flower-arranging. You had started getting fresh flowers every Sunday from the Farmers Market. But one day, you weren't into the bouquets on offer, and you thought you'd just start creating your own. It's one of the best, most beautiful habits you've ever given yourself.
  • Microdosed psilocybin (and god what a joy).
  • Lost a parent. It sucks and you don't recommend it.
  • Came out. It was a long time coming, but dang, it felt good.
  • Touched the Pacific Ocean.
  • Got up on one water-ski.
  • Jumped into snow in a bathing suit, made an angel and then jumped back into a hot tub. You felt like you were inducted into some secret Canadian club.
  • WENT TO THERAPY. AND GOD IT FELT/FEELS SO GOOD. 

The Classifieds

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Testimonials
"A lovely, simple gift guide (I particularly like the first suggestion) and other good stuff can be found in @annfriedman's newest newsletter" -Katrin Huth. If you missed it, here it is!

"I look forward to AF Weekly every week and I wanted to let you know." -Brooke. I look forward to sending it every week! This is such a healthy relationship.

This newsletter celebrates longterm dedication as well as firsts.
Forward it to someone who made your 2018.



Ann Friedman
AF WEEKLY

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