welcome to:
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Hello postman fans!
So, did you hear the latest? Black and Decker announced
a change in their business plan. Building has slowed in the
last decade, and as a result, so has the demand for power
tools such as those marketed by Black and Decker. Company
spokesmen announced in a press conference today, they
will be getting into the sex toy market. Company shares
have jumped dramatically and revenues are expected to
increase by 20% next quarter.
Got this note from a postman fan...
Martin, I am turning 65 this year. Social security will
be starting for me and open enrollment
is just around the corner. I'm confused. Who should
I talk to? Sandi
Sandi...send for this guide it will explain the stuff to you...
other comments from the postman fans:
Martin, love the new format. gonna change it?
Steve.
Postman says...not sure, maybe just now and then.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
A patient in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to
make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in this place."
Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again
asked him the same question. His reply was the same. "I am going to
make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window
in this place" Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could
never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when
they interviewed him, and he told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that.
You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you
some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, the man felt that he was ready.. So
when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out.
But this time he was ready. He said,
"I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?"
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating."
They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what"
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to
make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her
dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes?", the board said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked,
"Then what are you going to do?"
He said, "I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make
myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!"
Pops sees his son Elmer walkin' along with a lantern and asks, "Where ya goin', boy?"
The son smiles widely and replies, "I'm a-goin' courtin' Peggy Sue."
Pops says, "When I went a-courtin' yer Ma, I didn't need no dang ?lantern."
"Sure, Pa, I know," the boy says. "And look whatcha got!"
A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening.
Before too long, the cops pull him over.
The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"
"No," replied, the policeman, "you were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up.
Relax and enjoy yourself.."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way,
but when is the last time you had sex?
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious.
You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where
she proceeded to "relax" him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare
chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
Never Sing In The Shower
Singing leads to dancing,
Dancing leads to slipping,
And slipping leads to paramedics seeing you NAKED
So REMEMBER:
Don't SING
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Posted by: "Martin a.k.a. the postman" <martin7957@yahoo.com>
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