Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Sorry I missed the usual reasons to party that I normally start out the
month with but the cosmos has been aligned against me for the past
year. To begin with the time in bed has messed with my muscles
big time. Just going out to run a few errands leaves me hunched over
and feeling like I had just worked a double shift at the flywheel
factory. Buffy pressured me into asking my doctor for help knowing
I couldn't do this myself, so Tuesday I begin rehab for chronic back
pain at the same place where Eva has her speech therapy so maybe we
can get on the same schedule.My plans are after therapy to start
working out at the gym which is connected with our hospital.
On another matter, I have been talking to my nephew about another
website as the old one is now owned by some company in England.
That is no problem as we had been discussing a total makeover to attract
some new advertisers anyhow,
Some out there worry if they don't hear from me that I am mad. If you
are
receiving a mail today I am not mad at you. If you don't receive
anaything
it may be because your address is bouncing or because you finally made
me
mad and I deleted you.
If you sent me an email and it is not in the scuttlebutt, it is because
I screwed
up and blew up another Outlook Express Inbox. Time flies when you are
having fun and it got up to 2 gig before it self destructed and had to
be deleted
as it was too big to move and rename/ reopen. I am sorry, please resend
and I
will get it in the chips, links or scuttlebutt as necessary.
Still no spellchecker as I haven't found the Office disk yet. please
excuse any typos
and the malfunctioning spacebar that flew off the last time the keyboard
hit the floor.
Last but not least there is still a lot of days of March left so here is
a reason to party
and if you live in the Midwest or Branson and dodged all those winter
tornadoes
I would say you have a reason to party till April.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
March is such a boring month and up till the time I received this it
looked like St. Patrick"s Day was the only day to go out and party.
Now you have 31 reasons to go out and make a fool of yourself,
like I need a reason.
Bizarre Holidays In March
March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 2 is Old Stuff Day
March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National
Anthem Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day
March 6 is National Frozen Food Day
March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day
March 8 is Be Nasty Day
March 9 is Panic Day
March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day
March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day
March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day
March 13 is Jewel Day
March 14 is National potato Chip Day
March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day
March 17 is Submarine Day
March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 19 is poultry Day
March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
March 21 is Fragrance Day
March 22 is National Goof-off Day
March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and
Dip Day
March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day
March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day
March 30 is I Am In Control Day
March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day
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Aussie Chips
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Insults In Aussie
* "I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on
your shoulders."
* "Not enough brains to giv! e 'imself a headache!"
* "About as useful as tits on a bull."
* "You must be the world's only living brain donor."
* "He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."
* "She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard."
* "He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
* "May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny
down."
* "He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
* "So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him
'til the bell rang!"
* "Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
* "Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
* "As ugly as a hat full of arseholes."
* "If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave
it's arse and make it walk backwards."
* "Got a face like a bashed in shit can."
* "Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."
* "Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
* "Couldn't organise a f**k in a brothel with a fist
full of fifties."
* "About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-
kicking competition."
* "I'll kick your! bum till your nose bleeds!"
* "A stubbie short of a six pack." "Seen better
heads in a piss trough."
* "You're as handy as shit on a stick." "Tighter
than a fish's arse."
* "So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit
him."
* "Face like a smashed crab."
* "As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."
* "He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
* "F**ked in the head."
* "You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
* "He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
* "Mate, she's as rough as a pigs breakfast."
* "Your face is like a twisted ugg boot."
* "He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a
thistle."
* "She's been hit with the ugly stick too many
times."
* "She's two pick handles wide."
* "An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
* "As ugly as a bag of spanners."
* "You've got a head like a dropped pie."
* "He thinks his shit don't stink, but his farts
give him away."
* "I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."
* "Fell out of the ugly ! tree, and hit every branch
on the way down."
* "Your the load your mother should have swallowed"
* "If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."
* "Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with
an armful of deck chairs."
* "As thick as two short planks!"
* "You got a head like a busted watermelon"
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swollen knees
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c001.html
my pants
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c002.html
what Adam said
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c003.html
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Lie Chips
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Top 10 Online Lies
10. "I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend".
9. "You're different...........I've never felt like this
about someone I've never met before."
8. "I'm new online and haven't had time to create a
profile...............but tell me more about yourself."
7. "I never do cybersex!! Yet here in this room alone
with you, well I'm getting excited"
6. "Yes of course I'm female............"
5. "No this is my only screen name....You mean you can
have more then one?"
4. "I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and guys love my body!"
Male version is "I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out"
3. "I'm not like most of the guy's here, I just want to meet
so we can just have coffee and get to know each other" (at
the hotel coffee shop)
2. "I don't care what you look like, it's whats on the inside
that counts" (Which is true,except it means "I'm horny and could
care less, just type")
1. "Tonight my love...........our souls have touched.
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College Chips
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Real College Courses
You can look 'em up:
"Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame" (University of South Carolina,
Columbia)
"GaGa for Gaga: Sex, Gender and Identity" (University of Virginia)
"Arguing With Judge Judy: Popular 'Logic' on TV Judge Shows"
(University of California, Berkeley)
"The Phallus" (Occidental College)
"Zombies" (University of Baltimore)
"Comics" (Oregon State University)
"Harry Potter: Finding Your Patronus" (Oregon State University)
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Blonde Chips
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Read every day, but rarely contribute. Thought you may want to use a
couple of these:
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in
movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
***************
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the
escalators for over four hours.
****************
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor,
in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered
up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting
glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire
frames."
****************
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful ( you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and
finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
******************
This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around. This should make all
you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something
nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a
cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its
features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her
new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said,
"how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as
a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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Disney Chips
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Whatever happened to our favorite Disney characters?
MICKEY MOUSE:Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple
prostitutes
because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.
DONALD DUCK:Served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavilion.
PLUTO:Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
GOOFY:Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
SCROOGE McDUCK:Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE:Involved in an underground child pornography ring.
CHIP & DALE:Extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
SNOW WHITE:Fell for the "apple trick" again.
DOPEY:'nuff said.
SNEEZY:Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
GRUMPY:Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
HAPPY:Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
DOC:Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under
bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.
SLEEPY:Never woke up.BASHFUL:Now a stripper with the Chippendales.
MARY POPPINS:Shot down over Iraqui airspace.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN:Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
WINNIE THE POOH:Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
PIGLET:Gunned down in a mafia hit.
RABBIT:Died of an aneurism while watching over his garden.
EEYORE:Committed suicide.
TIGGER:Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
PETER PAN:Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
TINKERBELL:Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Prayer For You (written by Sondra)
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/Pr.html
Brother Bob's Christian Poetry Potpourri
http://brotherbob.christian.net
Forgiving
http://www.carolspoetry.com/oct06/2.html
A Special Friend
http://www.frommyheart2u.com/friends/aspecialfriend/
Choose His Children
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/choosehischildren.html
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Surfin Surfari
Parenting No-No's 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html
Why Me? Moments
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html
Polar Bear
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polar.html
The Technique Zone
http://techniquezone.blogspot.com.au/2008/08/acrylic-paint-transfer.html
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Tech Links
Fix LCD Dead Pixels
http://udpix.free.fr/
Pinks Webby Goodies
http://www.pinkgrafx.com/webtv/index.html
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Animal World
Animal News
http://www.animalconcerns.org/categories.html?do=shownews
Rattie Rascals Rattery
http://www.boardmanweb.com/rattery/links.htm
Dogs As Best Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html
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Ad Chips
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New Marlboro Ads
Warning: cigarettes give you a raspy voice that makes
you sound as cool as you look."
[Cough] [hack hack] [cough] [thpt] Smooooth."
1"Don't worry; you have an extra lung."
"All of a sudden, your wife nagging you about smoking
isn't nearly as annoying, is it?"
"...That was the sound of a 65-year-old smoker hocking
up a lung oyster at three in the morning."
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a carrot stick?"
"Betcha can't smoke just one."
"I have less tar and nicotine than the leading brands,
you big pansy."
"Buy another pack. Tobacco settlements don't
pay themselves, you know."
"The Marlboro Man has determined that the Surgeon
General is a pussy."
"Each cigarette shortens your life by three minutes,
so smoke faster."
"You have smoked... THREE... packs today. At this rate
you will develop emphysema in... FIVE... years."
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Toon Chips
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Short Chips
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A young nurse was giving an old army man a bath and told him he would
have to wash his own privates.
"Privates?!" he shouted. "At my age they should be at least Generals
by now."
~~~~~
The young Swedish au pair had been working for the Schmitts for more
than a year. While hardworking and efficient, she still struggled with
English.
One day she told Mrs. Schmitt that she had received good news from her
boyfriend Sven. "He is coming visit me from army next week!"
"That's wonderful," the woman replied. "How long is his furlough?"
"Oh," the young woman said, "about long as Mr. Schmitt's. Maybe little
thicker."
~~~~~
According to 'Men's Health' magazine, the average man has had sex in a
car 15 times. That's something to keep in mind next time you're looking
for a used car.
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Parting Chips
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A kid, around 10 years old, ragged and dirty, is sitting on the curb. A
very shapely young lady passes. The kid calls out, "Hey miss, miss?"
Lady stops, and he asks, WIll you give me some pussy?Lady slaps
him across the face and walks off, leaving the little urchin crying.
Lady starts to ponder: "Geez, he's only about 10 years old, and probably
doesn't know what he's saying".Lady returns and walks up to the little
boy
and and says, "I'm sorry for slapping you"Between snuffles, he
replies,"That's
ok, ma'am"She decides to take him in the alley and give him
some.Surprisingly
the kid had a big dick and knew what he was doing. After the lady had 2
big
orgasms and the kid shot his load, the lady asked, " Do you ask every
lady
that question?"Urchin: Yes Ma'am!
Lady: Then you must get a lot of slaps then.Urchin: Yes, Ma'am.
But I also get a lot of pussy too!
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2142
Tami's Air-de-fare
(another story)
Tami was boarding her plane for OKC when she noticed the logo
on the wing... KSR
Tami: Nah couldn't be.
Ticket please!
Tami hands her ticket to the flight attendant: Here you go.
Flight attendant: May I have a look at your photo ID please?
Tami: Why?
Flight attendant: Homeland security, terrorism and the like.
Tami: Oh mumble and growl... Here.
Flight Attendant: You look much younger and thinner in this picture.
Tami: It was taken only a year ago!!!
Flight Attendant: No need to be testy ma'am. Please go ahead and
be seated and any further outbursts and I will notify the authorities.
Tami: Ack! Hey you look like...you are Katie!
Flight Attendant: I do work as a flight attendant part time...please be
seated miss, next please.
Tami: Growl. This will be an ugly trip.
Rudy coming down the aisle....: Anybody here have any jumper cables?
Tami: What?
Rudy: We need to start the engines, and the battery is weak.
Tami: You are telling me the engine will not start?
Rudy: Do you need batteries for you hearing aid Miss Tami?
Tami: I can hear perfectly fine.
Rudy: We just need a jump to start the plane. Sandi is pretty good
once the engine starts. She has an 89 percent success rate on flights.
Tami: What about the other 11 percent of the time?
Rudy: See my parachute?
Tami: Yes.
Rudy: It has worked 100 percent of the time when needed.
Tami: I think I will change planes.
Rudy: Oh too late. Looks like Sandi got a jump from that nice man
outside.
Tami: That nice man is my husband. I think I will kill him when I get
back.
Rudy: If...
Katie: Fasten you seatbelts please...oh nevermind.. we don't have any.
Tami: What we don't have seatbelts.
Katie: It saved you two dollars on the ticket.
Rudy: Well I am off to assist Sandi.
ROAR!!!
Tami: What kind of plane is this?
Katie: It is a very rare plane. It is a Heinkel HE-111. There
was only three left in the world at the beginning of the year.
Tami: Only three huh?
Katie: Well we crashed the other two. This is the last one left.
Tami: Mama.
Katie: Actually this plane does very well in normal weather conditions.
Tami: It is supposed to snow in OKC.
Katie: Gulp! I had better switch to my minister outfit then.
Later much later.
Tami: How much longer until we arrive at OKC?
Katie: We have been flying only 10 hours.
Tami: I can drive to OKC in 10 hours.
Katie: Well haste makes waste.
Later...much later.
Katie: The pilot said if you had seatbelts to fasten them we are
approaching our landing strip.
Tami: Wiley Post airport?
Katie: No, our landing strip.
Tami: Will Rogers airport?
Katie: No, our landing strip, the Double Bar cattle ranch.
Tami: Ack!
Thud....bump!
Katie: There the landing was not too bad was it?
Tami: No, I guess not.
Rudy: Captain Sandi would like to know if you want a taxi?
Tami: That would be nice.
Katie: KSR taxi at your service!
The end
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Adult Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
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