Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I want to thank everyone for their advice and personal notes
regarding curbing Eva's escape artist tactics. I was able to
outline some products to Buffy and she is supposed to pick
up door handle covers tomorrow when she takes Eva to her
speech class. I figure it will take her a couple of months to
figure those out and by that time the snow will be back. I
guess I am to blame for some of the stunts she pulls as
I am the one that has tried to give her a sense of humor and
she really does find a lot of amusement in locking Sandy
in the hallway but what the heck, I have done that a couple
of times myself. This morning I sat down at the computer
and was looking at a stack of junk mail sitting on my desk.
A munchkin had been to work scribbling on most of the
envelopes and by the time she got done she was doing a
real good job of printing William, actually more legible than
my writing. When I asked her what it was, she thought it spelled
grandpa so it was actually pretty good reasoning. I am not
worried as much about her lack of pre-school now because
even though she is behind the other kids who had it she is still
smarter than I was at that age. Now the only thing that bothers
me is the numbers she has been practicing looks strangely
like my bank account number.
Although it is true that the Lakes need the rain we sure have
been getting enough of it lately. I managed to get the front
lawn mowed during a dry spell but in the back the weeds are two
feet high. Today is Engineer's Day at the Locks and the
hydroelectric plant, but I think I will stay dry this year. I am
sure the farmers aren't very happy with this wet spell as it is almost
time to start the first cutting of hay.
Enjoy the chips and have a great weekend... buffalo
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Little Johnny Chips
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A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the
teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny .
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...
again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said,
"Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered,
"Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a
Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron and
your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama
fan."
Obama
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Golf Chips
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The husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples alternate
shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a
par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the
fairway.
Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit
it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine."
The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, the husband said "That's ok sweetheart." He then spent
the next ten minutes looking for the ball. He finally found it,
but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life, and
got the ball within two feet of the hole!
"Just tap it in now, honey." he said to his wife.
She then proceeded to knock the ball past the hole, off the green,
and into a bunker!
Maintaining his composure, the husband summoned all of his skill
and holed the shot from the bunker! He retrieved the ball and,
while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and said,
very calmly, "Honey, well we managed to salvage that hole, and
I'm sure we can do better on the next hole."
To which she replied, "I certainly hope so! And just remember,
only 2 of those 5 shots were mine!"
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Baby Chips
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There were these two gay guys who decide they want to have a baby.
So they find an obliging lesbian, have her impregnated by sperm
donation, and are simply thrilled when she gives birth to a seven
pound baby boy.
They rush to the hospital for the first viewing of their son,
standing with their noses pressed against the glass of the nursery
window and surveying row upon row of crying infants. Except for one
quiet, clean little baby, cooing softly to itself amid all the
chaos.
Sure enough, when the gays ask to see their son, the nurse heads for
the quiet baby and brings him over for the proud parents to ogle.
"Gee," said one of them to the nurse, "he sure is well behaved
compared to the rest of those howling brats, isn't he?"
"Oh, he's quiet now," said the nurse, "but he screams like all the
rest when I take the pacifier out of his ass."
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Bingo Chips
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DO YOU FALL ASLEEP DURING MEETINGS OR SEMINARS?
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? Here's a way
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change all that.
1. Before your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare
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Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will
give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competencies
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* take that off-line
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mind set
* incentive
* realign
* game plan
* leverage
3. With your square neatly prepared, get ready to play "BULLSHIT
BINGO".
Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those
words/phrases
spoken by the speaker.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,
stand up and shout..."BULLSHIT!" Probably quietly if you value your
job!!
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Baseball Chips
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One day a man went to England on a trip and
met a woman there, they grew to like each other
enough for her to come to America with the man
on his flight home. When they got back to America
the man said "I would like to show you an American
pastime."
The woman said, "What is it?"
"Baseball," the man said.
The next day, the man took her to a baseball
game. The first man came up to the plate and
hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the
next man bunted the ball and beat the throw to
first base. The third man came up to the plate
and he gets walked.
The man says, "Are you understanding this game?"
The woman says, "Yes, but what I don't understand
is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first player,
and he hits it. then he hurls the ball at the second
player, and he taps it and runs to where the other
man was standing And then the third player, this is
the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball
and he just stands there - 4 times - and then he just
walks to the place where the other man was standing."
Then the man says, "Well that is because he has four balls."
The woman says "Poor thing he couldn't run if he tried."
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/New Arrival
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Marlene/Gospel /Jimmy Martin
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Art Linkletter and The Kids 1
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Videos/artlinkletterkids1.html
Art Linkletter and The Kids 2
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Windows Tutes
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Movie Maker Tips
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Kitty Korner
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Bob & Tom Around The World Series
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Boob Job
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Borrowing The Old Mans Car
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Jet Engine
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John McCain
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Larry The Cable Guy 111
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Colon Chips
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A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made
while he
was performing colonoscopies:
"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before."
"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
"Can you hear me NOW?"
"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey
Pokey...."
"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
"If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not,
in fact,
up there?"
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Toon Chips
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Somewhere In America
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Amish Gone Bad
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Pregnant
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Disgusting
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Bob Barker
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Forty Beavs
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Cats In Heat
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What Happened
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Have Some!
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Limerick Chips
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JACK AND JILL
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass,
And now two of his front teeth are missing.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?
Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky,
Jill came back with a very sore crack,
Jack must have been a Yankee!
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill is now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.
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Parting Chips
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Ole and Sven were fishing in the U.P.
when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no
matches, he asked Ole for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then,
reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches
long.
'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic
lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster?'
'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
'Could I see him?'
Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops
the Genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good
friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving
Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks...flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole,
'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a
million ducks!'
Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat DA Genie is
hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2060
Politics cont
Val: So what are the differences between the
two major parties Sandi?
Sandi: Okay see those two piles of pooh?
Val: Yes, one is fresh and one is older.
Sandi: The fresh one is in power now, the
older one is not in power. That is pretty much
the difference. If you dig deep, they smell the
same.
Rudy: Eck!
Sandi: Yeah, people want change, but people
have to be careful what they ask for. Did you know
that Hitler was elected to office by an election?
Katie: No. I thought he was a thug.
Sandi: He was, but he used the tools of democracy
to eliminate liberty, then to eliminate democracy.
Rudy: What is the answer?
Sandi: Go back to the Constitution, back to being a
true government of the people, for the people and
by the people. Eliminate the controllers.
Rudy: You mean kill them?
Sandi: No silly, just keep them out of politics. Bring
back carrying and eliminate apathy in people.
To be continued
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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