Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
At least it is smaller than an iceberg. From the Archives.
During one morning watch, H.M.C.S. Bonaventure, a light aircraft
carrier, Canada's last operational carrier, was steaming merrily
along in the north Atlantic on its way home from England, when it
hit something that caused the entire ship to shudder. Action and
rescue stations were activated and all hands accounted for. A check
of water tight integrity proved no apparent damage. She circled the
area until first light to identify what she had hit. The forward
lookout reported to the bridge that the ship had hit an elephant.
Reports were sent to Halifax Command and disbelieving messages flew
back and forth. Against all common sense ship's logs were filled out
with all pertinent details recorded for posterity.
Apparently, after much investigation it was determined that a
cargo ship carrying the Barnum and Bailey circus to the U.S. had
jettisoned a dead elephant, and as it was mid Atlantic, never filed
a hazardous flotsam report to any authority.
The "Bonnie" remains to this day the only ship with a recorded
collision with an elephant...Fw&fs.Don
buffalo says I have felt the same thing before on a full sized
carrier.
Someone would always comment we had just run over a whale
and it was really hard to believe that anything weighing 80,000
tons and traveling at 30 knots could be slowed by something
weighing 20 tons. We lived, slept, and worked in the bowels of the
ship and it was easy to go two weeks with no sunlight while
the guys up on the flight deck got an overdose of sunshine everyday
and could see what was going on in the ocean. Maybe we were
running over Vietnamese fishing boats. We had sort of agreed not
to interfere with fishing vessels or nets but they would drop nets
and interfere with the task force's formation by playing chicken. A
few found out it wasn't a good idea to play chicken with naval
vessels
and our captain liked to change course just to run over nets.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
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A couple has been dating for three months, and the sex is getting
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One night they're lying in bed when the girl says, "Harry, want to
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He says, "Sure."
She says, "Stand over me and take a shit on me."
He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and takes a dump on her
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She says, "Now lie in it on top of me and screw me."
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The next time they're lying in bed, it's boring and she asks him to
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chest. Then he lies on her, and they have another incredible lay.
As time goes on, Harry really gets into it. He eats like a horse on
the days before their dates, because it seems the more he craps on
her, the better the sex is.
One Thursday night, he has the runs, so on Friday morning he eats a
few cheese sandwiches and downs a whole bottle of Kaopectate before
he goes to work, so he won't wheedle down his legs at the office.
That night, he goes to her house, they go in the bedroom and get
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and then llbbt!...a little fart...but nothing of any substance. For
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He says, "Honey, what's wrong?"
She says, "You're seeing someone else, aren't you???"
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Tourist Chips
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Things not to say while visiting a foreign country:
IRELAND
"Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is
black- did a leprechaun crap in it?"
FRANCE
"Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren't the French just
Germans who can make sauces?"
ITALY
"Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O's! "
POLAND
"Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?"
GERMANY
"Is this bratwurst kosher?"
TURKEY
"Where's the hash at? It's cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?"
KOREA
"Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people
deep fry him?"
CHINA
"This wall isn't so great."
SWEDEN
"Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a
dumb blonde joke?"
YEMEN
"Yemen? That's a stupid name for a country. What's it
mean -- 'Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?"
INDIA
"You don't live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy
steak around here?"
SPAIN
"So, this is the country that's not Portugal? Wow. Your
women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get
some Cheez Whiz nachos?"
MEXICO
"What's that smell?"
SAUDI ARABIA
"Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?"
RUSSIA
"Is it always this cold and economically devastated?"
UZBEKISTAN
"Can you spell Uzbekistan?"
GREECE
"I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."
AFGHANISTAN
"Seriously, where is the real country? Where is everything?"
JAPAN
"What's Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?"
AUSTRALIA
"How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?"
AMERICA
"Was John Wayne gay?"
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Law Chips
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A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to
have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In
addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be
published in the local newspaper. The man does not
receive any punishment.
No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in
Norfolk, Virginia.
In the state of Washington there is a law against having
sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (including the
wedding night)
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is
the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position
is considered illegal.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed
women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps
of beer while lying in bed with his wife.
A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a
husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells
like garlic, onions, or sardines.
In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts
in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you
are nude.
A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance
on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than
three pounds, two ounces.
Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to
provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest.
According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they
are wearing the nightshirts.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally
sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken
to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple
should engage in a sexual act while parked in their
vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear
patent-leather shoes.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun
while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
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"How are you?" Mr.
Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor,
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ha-
ha..." Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
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Dating Chips
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Chuck was always shy with girls. One evening, he got his best
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One sweet young thing in the room noticed Chuck, thought he
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"Bob," Chuck said. "That girl over there is giving me the eye.
What should I do?"
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"Bob," said Chuck, now getting rather excited. "She's smiling
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"Bob!" exclaimed Chuck. "She bent over and showed me her tits.
Now what do I do?"
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So Chuck turned toward the girl, stuck his thumbs in his ears,
and waving his fingers stuck out his tongue, and wiggling it,
exclaimed, "Bluble, bluble, bluble!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Happy Fathers Day (Friend)
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Carol w/One Day in a Lifetime
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Sand Sculpture Art 3
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Surfin Surfari
I thought you might find the following article interesting: Via Nancy
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/benzene.asp
Grog's Boating Knots Index
http://www.animatedknots.com/indexboating.php
Astronomy Picture Calendar
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/calendar/allyears.html
Dirty Car Art
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A Close Call!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJiUqr-L4QU
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Simmons
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Poor Mailman
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Cute Doctor
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Weiner Chips
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Headlines About Anthony Weiner
Real headlines...
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Sexts Show He's the Kink of Queens
Disgusted Democrats Letting Weiner Shrivel
NYers: You'll Never be Mayor 'Crotch
Huma pregnant! Pop Goes The Weasel
Weiner's Swan Schlong
Weiner: I'll Stick It Out
Weiner: I'm Standing Firm
Trapped Gym Rat
Obama Beats Weiner
NY Daily News:
Weiner's Pickle
Yeah, I'm a Schmuck
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Toon Chips
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Camping
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I'm No Drive In Bank
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Gopher Hole
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Canned Tits
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Clara
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I'll Have the Brown Crap
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a man named Odom
Whose balls were too big for his scrotum
Though it was relief that he sought
It all went for naught
Cause he didn't know how to unloadem
There was a guy from Nantucket
He told his wife to suck it
When he didn't cum
She said he was dumb
And hit him upside the head with a bucket.
There once was a man named Vic
Who pleasured himself with a stick
He once got it stuck
And said "what the fuck?"
And now there's no room for a prick!
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Parting Chips
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Three guys are walking down the beach when
they see this beautiful woman laying naked on
the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts
making love to her, when she says, "What will
we name the child?"
The guy freaks and runs away. So the second guy
goes over to her and starts "doing his thing" when
she says, "What will we name the child?"
He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts
on a condom and goes to do his thing. When she
says 'what will we name the child?' He ignores her
and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps
going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a
knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the
ocean. He turns to the girl and says, "If he gets out
of that, we'll call him Houdini."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2054
The Little Sneaks
BJ is off of work and drives home.
When he gets home he goes upstairs.
BJ: Hmm where are the dogs? No noise.
Upstairs the dogs are seriously crashed.
Rudy is in the recliner snoring.
Sandi is on the couch with the remotes.
Val and Katie are on the dog beds.
BJ: This place sounds like a chainsaw convention.
BJ: What's this on the floor? A potato chip bag, empty?
BJ: In the DVD player.... Lassie Come Home... Hmm looks
like we had a party.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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