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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
A comment from a postman fan
Hey postman:
You really should pass this on to your readers. It could prove
very useful to them. It is an investigative tool. For me, it was a lifesaver
It will check a person's criminal background. And it saved me a real problem.
I had been dating a guy online who sounded wonderful. a dream boat.
Then I checked him out on NATIONAL CRIMINAL RECORD SEARCH.
They check Criminal Felony and Misdemeanor
Records, Predator Registries, Mug shots, Terrorist Watch Lists, and even traffic violations!
This guy turned out to be a real loser and I was very fortunate.
Your readers can do the same thing with it.
Marcia in Florida.
The Postman says,
OK Marcia, I will. I checked this out, its amazing.
You can use it to check out your babysitter, contractors working on your
house, if you're an employer hiring a new employee,
your daughter's boyfriend, even a fellow co worker.
Amazing, well worth it.
The Postman
Click here for National Criminal Search
http://www.tinyurl.
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Local police have announced a viscous and deadly scam.
Operating in local home improvement parking lots,
these two young ladies distract the male victim first by
giving him a B.J. and in the process, the other girl steals
the victim's wallet. It is my regret to report to you that
I personally have fallen victim to this scam myself,
on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and come
to think of it, I have to go to the Home Depot store again
today, darn.
============
I want to make sure that you keep your eyes open for the
weekend issues of THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! There is going
to be something very special in THE LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES
section! You want to know what it is? well I'm not gonna tell ya hehe.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman!
Cancun, Vegas, or Napa Valley - Claim up to 4 Nights Free!
Be a part of Summer Bay Resorts most exciting promotion ever
and click now to reserve your free luxury resort stay.
Limited Time promotion - No Purchases Required!
http://www.tinyurl.
LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!
tequila
http://www.thepostm
couch slidin
http://www.thepostm
shavin
http://www.thepostm
THE COMICS
not what I had in mind
http://www.thepostm
you're right doctor
http://www.thepostm
body surfing
http://www.thepostm
Lois and the blind date
http://www.thepostm
I got an idea
http://www.thepostm
day dreamin
http://www.thepostm
well, do something with it
http://www.thepostm
sorry, my mistake
http://www.thepostm
hold my calls
http://www.thepostm
thought you could use this
http://www.thepostm
A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he
was to bring $ 50,000 to the 17th hole of the
country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he
ever wanted to see his wife alive again.
He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked
man stepped out from behind some bushes and
growled, "What the hell took ya so long ?
You're over two hours late."
"Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie.
"I have a 27 handicap."
____________
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting.
The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to
creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals,
the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described
his kill to the farmer.
"It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy.
"Oh, damn!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"
____________
Cyber sex tips
1. Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex
please make sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. aattendance)
out of the room at the time, (preferably out of the house and not
during a major holiday when your in-laws are also present or at a
time when all your relatives are in attendance). It really gets
difficult explaining what you are doing undressing in front of the
computer, drooling out of one corner of your mouth, moaning and
groaning while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.
2. For men, before you begin, please check that your modem protector is on, along
with the splash guard for your keyboard. It will stop the future
embarrassment of telling the computer technician that your keys are
"stuck" and you have no idea why.
3. For women, no matter what you are
truly wearing, such as, sweat pants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe,
slippers, T-shirt with stains on the front, bloomer underwear that
could cover a car or be used for a parachute, always tell your
potential cyber partner you are wearing a thong, garter belt with
black stockings, and your best wonder bra, (the one that has
everything pulled up so high your bellybutton is under your chin),
and a pair of high heels. We don't want to destroy that myth that all
women dress that way when we sit down at the computer. Although I
truly wear these things each and every time I sit in front of my
computer. It does seem to cause a bit of a commotion at the office
but I have certainly worked my way up the ranks in the company). As
for what the man should be wearing, we all know that they are all
naked and wearing just a smile.
4. If the cyber begins to get very hot
please refrain from straddling your monitor, there are many potential
emergency room stories to be told if you get overly excited, not to
mention the many years of therapy to get you to let go and not
continue this sordid affair with your 15" screen.
5. If the cyber is
not going well, please let the other person know in the best way you
can. It is not very polite to tell them that you are doing your
nails, have just made up your grocery list for the next month,
shingled the house, pulled out one of your wisdom teeth because you
were bored, would rather read the instructions on how to set the time
on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure the light still works
when you open the door, and last but not least, stuck your tongue to
an ice cube tray to stop the monotony.
6. When it really starts
getting hot and heavy, please check your spelling before you send
that embarrassing typo, i.e., "oh baby, let me suck on those
beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your hot, wet posse" (kinda
puts a western slant on things), hmmmm, things could get interesting
with boots and spurs though. "Oh baby, you have such a big coke"
(hope you got the super sized fries and burger with that). "That's it
baby, show me that beautiful clint" (go ahead, Make my day), and the
proverbial "oh fork me hard!"
7. Pay attention to what is going on.
Please refrain from putting your "coke" in one place, when your cyber
partner had just typed that it was someplace else. If you have no
clue as to where the cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are
really lost and can't keep up, or you had a case of premature
cybering and really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy
your female counterpart, just pretend you got bumped offline. That
always works and at least she won't take it so personal. Please
refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out."
8. Once both
cyber partners have been satisfied, or faked satisfaction, (oh great,
we now have the added pressure of faking cyber-orgasms too), at least
say thank you. (Thank you can mean, thank God its over, or THANK YOU
because you truly had a wonderful time).
9. If it was a truly bad
experience, do not feel pressured Into ever having cybersex with this
person again. When they ask for your email address, just give them
the wrong one. If they begin to pester you, its proper etiquette to
just bump yourself offline, or just say "HUH? I never got your
Message." Nobody needs to suffer a really bad cyber twice.
10. Last
but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go blind,
unless you keep all the lights out in the house while having it,
watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes burn. Realize
that you may be addicted if your real life partner walks by naked and
you'd rather be typing with one hand and still trying to keep a
steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice with a partner you know.
And just for variety, when your right hand gets tired, try dating
your left hand for something different. Until your next hot session…
cyber on my friends
____________
At his request, each morning the mother of three-year-old Melvin, pinned
a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately
in his young imaginative mind the towel became a brilliant magic blue and red cape.
And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his "cape," Melvin's days
were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him
in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher
asked Melvin his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without pause.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked
again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Melvin answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide
amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a voice
quite stern, said, "I will have to have your real name for the records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Melvin slid his eyes
around the room, hunched closer to her, and patting a corner of frayed
towel at his shoulder, answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."
____________
BUFFALO'S
Movies
Bad Flight
http://www.buffalos
Belly Button
http://www.buffalos
Big Slam
http://www.buffalos
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman!
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or http://www.thepostmanscorner.net
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