Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was listening to a friend online talking about being tired because
he
had been out digging fence post holes. I sympathized with him till he
mentioned he had been using a auger with a six horsepower Honda
motor on it mounted on a cart. After a flashback to drilling 750
post holes in hard clay with an auger that was ancient for 10 cents
a hole one summer, I no longer felt he deserved my sympathy. A
dime a hole may seem like slave labor but it was a dime more than
all the ones I had drilled before then. It was a way to add a few
more
bucks to my funds for school clothes and activities and when you
were a farm kid you had to be resourceful to make a buck here
and there. There were jobs available on neighboring farms but by
the time we finished haying or harvesting grain every one else was
done too. I jumped at the chance one summer to work three days
during the fair shoveling chips from the livestock barns. It was
20.00 a day from dawn to dusk pushing a wheelbarrow and driving
a manure fork. They were happy and I had 60.00 to throw into my
credit union account. During the summer we trapped minnows and
chubs for the live bait shops and sold them for a dollar a dozen. you
had to go back once a day and empty the crayfish and bullheads
out of the traps and rebait the traps with cornmeal. The minnows
went into a five gallon bucket and you had to carry it a quarter of a
mile out of the woods. The first job I ever had was helping a surveyor
for four hours and it paid a silver dollar but it was something new
and different. I helped a neighbor on a couple of well jobs carrying
21 foot lengths of jet rods. That one paid 5-10 dollars a day and
was a lot of fun.
Children these days are frequently paid way too much for small jobs.
It sets them up for a big disappointment when they finish school and
have to take a low paying job while they are waiting for someone who
is willing to give a job to someone with no experience. They find
themselves doing lawn care at 7.00 an hour instead of the 20.00
that dad used to give them for 30 minutes of mowing the lawn.
Be careful out there, it's Monday again... buffalo
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly
regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank
you."
she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but
I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be
rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she
said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
It was the first day of school, and the teacher was calling
the roll. She came to a strange name. The boy's name was I
P.P. Rainwater. She called it out. When the youngster stood
up, the teacher demanded he tell her his real name, or leave her
class.
As he was leaving, he looked over at his younger brother and
said, "Come
on Shithead. She won't believe you either."
Theory of Relativity: If you could fly twice the speed of light, you
could land on Mars, get out of your spaceship and watch yourself come.
Or, cheaper way, install mirrors on your bedroom ceiling.
The businessman spent a good half an hour in the hotel lounge bragging
to the hooker about how big his dick was. Finally she suggested they
retire to his room and check it out, and he willingly agreed. The guy
stripped off his clothes, jumped on top of the hooker, entered her,
and
said triumphantly, "Why don't you open your mouth, baby, so I can see
the end of my prick?" "Open my mouth?" scoffed the hooker. "Why don't
you wiggle your ass so I can feel it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Monster Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Frankenstein had been noticing for several years that
his "monster"
seemed to be lacking a certain "je ne sais quoi" in his life. He and
Mrs. Frankenstein were discussing the problem one day, and the Missus
suddenly had a bright idea. "Maybe he needs a mate."
"Good idea, my dear," said the doctor. "Let's create him a mate, and
he
can make love to her for the first time this coming Valentine's Day."
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in time to "wake her up" on Valentine's Day. The original=20 creation
was there beside Dr. and Mrs., just jumping from one foot to another
in
eager anticipation of the solution to this cravings.
As the electricity snapped and popped, Dr. Frankenstein
shouted, "Look!
She about to speak!" The new creation sat up and croaked in a broken
voice: "Oooooo ---oo! Head----ache!
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wow, you have a nice wife, I'll bet you have to think twice before
you leave your her alone at night." one man said to the other.
"I'll say." replied the second, "First, I have to think up a reason
for going out. Second, I have to think up why she can't go with me."
I was talking to Jeff about old King Solomon. "That old Solomon, he
was a mighty wise King," stated Jeff. "But all those wives and
concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide
the necessary food for all those women."
"How he fed all those women doesn't interest me," I said,
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Penny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Place three pennies on the table - Do you see any snakes here?
It's three copperheads
Place four pennies on the table - Do you see any car's here?
It's four Lincolns
Place five pennies on the table -Do you see any SEX here?
Hell no and you won't for five cents either!!!
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's
new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulls in front of them. The blonde then
puts her lips on the steering wheel. The brunette feared for her
life, but had the courage to ask, "What are you doing?"
The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn"
Penis: The only thing that a woman hopes she will find hard to handle.
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was
when I visited the Statue of Liberty." Woody Allen.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister.
A Brown University graduate student, in biology, is wanted now for
allegedly stealing a herpes virus from the university lab.
That's when you know you're a nerd, when you have to steal the herpes
virus instead of going out and catching it in the wild like everyone
else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ugly Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank
they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the
Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house
and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the
electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents
named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to
worry about birth control...your face
will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death
threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they
put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on
your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror
your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand
the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the
doctor took one look at you and slapped
your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of
the car window and got arrested for
mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey
and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat
by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labour your father went into shock.
You're so ugly, everytime your mother looks
at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've
just given head."
I know why you look like a horse, because I
saw your mother grazing in the field.
You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo
- first I peeked, then I booed.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in
dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell,
when people see you they run for the border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper
and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."
You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk
before she breast fed you.
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and
got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are
afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call
the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as
a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, everytime you go out you get
chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand
tries to fall asleep.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, they call you Moses because
every time you step in the lake, the water
parts.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger
nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in
handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang
it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo
they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, you can't get a date off
the calendar.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into
labour the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and
your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in
their car window as an anti-theft device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into
yogurt, just by looking at it.
You're so ugly, people create a Jackson
Pollock style painting when they spew on
the floor.
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LynnLynn's Links
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party.
While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became
unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress. She asked the
Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her. He was very
embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached
cautiously down the back of her gown.
"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it." Try
further down," she said. At this point he noticed that he was being
watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most
uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect
ass."
"Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the necklace."
The Game Warden stopped a deer hunter and asked to see his hunting
license.
"This is last year's license," the warden informed him.
"I know," said the hunter, "but I shouldn't need a new license, I am
only shooting at the deer I missed last year."
A man went to the doctor because he had a problem with his penis
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sudden he heard sniffff and it was gone!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The young harlot of Crete"
There was a young harlot of Crete
Whose fucking was far, far too fleet.
So they tied down her ass
With a long ton of brass
To give them a much longer treat.
When the Nazis landed in Crete
The young harlot had to compete
With the many Storm Troopers
Who were using their poopers
For other things than to excrete.
Our subversive young harlot of Crete
Was led to fifth-column deceit.
When the paratroops landed
Her trade she expanded
By at once going down on their meat.
Then here was this harlot of Crete
She decided to be very neat.
She said, "I'm too high class
To ream common ass,
And I'll wash every prick that I eat."
And at last this young harlot of Crete
Was hawking her meat in the street.
Ambling out one fine day
In a casual way
She clapped up the whole British fleet.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple with a box of condoms
proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered
that there were only six condoms remaining
in the box of 12, so she asked him,
"What happened to the other five condoms?"
His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated
with them." Later, she then approached her
male confidant friend, told him the story,
and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah, once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated
with a condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking
if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by
a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says
quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms
out: "No, you
are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head
of
the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out
of the
chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and
surrounded
by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "Okay . . . . NOW you're screwed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you've been watching TV or reading magazines and newspapers lately,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1069
Marcus
Diana: I see that Marcus (the new black cat) and you are
bonding.
BJ: Yeah, watch when I take a bath.
later..in the tub.
Diana: That is funny. Marcus on your lap in the tub, drenched.
I thought cats didn't like water.
BJ: You know I taught Slyvester to like water and Muffin to
like water. Well they are gone. So I have taught Marcus to
like water. He loves it. He may be the first critter that might
actuall take a bath with me. Ginger is the closest dog that
might take a bath. Cleo is afraid of the water so she will not.
Diana: I noticed Cleo is spending a lot of time in your bedroom.
BJ: Yep, she is sleeping under my bed. It will be only a matter
of time before she gets the nerve up to sleep next to me. She
will find a spot between Katie, Ginger, and Sandi, Sly did and
so can Cleo.
Diana: You and your critters. You should be Doctor Dolittle.
BJ: I love it, love them. I have no doubt they will make me
live longer and healthier. So this is a two way street.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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