Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I received an IM last night from a distraught friend, Dianne in
Calgary. Dianne in addition to raising her own family had
fostered many special needs children. She had recently dealt
with the death of one of her foster daughters after a long
hospitalization and last night got news that another had been
brutally murdered Sunday after being sexually assaulted. It
is a story reminiscent of the Kitty Genovese murder in NYC
in the sixties while at least 12 people witnessed her murder and
failed to come to her aid. In this case however people heard her
screams for help and figured that someone else would call. To make
matters worse the Police Department callously stated that she
led a high risk lifestyle. With 8 murders in two weeks and apathy
towards what is happening around them I would say that just
living in Calgary can be considered a high risk activity. Tara
Landgraf
was a mentally ill person off her medications and there was a comment
alluding to the fact that she may have been a drug user, does that
mean she deserved to die?
Our condolences and sympathies to both Tara's family and Dianne. We
hope for the sake of those out there alone in a world of their own
because of mental illness, that predators like the person who
brutally murdered
Tara are caught, convicted and forced to spend the rest of their life
in
prison.
I am sorry there has been so many painful subjects in my intros lately
and I hope the chips will offset the hurt of this last article but we
must
join together and fight crime before we too are victims... buffalo
Dianne Says Love your babies while you have them, never stop loving
them
http://www.edmonton
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Definition Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Definitions
MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of
spaghetti without it touching the sides.
MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.
MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.
NONDESCRIPT: A television play.
ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.
ORGY: Grope therapy.
PARENTS: Couples who practise the Rhythm Method.
PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.
PIMP: Nookie Bookie.
PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl.
PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature.
PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.
RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo.
RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.
REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.
SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.
SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.
SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.
SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.
SONATA: A song sung by Frank.
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.
STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardour.
TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.
TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a
projection without objection.
VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse.
VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy.
VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.
VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out.
VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers.
VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.
WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin.
WET DREAM: A snorgasm.
ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm.
CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.
DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.
GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian.
INCEST: Relatively boring.
INCEST: A game for the whole family to play.
LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.
MASTURBATION: I-balling.
SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Honeymoon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fanny and Myron get married and on their first night in bed, Myron
puts
his arm around Fanny and very sweetly whispers, "Fanny darling, please
pull up your nightgown."
Very sweetly Fanny answers, "Nooo."
Myron asks again, a little sterner, "Fanny pull up your nightgown."
Fanny again says, "No."
Myron is now angry and says, "Fanny, pull up your nightgown or I'm
going
out the door and you'll never see me again."
"No." says Fanny.
So Myron gets up and goes out the front door, slamming it behind him.
Fanny immediately gets up and locks the door.
Not too long after, Myron is back. He tries the front door but finds
it
locked. So he taps on the door and says, "Fanny, my darling, open the
door, it's me."
Fanny says, "Nooo."
Myron knocks a little louder, "Fanny, sweetness, please open the
door."
"No." says Fanny.
Myron starts kicking the door and shouts, "Fanny, open this door right
now or I'll break it down."
Fanny says, "Really? A door you can break down, but a nightgown you
can't pull up?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man named Gerry asked his doctor if there was a test to help him
determine if he was gay. The Doctor said, "Yes, there is. Please pull
down your pants."
Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told
him to "say 55."
Gerry said "55." The doctor then grabbed Gerry's penis and told him to
"say 55."
Gerry said "55."
The doctor then told Gerry to turn around, and putting a finger in
Gerry's anus he once again told him to "say 55." .......... Gerry said
"1...2...3..
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Computer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Summary of My Last Year on the Computer
I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die
in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/ Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with an infected needle.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the
Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped
in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-
law's second husband's
cousin's beautician..
Have a wonderful day....
Julie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alphabetic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Education Alphabet
"A" for......Asshole
"B" for......Boobs
"C" for .....Cunnilingus
"D" for......Dick
"E" for......Entry
"F" for......Fondling
"G" for......G-spot
"H" for......Handjob
"I" for........Inside
"J" for.......Jerks
"K" for......Kiss
"L" for.......Lesbian
"M" for......Man
"N" for.......Nipples
"O" for......Oral
"P" for... ...Penetration
"Q" for......Quicky
"R" for.......Rape
"S" for......Strokes
"T" for.......Trio
"U" for.......Undressin
"V" for.......Vouyerism
"W" for......Womaniser
"X" for........X X X
"Y" for.......Young
"Z" for........Zest
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local
minister comes walking around the corner.
The minister says, "My, Farmer Petrovich, you're certainly giving
that sheep a beating. You wouldn't do that to your wife, would you?"
The farmer says, "I would if she farted and jumped sideways every
time I tried to mount her!"
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the
class,
and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat under his shirt. She
said, "Why have you got your cat at school?" Little Johnny started
crying. "I'm trying to save his life. I woke up this morning to hear
the mailman tell my Mommy, 'I'm gonna eat your pussy today!'"
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and
tells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever
since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue
doing it and whether the pig is a male or female."No! I'm not doing
it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is a female, of course.
What the hell do you think I am a freakin' queer?
Stan Kegel
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Classic Cars
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Vasectomy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as
they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
"A less costly alternative,
cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a
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Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the
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held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
( you'll love this...)
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
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Toon Chips
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Love 15
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In marriage there's often a glitch,
When you find out you married a bitch,
She once was quite nice,
All sugar and spice,
Now she's an evil old witch
~~
The was an old woman from Kent
Who went to a football event
She sat near the goal
And opened her hole
One guess as to where the ball went?
~~
The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame--
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
When Britain's Prime Minister goes
To visit George Bush we suppose
He will, while he's there
Kowtow just like Blair
How much? I think only Brown knows
(Gary Hallock)
____________
A dentist, young doctor Malone,
Got a charming girl patient alone,
And, in his depravity,
Filled the wrong cavity.
God, how his practice has grown.
(From Stan Kegel)
____________
There once was a man from Calcutta,
who liked to beat off in the gutter,
the heat of the street
melted his meat
and turned his cream into butter.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man lay naked on the grass in a secluded part of the park, a
dazed but oddly happy expression on his face. "What happened?" asked
the cop.
"I was - uh - minding my own business," mumbled the man, "when a gang
of teenage girls came along and jumped me and - uh - tore off my
clothes.
And then. . . "
"And then what?"
"And then all heaven broke loose
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
George
Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Troy.
Roger said, "Troy, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell
you what they're like."
"Okay," said his buddy.
"Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure. She's short on
looks, but she gives an incredible blowjob. Suzie is pretty
and has a perfect pair of legs, which she shows
off by wearing shoes with very high heels."
"Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over
heels anytime."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1049
The Klock is Ticking
Katie: Father where is Rudy? We are trying to get the
wedding rehearsal started and we cannot find him.
BJ: I am not certain. Let's look.
A few minutes later...
Katie: I found him... over here father.
BJ: Egads, he has passed out.
Katie: I have just given him some smelling salts..
Rudy: Hey...what the?
BJ: You passed out...I think you have your bow tie on too tight.
Rudy: No, I am just nervous. My tux, is it okay?
Katie: You look nice Rudy, except you legs are shaking..
Rudy: All of me is shaking. What can I do dad?
BJ: Just get it over with I guess.
Rudy: Well this is just a test so let's do it.
Katie: Look at Sandi, she is beautiful in her wedding gown.
Thud!
BJ: Help me pick up Rudy.
To be Continued
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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