Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ok I suppose I could lie to you and say that I wrote a great
intro for today's chips and Eva deleted it while I wasn't looking
or that one of the cats jumped on my keyboard and had the
same effect, but I am going to stick with the truth instead. Last
night a UFO landed, oh nevermind that's a lie too. I am just feeling
lazy today because the weather is lousy and the news depressing.
Even a liter of Diet Coke and 2 of those coffee breath strips did
nothing to get me in the mood so all I can do is say, " Have a Great
Weekend.' ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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IQ Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day there was an article in the paper about a scientist that had
developed a machine that could adjust a persons IQ. Unfortunately it
could
only lower it. As Bill was reading the article he thought that might
be
the
solution to his problem. Bill was extremely smart - the most
intelligent
person on earth - which made it almost impossible for him to carry on
a
conversation with anyone. Everyone was too dumb for Bill. So he
contacted
the scientist and explained his problem. The scientist said that he
thought
that he might be able to help him.
The scientist explained that he would gradually reduce Bill's
intelligence
until Bill was satisfied that it was at the right level. The scientist
said
that he would watch the "Intelligence Dial" very closely and lower
Bill's
intelligence 10% at a time. As the machine took Bill's intelligence
lower,
the scientist would stop and talk to Bill until Bill was satisfied.
The scientist had Bill sit in the special chair. Many electrodes were
attached to Bills head. The scientist took Bill's intelligence down
until
the dial showed it had been lowered 10% and stopped. After Bill talked
to
him a while, Bill said that he was still too smart. The machine was
started
up again. After another 10% intelligence reduction, the machine was
stopped.
After talking with the scientist, Bill said that he was still too
smart.
This procedure went on several more times. The last time the scientist
turned on the machine, smoke and sparks started coming out of it. The
scientist could not get the machine to shut off. The "Intelligence
Dial"
swung all the way to zero before the scientist could pull the plug on
the
machine. The scientist was frantic.
As he pulled the electrodes off of Bill's head he said, "Are you all
right?"
Bill replied, "10-4 good buddy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bald Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You're beautiful, and that's not just the Rogaine talking."
"I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying
shampoo."
"Your eyes are sparkling -- or maybe that's just the glare off my
head."
"Can you see yourself in my head? How about my pants?"
"Would you like to run your fingers on my head?"
"Wanna go back to my place and see my hairpiece?"
"There are two things missing from my life: healthy hair follicle
growth
and you."
"Wanna buff me?"
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Vacation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gorgeously slim, size 8 blonde (droooooool)
from New York went to Australia
for her vacation and booked into a VERY expensive hotel.
She changed into her skimpy thong bikini, put on a
fashionable beach shirt, beach hat, sunglasses, new sandals ...
You get the idea. She grabbed a large towel; her new beach bag and
headed
for the golden Australian sand and sun.
To her surprise the beach was very crowded. The only spot big enough
to
accommodate her large towel was right next to a filthy, salt encrusted
bench
with a seriously dirty old bum collapsed on it.
She was VERY nervous about stretching out in her bikini next
to this old bum ... but it was the only available place. Anyway, she
was
on
holiday, this was Australia and she figured she'd be safe enough!
She spread her beach towel; removed her shirt and hat; and opened her
beach
bag to get her sun-tan lotion. She liberally applied sun-tan lotion
all
over
her VERY sexy, pale white body.
The bum watched intently.
She laid back on her towel to read a little. Then realized she'd
forgotten
to remove her new sandals. She sat up and slipped off her sandals.
As she stretched back down, the bum leaned over and asked,
"Hey lady, can I smell your pussy?"
Like a released spring and, absolutely outraged, she jumped
up and exclaimed, "Of course not! I've never been so insulted!" "Oh!"
announced the bum, "Then it must be your feet..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the
kids came
back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying
hens. One
time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
of the
pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying
and broke
and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good, " said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat
market. We
had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live
chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens
until
they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt
Karen was
a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to
bail out
over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a
machine gun
and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't
break
and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of
bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade
broke
and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did
your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't mess with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Triad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug meets Bill at the bar for their usual after work
drink.
Bill is sitting there looking somewhat depressed.
Doug asks, "What's wrong pal?"
Bill replies, "Well, I finally succeeded in talking my
girlfriend in to a threesome."
"Wow, lucky you. But why the long face?" Doug
remarks.
Bill sighs and says, "Yeah, well, as the threesome
into entered its second hour of hot and heavy action,
it dawned on me that I really should have specified
that I wanted to be one of the three."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Whore House Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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4. More Hole for your Pole!
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8. She'll Wear a Collar for a Dollar!
9. Will suck for a buck!
10.We'll Tally Whack Your Ban !
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Movies
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Coast Guard
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Coffee House
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Cool Dog
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William Tell
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Where God Wants Me
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Crappy Monday
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Ring My Bell
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Runway
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Tiger
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man brought the girl back to his apartment, took off his clothes,
and said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend." She took a look,
gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when it grows up."
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
We sent our parents during the Mardi Gras festivals to New Orleans
for their 55th Anniversary. They had a nice room in a hotel just
outside of Bourbon Street. Dad who was 82 couldn't sleep and decided
to take a walk at 1 A. M., the first night there. As he was cruising
down Bourbon Street, he saw a skimpily dressed woman on a balcony
above him. "Would you like to sleep with me for $100," she called
down to him.
He answered, "Making love at my age is always a real effort. But I
could sure use the money."
Jeep
A salesman at an auto dealership was showing a woman
Whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in
Added pounds -and girth - a Jeep.
When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought
To close with the typical line, "Now what would it take
To get you into one of these?"
Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied,
"Probably a crowbar."
Good girl
"Have you been a good girl?" the mother asked when she
Phoned her daughter.
"Yes, Ma'am!" the daughter said. All those men told me
I was VERY good!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Government 101
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Room For Three
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Laundry Day
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Rules
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On their wedding night the husband was so self-conscious about the
smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the
light.
Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his
bride.
"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light if
you want to write thank-you notes."
How can a girl tell when her date suffers from premature ejaculation?
When he comes walking in the door.
A Scottish couple was walking across the meadows. The girl looked at
the
guy and shyly asked, "Would you like to hold my hand?"
"Uh...well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye."
They walked a little further and the girl said, "Would you like to
kiss
me?"
"Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye."
As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump; the girl looked at the
boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?"
"Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? By the
gleam
in my eye?"
"No," replied the girl, "by the TILT IN YOUR KILT."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him
a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a
pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for
the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program .
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in
excellent shape and it takes him a while before he can continue, so
for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually
getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day he weighs himself only to
discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day,
50 lb. program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our
most rigorous program."
"Absolutely,
The next day there's a knock at the door, and when he opens it he
finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
"If I catch you, you're mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is in the delivery room in labor. one final push and the baby
comes out. Above the baby's pitiful first cries, she hears
the horrified gasps of the doctor and shrieks of the nurses. The baby
is rushed away before she can see it.
Later, a doctor comes in and says, "I'm afraid there's a...problem
with your new son. It seems he was born without a body."
She stammers, "You mean..."
"Yes," the doctor says, "he's just a head. But, on the bright side,
he's a perfectly healthy and normal head."
The years pass by, and the mother takes to putting her son (now a
teenaged head) on a table upstairs near the window so he can look out
at the other children playing. one day, the phone rings. It's the
hospital. A surgeon informs the woman that there has been a horrible
accident, and a young man has been completely decapitated. There is a
good chance that her son's head can be attached to the victim's body!
She drops the phone, runs upstairs to where her son has rested most
of his life and says, "Son! I have the most wonderful surprise for
you!"
The kid looks up at her and replies, "I hope it's not another bloody
hat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1052
The Wedding pt 3
BJ escorts Sandi up the aisle and then turns her over
to a bound Rudy.
Sandi grins at Rudy's situation and Rudy blushes but
seems better.
BJ goes over and releases Rudy's lashings.
Katie is crying....
Diana is crying....
Ginger is smiling...
BJ has mixed emotions...
As the service goes on the ring goes on Sandi's collar
and on Rudy's collar and finally they are introduced as Mr
and Mrs Cassady.
The flowers are tossed and Katie catches it....
Katie: I'm next!!!
Ginger: I have a real mommy and daddy now!
Rudy: Thanks pops for everything. You know nothing is
really going to change. Sandi is still going to sleep with you
because I work the graveyard shift.
BJ: Yeah I know. But you guys have a real legal family now.
Sandi blushing: Yeah, it feels nice. Now Rudy about those
beers you have been drinking. You need to cut down, look
at that pot belly.
BJ: LOL welcome to being a husband Rudy.
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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