Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The Dog Days of Summer have arrived. it is 90 degrees with a high
of 93 expected. At that temperature I don't get a lot done and Eva
and I have been sitting here watching TV and enjoying Popsicles.
There is something cool and refreshing with a Popsicle that can't be
duplicated with ice cream. Ice cream always leaves me wanting
something to wash down the sweetness with and then because what ever
you drink isn't as cool, you are warm again.
Still my living room is nowhere near as bad as the flywheel factory
where temperatures would range from 110- 120 degrees during the
hot days and the coolant we used generated a lot of steam which kept
the humidity high. The offices, quality control, breakrooms, and
even maintenance were air conditioned but this did production, the
guys who actually earned the money that paid all of staff's wages,
sweltering like they were standing in a southern swamp in summer.I
felt it was a nice gesture to stop at the super market and pick up
ten boxes of bomb pops or whatever large frozen treats they had
on sale at the time and distribute them to the people at their
machines
during the heat of the afternoon and early evening because my shift
covered two shifts from noon till 8 p.m. Contrary to what you may
think their break never adversely affected production, in fact their
numbers
were usually increased on those days. I still run into people that
don't
remember my name, but they do remember the treats I used to bring in.
Enjoy the chips and stay out of the heat... buffalo
P.S. Does anyone know the secret to breaking a popsicle in half
without
ending up with 3 or four pieces?
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. What do Jell-O and a woman have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
2. What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
3. What do women and condoms have in common?
They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.
4. What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
Odor eaters.
5. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotopuss.
6. Why do men name their penis?
They like to be on a first name basis
with the one making most of their decisions.
7. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
8. What does a rooster have that a man wants?
A hard pecker.
9. What kind of bees give milk?
Boo bees.
10. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
Speed bumps.
11. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
12. Why do only 30% of women get into Heaven?
If it were more, it would be Hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Sis
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Shave Shower
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Satisfaction bitch
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Bra Padding...
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Absolute Darling
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had
told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid
open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get
screwed," said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so
slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot,"
answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes
passed. Nothing hppened. He began to pound on the door insistently,
and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get
screwed!" "What?" said the voice, "Again?"
A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a
woman's blouse and said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The
boy, turned on by the scene and the love-making which followed,
finished watching the movie, and decided to try what he had just
witnessed on the girl next door, a classmate. He went over to her
house, found that her parents weren't home from work yet, ripped off
her blouse; and then said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The
girl stared at him and cooly replied... "You'll get what I got when
I
get it!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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John Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a boy born from a prostitute. She didn't give the boy a
name because she didn't care of love him at all. One day, after a
violent
arguement, the boy ran away. As he walked the streets, he saw a couple
and the woman said, "Oh..." ,as the guy presented a wedding ring,"I do
John!" The boy said, "Cool name, I tell my mom my name is John." So he
did.
John ran away again after another violent quarrel. While walking the
streets, there was a sting operation being conducted not far from
here.
The suspect was handing drugs to the policeman, who was well disgised
as
a addict. Then he said, "Get him!" The dealer, finding the true
identity
of the addict ran. The officers, numbering a dozen shouted, "Go, go,
go!"
John said, "Cool name, I'll tell my mom my middle name is go." So he
did.
Then John Go ran away a third time again after a violent quarrel. As
he
walked the streets, a fast moving convertible passed him and the
passenger said, "Faster, faster, faster!" John said, "Cool name, I'll
tell my mom my last name is faster. So he did.
One night, John's mom was out doing her profession. The mom came home
after a rough night to hear screaming in his room. As she entered the
room, he saw John with a girl. The mom, furious screamed, "John Go
Faster!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two deeply religious Irish retirees were sitting on a patio playing
checkers and sipping fine Irish whiskey. They enjoyed the mid-day sun
almost as much as much as watching the local citizens walk by.
A few minutes go by and a middle-aged women pushes a baby stroller
past
the patio.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm
thinkin'?"
"Aye," says the other as he takes a pull from his whiskey. "Shamus, I
surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a wee one."
"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they go about their game of
checkers.
A few minutes later, a young couple stroll down the avenue hand in
hand,
gazing deeply into each others eyes.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm
thinkin'?"
"Aye," says the other as he takes another pull from his whiskey.
"Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a lover."
"Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they do about their game of
checkers.
A few more minutes later, a young lass wearing clothes scarcely
covering
her shapely curves stops in front of the patio, bends over in front of
the Irishmen giving them full exposure to her lovely rear, and smells
the flowers in a near flower bed and walks on.
The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm
thinkin'?"
"I'm not rightly sure this time, Shamus," says the other as he takes
yet
another pull from his whiskey. "But if I am, I'll surely be joinin'
you
in confession this afternoon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Diet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written to Rexall Drug's Customer Service Center:
Dear Carb Solutions,
I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I tried your Carb
Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter (Serial
Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704) for the first time. The bar was a
substitute for my dinner because I was on the road.
I want you to know that I have discovered your secret formula for
weight
loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will make something so truly
disgusting in taste that it makes the victim . . . err, uhhh . . .
"dieter" not want to eat anything because they're physically nauseous.
This morning I defecated an exact replica of the bar I ate last
night. I
plan on taking my feces and your bar to shopping malls and asking
people
to take a bite of each and see if they can tell the difference.
It is true that my butt won't be able to produce as many "Taste
Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar it will be a
nice
second income for me. Like your company, I will probably only be able
to
sell one bar to a customer before they decide never to buy from me
again
-- so I'll have to keep moving all of the time. They'll probably make
a
movie about me.
Soon to be your competitor..
xxxxxxxx
Bellingham, Massachusetts
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to a pet shop and spotted a large beautiful parrot. The
sign on the cage said $50.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
He looked at her and said, "Look. I should tell you that this bird
used
to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes says some pretty
vulgar
stuff."
The woman thought about this and decided she had to have the bird
anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in the living
room
and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room,
then at her and said "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked by the implication, but then thought,
"That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them
and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and their mother were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation.
Shortly after, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The
bird
looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Subscribers and Friends
I'd Rather Have Jesus
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Table Templates
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Pool
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Corn Field Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bobby Ray and Susie Jane were fooling around out in the cornfield
when Bobby Ray said, "Oh Susie Jane, I am getting so horny, you just
have to let me have some."
Susie Jane said, "Well, maybe I will, but it is going to cost you a
quarter."
Bobby Ray dug down in his pocket and said, "Susie Jane, I only got
ten cents, and you just have to let me do it for ten cents."
Susie Jane said, "Ain't no way I am goin to do it for no ten cents, I
said a quarter."
Bobby Ray said, "I tell you what Susie Jane, how about you just give
me ten cents worth?"
Susie Jane said, "You must think I be crazy, cause you know you won't
stop when I say you got ten cents worth.
Bobby Ray said, "Oh Susie Jane, I promise, I promise I will stop when
you say I got ten cents worth."
So they get down between two rows of corn and start going at it.
After about a minute, Susie Jane said, "Bobby Ray, BOBBY RAY" and he
said, "Oh Susie Jane, now don't tell me I have got ten cents worth
already", and she said, "Bobby Ray, do you see that big cornstalk
over there on your left side? And Bobby Ray said, "Uhuh." And she
said, "Bobby Ray, do you see that big cornstalk over there on your
right side?" Bobby Ray said, "Uhuh."
Susie May said, "BOBBY RAY, you better grab ahold of those two big
cornstalks, cause I'm a fixin to loan you fifteen cents".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mountain Climber
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Art Lover
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Reality TV
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Addicted To The Web
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a young man named Sweeney
Who's girl was a terrible meany.
Her snatch had a hatch
With a catch that would latch,
And she could only be screwed by Houdini!
There was a young priest, name of Kelley
Tattooed the Lord's prayer on his belly,
By the time that a Brahman
Read down to the amen
He'd blown both salvation and Kelley.
There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She
was
awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal
sex
life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever
asked me that after having their tonsils out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to
pick
out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to
go first?"
"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not
ok
to go out side and play. Then he went out to play"
"Very Good Jenny!"
Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his
hands. "Yes
Johnny"
"I have a big one!" He exclaimed.
Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go
ahead Johnny" she says.
"Harassment!
yes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1041
The Question
BJ: Rudy we need to visit.
Rudy: Sure pops.
BJ: Err how do you, err what do you think of Sandi?
Rudy: Oh she is one heck of a friend. I don't know what
I would do without her.
BJ: Friend huh?
Rudy: Well more than that I guess. A sister.
BJ: Gulp! Not exactly what I was looking for.
Rudy: Well I mean I would like for her to me more to me
than a sister, but I am just too shy to say anything if you know
what I mean.
BJ: Yes, but we have a saying. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Rudy: I wouldn't want to lose my best buddy.
BJ: You might gain more than you think.
Rudy: You think?
BJ: Yeah, I think.
Rudy: Gulp!
Look my knees are shaking.
BJ: You got it bad son.
To be continued
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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