THE POSTMAN
These days, everything has blue tooth. So you gotta have a "smart one".
First it was smart tvs, right? Did you know they have smart refrigerators
now? A fridge w blue tooth. You are at the store...Do I need that?
It will tell you how many eggs you got at home. Now, I am not a real
high tech kind of guy.I am still marveling
at the smart tv thing. The way I figure,
a real smart tv would turn up the volume when you are eating
potato chips.
ENJOY THE JOKES
Korea responds to Trump's drone strike
Korea responds to Trump's drone strike
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was
listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"
The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"
"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"
"No," replied the man.
"Do you drink in excess?"
"No." replied the man.
"Do you have a sex life?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to
give up half your sex life.
"Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the
thinking?"
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Fuck!"
Bad Skydiver: "Fuck!!" "Whack!!"
A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a
respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society.
After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more
unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception.
"William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?"
"Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time."
"Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
A young nun at a convent had one too many sexual indiscretions, and turned up
pregnant.Scared, she told no one of this, and was thankful that the order she belonged to
wore loose, floor-length habits that would keep her secret safe, possibly right up until
the birth.And so it did, and upon the evening when the contractions started, she rushed
down into the basement, hoping that no one would hear either her own moaning, or the
cries of the newborn child.After the birth, panic set in; she didn't know WHAT she should do with
the baby. If she were found with the child, she would be thrown out of the order, with no place for
food or shelter.Knowing that the Mother Superior was a wise woman, and also having no other
options, she placed the baby in a basket, and quietly crept into the sleeping Mother's room in
the pre-dawn hours.She left the baby, and silently exited the sleeping chambers.At sunrise, the
Mother Superior awakened, and heard the baby as it was just waking from a nap. She quickly
looked over the side of her bed, at the child in the basket, fell back in her bed with a sorrowful
look, and dejectedly sighed, "Oh, God! You can't even trust your own finger any more!
A young stud undergoing his first testosterone attack picks up a young lady and after a while
drives to a secluded place a mile from the nearest phone. After some preliminaries he says
"Put out or walk." The gal says "well, put that way, I'll walk." She gets out of the car and walks
back to town.The next evening the same young stud picks up the same pretty young gal and ends
up with the same proposition only this time three miles from town. Same results. She says
"I'll walk." And she does.The following evening same scenario except the young man drives five
miles from town and it is raining. She doesn't even hesitate. She removes her clothing, his
clothing, and proceeds to give him the wildest night of sex he could wish for. Later he asks her
why she refused him the last two nights when obviously she was not new to the sex game. She
answered. "I kind of like you. I was willing to walk one mile. I was willing to walk three miles.
But I'll be damned if I'll walk five miles in the rain to keep you from catching gonorrhea."
constipated
the next level
president Trump says
air freshener
in April
in that case
walk down the aisl
the guy next to me
on the first of January
masturbating
are you looking
telling me not to
both were too small
back in my day
wanna go clubbing tonight
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