THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than
the memory of some temptation we resisted.
James Branch Cabell
__________________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
This truly is a remarkable season for us Michiganders.
AFTER the holiday season, and there is still no snow on
the ground. Well, at least for us here in beautiful West Michigan.
Fortunately for the postman clan, we live "out of reach" from the nasty
lake affect weather. That's about an hour or so east of Lk Michigan.
The winter storms usually roar in off the lake dumping tons of white stuff,
They usually manage to peter out by the time they get here. A good thing. But, even
so, the weather has been rather warm also. I was standing out side with Turk the dog
aka Carlos the rat the other day, and in shirt sleeves. Sun shining. it was gorgeous.
Well. now I am talking about the nice weather, I've probably jynxed it up and
we, I am sure, will get a ton dumped on us. No matter.There is no rushing
need for me to go anywhere soon, not much of anything to for me to worry about anything,
the War department has enough food stock piled in this house to last
for at least a nucular holocaust before we start to starve to death.
and, given my waistline, that is gonna take some time.
TRUST ME...s' truth!!!!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
The Comics
Burglars
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y046.html
the buffet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y047.html
enough money
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y048.html
alternative fuel
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y049.html
for 20 bucks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y050.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
a ringtone
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1425.html
a blond wrestler
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1424.html
T'was the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
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The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"
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So, away went the last of the sour cream dip.
Got rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.
________________
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks
To her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
Almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit
And lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table
Heard the pouf.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's
Father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the
woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came
Across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
Again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
Longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few
Minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even
Think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a Fog Horn blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy,
Get away from her before she shits on you!"
_______________
The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed,
good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand
dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as
she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man,
'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?' she asked.
The man replied, ' Ontario '.
'Really?', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney.
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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