Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
How does a sailor deal with the lack of a laundromat or a maid?
The Navy promised to do your laundry for you but you could seldom wait
for a
week to get your work clothes back so we all did like people did years
before
washer machines and scrubbed our clothes out down in the engineering
spaces
where we worked and then hung them up in the 120 degree areas of the
space where a vent would blow on them and your clothes were dry in less
than
an
hour. We always had water even if it was short on the ship because we
made
it
down there and we even built washers out of 55 gallon drums that used
steam
and air to agitate the clothes but we were always looking for soap and
bleach.
. Since laundry products were hard to come by at sea we improvised.
Soaps
were easy to find but bleach was a little harder. All of our fresh water
was
batch chlorinated using calcium hypochlorite , HTH, at 70%. This is the
same
stuff that many use in their swimming pools and it is strong stuff. One
8 oz
bottle was usually enough for a 10,000 gallon water tank. It has to be
handled carefully because being a strong oxidizer it releases lots of
heat
and oxygen when it comes in contact with flammables.
One coworker who had the size and mentality of a gorilla failed to heed
the warnings of only using a half capful in a barrel of water. It was
pretty
funny watching him pull his underwear and towels from the barrel. The
material was more like Swiss cheese than anything recognizable. Still
can
see him standing there a t-shirt in one hand scratching his head.
Others failed to heed the warnings on the jar about flammability. One
decided to premix some in a left-over liquid detergent can . there must
have
been a film of it inside the can because the can spit flames three feet
out
of the spout and scared the heck out of the fireman.
I found the stuff really useful though when a red white and blue t-shirt
accidentally found its way into my load of whites. Pink underwear is
extremely unbecoming of a buffalo and reason for many rude comments . A
quick rewash with our homemade bleach saved me from dishonor though.
Enjoy the chips buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home
from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a
long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they
had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?"
asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't
get to sleep. What can I do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently
replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
no dumping
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y051.html
new laws
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y052.html
our daughter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y053.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day goes to the optometrist. The Doctor tells her, "You've got to stop
masturbating!"
"Why Doc," she asked, "am I going blind?"
"No," the Doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the other patients in
the waiting room!"
I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout
line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me, firmly embracing a
beautiful brunette, and they were sharing a rather passionate French
kiss.
As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked the
blonde, "Paper or plastic?"
"It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."
Jill the call-girl was busily appointing hours to the regulars at her
favorite dive.
"John, you can come at seven-ish. Hey Joe, you can come over at aruond
eight-ish, and you, Jim, I've got you in at around nine-ish."
Then she looked around the crowded, seedy bar, and cooed, "Ten-ish,
anyone?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exam Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher left her aide in the classroom to distribute the examination
materials to the graduating class of the all-male private school. Her
final instructions were "Be sure to *hand* everything out very carefully
and deliberately." The aide puzzled over this for a moment but couldn't
understand it.
He began giving out the papers, but due to his inexperience found
himself only a quarter done with just a few minutes left until the exam
was due to start. Desperate, he gathered up the rest of the sheets and
began to throw them across the room, yelling "Catch!" to each student as
he did so.
At first it was kind of a playful game, but soon he noticed that even
the students not involved in the sport were beginning to breath heavier.
As the panting turned into grunting, he began to be a little nervous and
backed toward the door, staring from side to side as the behavior became
more and more -- the only word he could think of -- primitive.
As he reached the bottom of the pile of papers and pitched it to the
last student, the room erupted with howling and growling. He was certain
he could see the students physically transforming before his eyes. With
a shout of fright he turned and ran as quickly as he could to the
teachers' lounge.
The teacher took one look at him and leapt to her feet. Startled, he put
a hand to his face and, with a shock, felt a heavy growth of beard that
certainly hadn't been there that morning.
Without a word, the teacher rushed from the room, grabbing her aide's
wrist on the way by. Frantically, they sprinted back to the classroom.
As they rounded the corner, they saw that they were too late. The door
had been torn from its hinges and they glimpsed the hairy back of the
missing-link-like creature that, until mere minutes before, had been a
student with at least a veneer of civilization.
They entered the classroom side by side and stopped dead, as though
choreographed. The destruction was complete: desks smashed into
fragments, blackboards cracked, shredded sheets of the exam everywhere.
She said nothing, but the teacher's eyes were full of reproach.
"But why did it happen?" asked the bewildered assistant.
"You fool, Don't you know what happens to men when they get too much
test tossed around?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes inside the confessional and says:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What did you do, my son?"
"Yesterday I was walking along the beach at night,
and I decided to explore a cave near the shore. When
I turned on my flashlight, I saw two men having sex."
"Oh, so you were the asshole with the flashlight?
During a sudden and prolonged cold spell in Grand Forks,
North Dakota this past winter, a really stacked blonde
stopped in to see her former Chemistry Professor. "Professor,
I wonder if you could tell me... er... well... that is... I mean the
exact temperature at which silicone freezes ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psych Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test to his
patient. The doctor showed the first blot and asked what it resembled.
"That's two poodles having sex," replied the patient.
To the second inkblot, the patient said, "That's a naked gal leaning out
a window, telling all the men who go by to come in and have sex with
her."
The doctor showed him the third inkblot. "That's a pair of crotchless
underpants," the patient said.
Unable to withstand this any longer, the doctor blurted out, "You have a
filthy, disgusting mind!"
"Look who's talking!" the patient cried. "You're the one with all the
dirty pictures."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/R&R 2
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Mu/50/M_2.html
BROTHER BOB'S POEMS OF THE WEEK
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/
Ken w/ A Family Reunion
http://www.gospelman.net/kenssongs/thefamilyreunion.html
Advice For The New Year!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyear.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Recycled Futuristic Art Objects Gallery
http://www.alexandromeda.com/
How Products Are Made
http://www.madehow.com:80/
Easy Does It Home Recipes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html
Chevy: American Pride!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Create printable flyers online
http://www.band-flyers.com/
Watch Horror Movies Online For Free
http://www.fearnet.com/
Conversion Program
http://www.joshmadison.com/software/convert/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.barryswiss.ch/engl/
Kitty Korner
http://www.bandocats.org/
Doggie Zone
http://www.bone-a-fido.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their
mothers' clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They
passed a bar and one of the girls said, "let's go in for a drink."
They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender
laughed and thought he would have some fun. He spoke to the first
little girl and said, "What will you have young lady?" The girl
replied, "I'll have a Martini." The bartender could not give them
any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an
olive in it and put it in front of her. He said to the second girl,
"What will you have today?" She replied, "A Manhattan." The
bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger- Ale, put in a
cherry in it, and set it in front of her. Next he asked the third
little girl, "What will you have today?" After a long pause she
replied, "I'll have a douche. Mother says they're so refreshing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been,
If his father has seen
That the tip of his condom was torn.
_____________________________________
There was a young lady of Bicester,
She was nicer by far than her sister;
The sister would giggle,
And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.
_____________________________________
There was a young dancer, Priscillla,
Who flavored her cunt with vanilla.
The taste was so fine,
Men and beasts stood in line,
Including a stud armadilla.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions for Snow White and the 7 Dwarves
1. If Doc is a doctor, why couldn't
he cure Sneezy?
2. Doc, a doctor or not, why didn't
Sneezy go buy some Allerest?
3. Should we call Happy, "You're OK"
and Grumpy, "You're not OK"?
4. If the dwarfs were diamond miners,
why did they live in a shack?
5. Could the Dwarfs beat the Keebler
Elves in a basketball game?
6. Why did the Dwarfs wear condoms
on their heads?
7. If Doc is a doctor, why couldn't he
cure Sleepy's narcolepsy?
8. What if one of the Dwarfs was really
a bewitched prince who awakened
Snow White.
9. What was he doing kissing the sleeping
Snow White?
(not that there is anything wrong with that.)
10. Would the kiss have changed the prince/
dwarf into a frog?
11. Would a lawsuit be filed accusing said
prince/dwarf/frog of sexual harassment?
12. Should there be a Starrgate investigation
of the prince/dwarf/frog's sexual behavior?
13. Were The Brothers Grimm and Disney
guilty of obstruction of justice?
Please send your solutions to the nearest
convening authority!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2136
The House Tree
Sandi tore off for home leaving Val and Rudy to pull the wagon home.
BJ: She has a plan that is for certain.
Diana: We will find out soon enough.
Later upon entering their home, they find a huge decorated tree in the
middle of the
living room.
BJ: The tree is beautiful Sandi. Where did you get it?
Katie: I know exactly where she got it.
Sandi: Now be quiet Katie.
Katie: Mumble mumble.
Val: Hey isn't that the Christmas tree from your dog house Katie?
Katie under her breath: I was going to bring it here anyway.
Rudy slaps Katie on the back nearly sending her across the room: Good
girl!
Diana: How about some eggnog everyone?
BJ: Merry Christmas!
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment