Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Traditional Tree Story
Living in San Diego one of the most expensive articles at Christmas
time was the tree. Paying 65.00 for a Blue Spruce that back here in
Michigan sold for 20 dollars or even better grew in the field behind
the house was quite a shock. I never could fathom buying an
artificial tree back then and a Douglas Fir was the same as our
Balsams and just didn't seem full enough. A tree lot out there was a
complete operation. You bought your tree and for an extra cost they
would install a stand or a stand with a plastic pan and if you
wanted spray your tree with various frostings in many colors. Green
is just fine for my tree but I usually got the stand and pan
installed. One year I selected the tree with the help of the wife
and daughter who wouldn't take the first tree I pointed out until
they looked at every tree on the lot and then would come back and
grab the tree I had picked. I brought the tree to the checkout and
asked for the pan and stand to be installed. Step one they cut into
fresh trunk to let the tree drink easier and the guy grabs an
electric chain saw. Tearing into the tree there is a lot of movement
but no chips flying ,. After a minute he stops , chooses another
spot on the trunk and starts sawing again , still no chips. He stops
the saw and looks at the chain and says" George, you put the chain
on backwards again". In about thirty seconds with another saw the
trunk was severed , then a stand was nailed on and I was out of
there , my wallet about 75.00 lighter. Well that's my best Christmas
tree story , hope you enjoy the chips and, oh no " George all the
chips are backwards". I never should have hired him heh heh.
buffalo
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Short Chips
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Two pals from the army meet in the street:
-HI! We haven't seen each other so long, what's up?
-I got married, you know.
-That's great, we've got to celebrate that somehow. Come to my place
tonight so we'll have a small orgy.
-Well, how many people are gonna be there?
-If you come with your wife - three.
-HI! We haven't seen each other a long time, what's up?
-I got married.
-So? How is it? Better?
-Better? - I don't think so, but more often - for sure.
Two lovers play seek & hide.
-If you find me, I'm yours...
-What if I don't find you?
-I'm in the closet.
Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the
big
toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little
penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little
Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room
clutching his genitals and howling.
He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles,
"K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."
Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's shit with
me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Navy Chips
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Jim was just out of Navy boot camp, and was on his first
ship. About two hours out of port, he began to get a bit
ill from the motion of the ship. He approached an ensign,
also just out of training and on his first cruise. He
saluted and said, "Excuse me sir, I am feeling seasick,
and I wondered if I may have permission to go downstairs
to the dispensary."
The ensign returned his salute and replied, "Sailor, you
are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below!
There is no dispensary on this ship, there is sickbay. Not
only that, that is not the floor, it is a deck, that is not
the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a pillar, it is
a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a scuttle-
butt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of
Naval jargon, I till throw you out of that little round
window over there."
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Hangover Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you don't know what a hangover is:
A hangover is when you open your eyes in the
morning and you wish you hadn't."
A good cure for a hangover is to drink black coffee
the night before instead of the morning after.
The best days not to drink are days that end in the letter, "Y".
But just in case you find yourself with a whopper of a
hangover try one of the followig cures....they're all guaranteed to
work.
YOODOO VOODOO CURE
Those spun out Haitan voodoo people recommend
sticking thirteen black pins in the cork of the offending bottle. Worth
a try. Harder with twist tops.
SPIN OUT CURE
When you go to bed at night after a long night of drinking
and you have the spins there is a cure...put one foot on
the ground and keep one in bed.
WILD WEST HARE DOO CURE
Apparently, in the Wild Wild West, whisky-swilling
cowboys swore by a stiff cup of rabbit-poo tea.
As if that morning breath wasn't bad enough already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Male or Female
Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you male or female?"
1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are: a. one
b. almost a dozen
2. When parking your car in a public garage you:
a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant
b. hand your keys over politely
3. You haven't shaved in 4 days. The resulting
stubble can be construed as:
a. sexy
b. gross
4. At the doctor's, a common request would be:
a. "Cough."
b. "Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?"
5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:
a. one cup
b. two cups
6. When you're feeling insecure, what you say to your
best friend is:
a. nothing
b. "Do I look fat?"
7. You've slept with several hundred people, one term
used to describe you would be:
a. sports legend
b. tramp
8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate
your body is:
a. 35
b. 14
9. When you hear the words "hand wash," the first
thing that comes to your mind is:
a. your car
b. panty hose
10. It`s the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of
the ninth, score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs.
The man at bat has a .311 average against southpaws,
and the pitcher is a lefty. Your mate turns to you
and says, "Do you want a back rub?" You are:
a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question
b. daydreaming
11. Your idea of basic pump is:
a. an athletic shoe made by Nike
b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva
12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:
a. give
b. get
SCORING
a = 1 point b = 2 points
0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you
have a greater lean-muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of
the money, and a select few of your sex can look
forward to being president someday.
13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means
you will live longer, have your choice of wearing
either pants or a skirt in polite company and a select
few of your sex can look forward to being president
someday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Birth Control Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to see the local doctor and complained because his wife was
having too many little bastards; she was having at least one per year.
He
said, "Doc, ya gotta help me, I can't gets enough welfare or steal
enough to
feeds em all."
The doctor got down his medical reference book and looked up the
problem. He
told his patient the book said if a man's bitch was having too many
brats,
he should remove the man's right testicle. He then administered
anesthesia
with a beer bottle and took out his pocket knife and performed the
surgery.
Three years later the man was back at the doctor's office complaining
the
surgery had failed; she was still having at least one per year. The wise
doctor took his book back down and studied the problem.
The doctor said, "Well, the book says if your wife is having too many
brats
to remove your right testicle, we've done that. If she still has too
many
brats, then we should remove the left testicle." Once again he got his
beer
bottle and his pocket knife and performed surgery.
Three years later, the same man was back complaining the surgery had
once
again failed. The doctor was quite perplexed and got his book back down.
After several minutes of study he told his patient, "It says here if a
man's
wife is having too many brats to remove his right testicle. If she
continues
to have too many brats, remove his left testicle. We've done all that.
The
next page says if the man's wife still has too many brats after you have
removed both testicles, you've done castrated the wrong man!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/ChristmasYou.htm
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Typewriter Art 2
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Christmas Webcams
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Christmas Graphics
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Movie Links
Strip Poker
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Sumsing Turbo 3000
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Sure Lock
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Swan Song
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Talent
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Helicopter
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Hilarious Prank
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Hombres
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Hot Dog
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How To Blow Away A Deer
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GAY HOLIDAY COMING OUT SONG
Some gay holiday music to get you in the spirit of the
season -- To the Tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
. . . . . . . .
Santa Claus is Wearing a Gown
You better come out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why...
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
He's making the switch,
He's leaving his wife,
He's gonna come out,
to start a new life...
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
A secret he's been keeping,
It's made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now,
When he comes down off that fence.
So you better come out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why...
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Saucer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31801.htm
Co-op
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Leprechauns
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Not Yourself
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Chess
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31805.htm
PMS Meaning
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31806.htm
Vampire Community
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31807.htm
One Way To Look At Things
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31808.htm
Dead Wood
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31809.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holiday Limericks from Celebrities
Charlie Sheen:
It's the holiday season, I know,
So after doing a few lines of "snow,"
I'll be sufficiently high
To head downtown and buy
My 3 favorite gifts: Ho, ho, ho.
Dennis Miller:
Since my rhetoric often belittles,
This Christmas I offer acquittals.
I will pay more attention,
And eschew condescension
Of what others' opinions... hey, Skittles!
Monica Lewinsky:
For Christmas, I wanted to go
Back to my old job -- but you know,
As an intern, I'm spent,
'Cause this new president
Has a new definition of "blow."
Stephen King:
Here in Maine, the long winters serene,
Turn to white everything that was green.
But a Christmastime fest
Just makes me depressed.
How much longer till it's Halloween???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot
sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and
discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the
Seahawk's fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The
'Niners' fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Following their lead, the Raider's fan took off his cap and placed it
over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he
conducted his inspection.
First, he lifted up the Seahawk's cap, replaced it and wrote down some
notes. Next, he lifted the 'Niners' cap, replaced it and wrote down some
more notes. The officer then lifted the Raider's cap, replaced it, then
lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it
one last time. The Raider's fan was getting upset and finally asked,
"What are you, a pervert or something?" "Why do you keep lifting and
looking, lifting and looking? "Well," said the officer. "I am simply
surprised; normally when I look under a Raider's hat, I find an
asshole...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viewsonic 10" LCD Photo Frame
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2025
Nature Park
While taking a drive in the country, Diana noticed
a sign stating "Nature park"..
Diana: Turn here. Let's see what this nature park, wildlife
preserve is about.
Rudy: A-roo!
A few miles later...
BJ: Okay, everyone out of the van. I see some hiking trails.
Let's stay close..
Zoom!
Diana: Then there's Katie.
BJ: And Val..
Sandi: Sure is pretty here. The leaves are drifting down like snow.
Diana: You better catch up Rudy.
Rudy: I am trying but there are so many trees...
BJ: Here is a sign on the pathway. "Enjoy your hike. Remember not
To litter and no pets."
Diana: Opps! We probably need to gather everyone and scat.
BJ: I am reading on.. "This is a bird refuge so enjoy the wildlife
and do not disturb the birds or wildlife."
Rudy: Here comes Katie and Val.
BJ: Good we need to head back to the van.
BJ: Are those feathers in your mouth Katie?
Katie spitting: Feathers? It is a bit windy out here, maybe they
blew in my mouth.
Diana: Ack, we need to leave now.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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