Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Here are some famous birthdays from this month:
December
1. Woody Allen, Bette Midler, Lee Trevino
2. Britney Spears, Tracy Austin, Monica Seles
3. Katarina Witt, Jean-Luc Goddard, Ozzy Osbourne
4. Jeff Bridges, Larry Katz, Barbara Jaretsky
5. Walt Disney, Little Richard
6. Steven Wright, Dwight Stones
7. Johnnie Bench, Larry Bird, Gregg Allman
8. Kim Bassinger, Teri Hatcher, Jim Morrison
9. Dick Butkus, Kirk Douglas, Donnie Osmond
10. Emily Dickinson, Susan Dey
11. Donna Mills, Fiorella La Guardia, Teri Garr
12. Frank Sinatra, Bob Barker
13. Dick Van Dyke, Christopher Plummer
14. Michael Ovitz, Nostradamus
15. Don Johnson, Mo Vaughn
16. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Boyd ellis, Richard Pimentel
17. William Safire, Arthur Fiedler
18. Keith Richards, Christina Aguilera, Steven Spielberg
19. Reggie White, Daryl Hannah
20. Anita Baker, Kiefer Sutherland, Betty Greer
21. Chris Evert, Florence Griffith Joyner, Jane Fonda
22. Steve Carlton, Steve Garvey, Bill Armstrong
23. Susan Lucci
24. Ricky Martin, Howard Hughes, John DuBose
25. Ricky Henderson, Annie Lennox, Jesus Christ
26. Alan King, Steve Allen, Jamie Legge
27. Gerard Depardieu, Sydney Greenstreet, Louis Pasteur
28. Ray Bourque, Woodrow Wilson, Denzel Washington
29. Mary Tyler Moore, Ted Danson
30. Sandy Koufax, Tiger Woods, BJ Cassady
31. Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
buffalo says Eva lost her first tooth tonight and has been
scheduled for a visit by the tooth fairy. It had been loose for
several weeks with its replacement visible, but Eva didn't
want any help removing it, especially not from my collection
of pliers. I kind of thought the small needle nosed Vise-grips
would have been perfect for the job. Since she didn't want my help,
I just made sure she had a supply of apples available and one finally
came out with a tooth in it.
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Deer Chips
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Three less than intelligent men, Walt, Elmer and Stan, went hunting
in a remote forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he
tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran
quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was
covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We got to get
Elmer to the hospital quick or he's gonna die."
"How are we gonna carry him?" Stan asked. "Why he weighs a good two
hundred fifty pounds."
"Hell Stan! That ain't nothing," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out
bigger than that, all the time. We can do it the same way."
Walt was right. In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the
emergency room door and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer
inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried
friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it."
Walt said, "Yeah, I thought that gunshot hit him in the heart."
"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went above the heart and
through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he
might have been able to survive that."
"Damn it Stan, I told you we shouldn't have tied him to the hood.
All them tree branches smacking into him for the first five miles
probably beat him to death!"
"No," said the doctor. "His clothes were ripped to shreds and his
body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to
survive that, too."
"See, Walt! I kept telling you to hold your end up higher 'cause
that sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it,
his head kept hitting the rocks and logs. And I'm sure he drowned
when we crossed that crick."
"Damn it Stan! You was the one that dropped your end of the pole
when you fell off that rock. Poor old Elmer must have been under
water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole
and falling all over yourself."
"Now fellas," said the doctor. "Elmer's skull was cracked and he did
have massive head injuries. But he didn't drown and he might have
been able to survive that, too."
Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions and then
asked the doctor, "Then what was it?"
The doctor thought for a few moments and said, "My guess is that the
way you gutted him had a lot to do with it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
what did you first notice
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too stiff
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Murphy Chips
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Murphy's Rules of Sex
~ Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
~ Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
~ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
~ A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man,
the women he couldn't.
~ It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
~ Don't say no, say maybe, say any old thing say come back in the
spring but don't say no.
~ A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
~ Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
~ Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
~ Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
are unimportant
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Short Chips
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In the good old days, things were not so good. We had to walk to
school barefoot, ten miles each way, all up hill, in snow up to our
armpits. We had to get up before we went to bed, go to the barn and
milk three hundred head by hand before breakfast, which was a hand
full of beans. We were so poor we had dry beans for breakfast, a
glass of water for lunch, and then wait for it to swell up for
supper. We were so poor, if you didn't wake up with a hard on you
had nothin to play with all day.
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can
tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No
one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for
foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you
explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say,
'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Todd was arrested AGAIN and the detective was leafing through his
crime history folder.
"Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run,
disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault,
forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter..."
"Yeah, I know," said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out
what I was good at."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Army Chips
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The following is a father's advice to his son just moments before he
gets on the bus that will carry him off to join the Army:
"Son, you are getting ready to embark on a great adventure as many
of the men in our family have done since your
great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather did many
hundreds of years ago.
There will be many dangers ahead that you will encounter. Remember
your training and obey your commanders, this will keep you alive
during the arduous days of battle. Always stay with the plan, if
you deviate from it you will be in grave jeopardy.
When the time of battle is over, be wary as you go into the towns
and cities ahead because there are many hidden dangers lurking
there. There will be many temptations to lure you away from your
brothers in arms and this could put you in danger even if it seems
safe at the time. In every town there will be a street that will be
most treacherous of all there will be strong drink to dull your
senses, loud and crude songs to suppress your hearing, and wild
women of ill repute to enable your enemy to catch you off guard. My
advice to you as a former soldier is simple - What ever you do...
FIND THAT STREET."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of
lovemaking. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to
attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering
trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one-night stand.
But he couldn't help but to think that he had met her before. "I can't
help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know," sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I
think they call this 'de ja screw.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man
phoned, waking me up. "I'm sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I
think my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his wife's inflamed
appendix out a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second
appendix?" I asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix," he replied, "but surely
you've heard of a second wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leeds wants to join The Big Dick Club. He goes down to the local
chapter, walks in, and says to the receptionist, "I want to join."
She asks him, "How long is your manhood?"
Leeds replies, "Eighteen inches."
The receptionist goes into such a hysterical laughing fit that Leeds
turns around and runs out, totally embarrassed.
On his way out, he runs into a guy sweeping. Leeds says, "I can't
believe it! I just told the receptionist I've got eighteen inches and
she laughed in my face."
The sweeper confides, "Listen, pal, there's a lot of competition here.
You see that lump in my sock? That's my dick, and I'm just the
janitor."
Tom R
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Forever Friends
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Judy w/ Rescued A Human Today
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Poems Of The Week
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/
Thank You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/thankyou.htm
Until We Write Again
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Lenticular Clouds Or UFO?
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Humor In Religion 2
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PC Power Supply Calculator
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Control-Alt-F4 < Windows >
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Twinkie Leaves
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Drunk trust
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How to drive a hummer in Iraq
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How to peel a banana
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How to think like a woman
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How to wash your cat
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Movie
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Mozart
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Neumaticob
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Nextel Dance Party
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No Fear
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Men Chips
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What's the difference between a man and a condom?
Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive.
What do UFOs and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but you never see any for yourself.
Why is sex like a game of cards?
Because if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
What's the difference between a man and a bottle of whisky? Whisky
improves with age.
Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it is unused.
What do you call a man who has suddenly lost 98 percent of his brain?
Divorced.
What are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring and the majority.
What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
The Xbuffoon made me promise that I wouldn't say that that actually
happened to him, so I won't tell you.
What is a man?
A life-support machine for a penis.
What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.
I wanna be first to kiss the bride, no me, no me........
What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
Slow down.
Why do men find it hard to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Toon Chips
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Close To Home
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College
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Pooch
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day as I fished on the sea
A mermaid came visiting me
Though just right on top
T'other end was a flop
With no parts to show she was a she.
There once was a man named Chang,
Who had an incredible wang.
He was tallented too.
For all night he could screw.
And the girls his praises all sang.
She wasn't too bold, not too willing
And she did stare a lot at the ceiling...
But once with this rogue
She put down her vogue
And said, "That was mod'rately thrilling."
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Parting Chips
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An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks 'What
is wrong??'
The boy says 'Me ma is dead'.
'Oh bejaysus' the man says 'Do you want me to call Father ORiley for
you?' The boy replies 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my
mind at the moment.'
Randy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2021
Circle B
Rudy: What else did you like during your trip pops?
BJ: We both were impressed with the Circle B Supper Club.
Katie: Tell us about it please.
Diana: Okay.it goes like this.
The Circle B Supper Club
Most places in Branson profess themselves to be Christian in nature
but only one place actually demonstrated it. The Circle B Supper Club
and Variety Show (dedicated to the memory of cowboys) was such.
Think back, when was the last time someone said a blessing over a meal
that was not in a church a family function? In this club the manager
said the blessing and even used Jesus and God in the blessing of the
food.
Other supper clubs we went to served you a plate and moved on. This
place would serve you food until you were full, seconds, thirds unheard
of in this day and age. When the show was over everyone received a free
photo of the act and the entertainers signed autographs for free. It
was
nice in this town where the hand is always out for money to witness a
hand that is out for friendship.
Sandi: Aw!
The herd
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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