Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I get my car insurance through Liberty Mutual which the Credit
Union switched to about 20 years ago. I pay about 540 a year
for PL/PD on the Suburban which is normal for Michigan as the
state collects over a 100 dollars a year per vehicle for
catastrophic coverage. It used to be much less but they decided
they had a surplus so they gave everyone a rebate about 20
years ago and then turned around a year later and jacked the rates
up. I am more than happy with the company and their programs
and under Accident Forgiveness they didn't raise my rates when
Buffy backed into someone at work during a snowstorm.
A couple of weeks ago while trapped in my bed, I filled out a quote
request for insurance rates. I have no desire to change insurers
but with everyone claiming to be 300 to 400 dollars cheaper, I had
vision of changing insurance twice and getting a 200 dollar rebate
each year but you can guess how that went.
The first call I got was from Allstate. I enjoy their Mayhem ads but
never really understood why they say that if you bought from a
15 minute company than you might not be covered. The salesperson
ran down their coverage's and you are in good hands. Their coverages
are larger than my insurance and like 4 times the state minimum.
For that privilege though you pay 400 dollars a year more than what I
am paying right now.
The next company that called was State Farm and their latest ad
with the guy whose car is sitting in a concrete wall is hilarious but
their initial coverage was lower than mine and some things like
uninsured motorist had to be added and the basics were about 620
a year or 80 dollars more a year for less.
Last call was from Farmers which does come up with some interesting
scenarios in their ads all while training their agents. They were about
a hundred more a year but had about the same coverage
I would have liked to hear from Progressive and GEICO but I guess
Flo and the Gecko were too busy that day.
My insurance company doesn't do comedy ads opting instead for
the feel good doing the right things ads. I would like to think that
they are not cheaper but that being a customer for 20 years has
earned me a better rate.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a sex test for old people.
The object is to see how fast can you guess the words.
Hey, who said old people don't think about sex!!!
How fast can you guess these words?
1. B o o _ s
2. _ _ n d o m
3. F _ _ k
4. P _ n _ s
5. P u _ s _
Answers Below, Don't cheat
Answers:
1. Books
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
he never made it
http://thepostmanscorner.net/w026.html
a room mate
http://thepostmanscorner.net/w027.html
hurry it up Reverand
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
News Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walter, the hypocondriac,checked himself into the hospital for his
weekly physical and diagnostic examination. After a battery of
fluid tests, an alphabet of electronic scans, and several probings
and proddings, Walter was resting in his room.
The doctor came in, and said to Walter, " I have good news and bad
news, Walter. Which do you want to hear first?"
"I knew it. Give it to me straight. I can take it. I am dying, I
know it. that's the bad news, right?"
"yes, Walter, you are dying. You have a very rare, but always
fatal, illness. It has no cure or even a treatment option. The
pain will be excrutiating, there is no pain medication that will
work, and in a week or so of terrible suffering you will be gone."
"Huh??" was all Walter could say.
"I am sorry Walter, but there really is nothing we can do for you."
"Wait a minute, Doctor, didn't you say that you had good news as
well?"
"Oh right, I forgot -- I will be screwing your nurse tonight!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Midget Chips
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The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The
doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the
examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger
under his left giggleberry and told the Midget to turn his head and
cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Aha!" mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right
man-
meatball, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical
scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on
the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with
amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the
midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles
still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and
discovered his boys were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What
did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy
boots."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Church Chips
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How to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses:
1.Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (immediate results)
2.Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see
how long their spirit of charity lasts.
3.Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by
that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can
have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to
get flustered and leave.
4.Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the
"Alpha & Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly.
You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid
of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.
5.Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) ...
and don't come back.
6.Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls.
(booky, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if
they are STILL there, a tearfull confession to the police for
the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)
7.Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus,
heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If
they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very
even tones, and giggle again.
8.Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9.(males only) Feign an intense interest in their speil.
Part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosery, a dress,
the whole works. (make encouraging noises [uh huh, I see...]
throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7)
If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they
would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.
10.Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinders Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poor little Cinders is in the kitchen crying when in walks her fairy
godmother who asks her what the problem is, Cinders replies "The
ugly
sisters laughed at me because my clothes are poor and scruffy and
they said
I can't go to the ball"
The fairy godmother assures her that she can help and waving her
magic wand
turns Cinderella's rags into a magnificent ball gown complete with
gold
sequins and elegant glass slippers. Cinderella continues to cry and
says "
I cant go to the ball because it is a long way to go and I don't
know
how I
am ever going to get there"
The fairy godmother looks around the kitchen for inspiration and
sees
a
basket full of vegetables, selecting a pumpkin and four carrots she
waves
her magic wand and they are transformed into a wonderful gold
carriage with
four prancing horses - as a finishing touch she picks up a cabbage
and a
leek and magically they become a coachman, who climbs up and takes
the
reigns and a footman who opens the carriage door and indicates that
Cinders
should step inside. Seeing Cinders is still crying the fairy
godmother asks
her in desperation what ever else is wrong and Cinders replies "It
is
the
time of the month when I have my period and the ugly sisters have
taken all
the sanitary towels so I still can't go to the ball"
Looking into the almost empty vegetable basket the fairy godmother
takes out
an enormous turnip and with a flick of her wand turns it into a
tampax
tampon which she hands to Cinders saying " There you go my dear, but
whatever you do, for fucks sake get back by midnight"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Christmas Music for You!
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I Pledge My Love
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Revo Uninstaller
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Keyboard Cleaning In A Dishwasher
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Movie Links
Hot Sex
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How I crashed my Harley
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8299.htm
How I Will Feel If Hillary Is Elected
http://www.buffaloschips.com/82910.htm
How to get rid of a one night stand
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How to carry plywood
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Love Bird
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Love Hurts
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Megan True Love
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Men Invented Everything
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Mouse
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scrooge Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are You A Scrooge?
If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin,
vodka and bourbon - you just might be a Scrooge
If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers
away - you just might be a Scrooge
If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells
gas - you just might be a Scrooge
If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson
-
you just might be a Scrooge
If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night - you just
might be a Scrooge
If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese
log - you just might be a Scrooge
If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie - you just
might be a Scrooge
If your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin - you just
might
be a Scrooge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Boss
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Bad Milk
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Cards
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Stripper Strike
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280508.htm
Billy's Plan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2280509.htm
Coke Job
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2280510.htm
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about young Henry Lockett,
Who went for a ride in a rocket?
The force of the blast
Blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.
______________________________
Felix the most evil cat,
Cared not a jot where he shat,
In slippers or shoes,
He don't care where he poos,
And he laughs when he hears your feet splat.....
______________________________
A young exhibitionist Kay,
Having tossing all her panties away,
Has invited us lads
(Via newspaper ads)
To a pubic performance today.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Reasons Hockey Is Better Than Sex
1. It's legal to play hockey professionally.
2. The puck is always theirs.
3. The protective equipment is reusable, and you don't even have to wash
it.
4. It lasts a full hour.
5. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
6. Your parents cheer when you score.
7. A two on one or three on one is not uncommon.
8. Periods last only 20 minutes.
9. You can count on hockey twice a week.
10. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2022
The Showboat
Rudy: What else did you do on your vacation?
BJ: We went through a large Titanic museum.
Katie: That sounds redundant, was it large or titanic?
Diana: The museum was about a ship called the Titanic.
Katie: Oh.
BJ: Then we went to a wax museum.
Val: Wax?
Diana: They have replicas of famous people done up in
wax.
Sandi: Why?
BJ: Good question, I guess so people can see what they look like.
Sandi: But don't people know what they look like anyway?
BJ: Yes.
Sandi: This doesn't make any sense to me.
Rudy: Bipeds! They buy tickets to look at something they know
already what it looks like.
Diana: It does seem kind of silly.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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