Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For those of you who are always looking for a reason
to celebrate, December is your month. A person could
develop a hangover that will last to President's Day
in February .
Dec. 01. Apple Day
Dec. 01. Day Without) Art
Dec. 01. Pie Day
Dec. 01. World AIDS Day
Dec. 01. National Day in Central African Republic
Dec. 01. Independence Day in Portugal
Dec. 01. National Day in Romania
Dec. 02. Abolition of Slavery Day
Dec. 02. National Day in Laos
Dec. 02. National Holiday in United Arab Emirates
Dec. 03. Disabled Persons Awareness Day
Dec. 04. Cookie Day
Dec. 04. Santa's List Day
Dec. 05. Play Hooky Day
Dec. 05. Bathtub Fun Day
Dec. 05. Discovery Day in Haiti
Dec. 05. National Day in Thailand
Dec. 06. Pawnbrokers Day
Dec. 06. Saint Nicholas Day
Dec. 06. Independence of Quito Day in Ecuador
Dec. 06. Independence Day in Finland
Dec. 06. Constitution Day in Spain
Dec. 07. Civil Aviation Day
Dec. 07. Cotton Candy Day
Dec. 07. Letter-Writing Day
Dec. 07. Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
Dec. 07. Teacher Appreciation Day
Dec. 08. Brownie Day
Dec. 08. Lady of Camarin Day in Guam
Dec. 08. Feast of the Immaculate Conception in Nicaragua
Dec. 08. Constitution Day in Uzbekistan
Dec. 09. Homemade Gift Day
Dec. 09. Independence Day in Tanzania
Dec. 10. Thai Constitution Day in Thailand
Dec. 11. National Day in Burkina Faso
Dec. 12. Poinsettia Day
Dec. 12. Independence Day in Kenya
Dec. 12. Guadalupe Day in Mexico
Dec. 12. Constitution Day in Russia
Dec. 12. Neutrality Day in Turkmenistan
Dec. 13. Cocoa Day
Dec. 13. Shareware Day
Dec. 13. Republic Day in Malta
Dec. 13. Santa Lucia Day in Sweden
Dec. 14. Email Tag Day
Dec. 15. Bill of Rights Day
Dec. 15. Kingdom Day in Curacao
Dec. 15. Navidades in Puerto Rico
Dec. 16. Stupid Toy Day
Dec. 16. Independence Day in Bahrain
Dec. 16. Victory Day in Bangladesh
Dec. 16. Posadas in Mexico
Dec. 16. Christmas Observance in Philippines
Dec. 16. Reconciliation Day in South Africa
Dec. 17. Wright Brothers Day
Dec. 18. Bake Cookies Day
Dec. 18. Wear A Plunger On Your Head Day
Dec. 18. Republic Day in Niger
Dec. 19. Oatmeal Muffin Day
Dec. 19. Underdog Day
Dec. 20. Go Caroling Day
Dec. 21. Don't Be A Scrooge Day
Dec. 21. Flashlight Day
Dec. 21. Forefathers' Day
Dec. 21. Winter Solstice
Dec. 21. World Peace Day
Dec. 21. Yalda
Dec. 22. Yule
Dec. 23. Emperor's Birthday in Japan
Dec. 24. Christmas Eve
Dec. 24. Last-Minute Shopper's Day
Dec. 24. Independence Day in Libya
Dec. 25. Christmas
Dec. 25. Pumpkin Pie Day
Dec. 25. Birthday of Quaid-I-Azam in Pakistan
Dec. 25. Constitution Day in Taiwan
Dec. 26. Boxing Day
Dec. 26. Kwanzaa Begins
Dec. 26. Whiner's Day
Dec. 26. Junkanoo in Bahamas
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in Canada
Dec. 26. Day of the Wren in Ireland
Dec. 26. Independence Day in Slovenia
Dec. 26. Goodwill Day in South Africa
Dec. 26. Boxing Day in United Kingdom
Dec. 28. Card Playing Day
Dec. 28. Chocolate Day
Dec. 28. Holy Innocents Day (Childermas)
Dec. 28. Proclamation Day in Australia
Dec. 30. Rizal in Philippines
Dec. 31. Make Up Your Mind Day
Dec. 31. New Year's Eve
Dec. 31. New Year's Resolutions
Dec. 31. Samoan Fire Dance in Western Samoa
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
buffalo says even though I am still confined to quarters as
my knee heals, I do feel a lot better. I finally set up a small
work area next to the bed so I can type with more than one finger
and it only took me two days to do this issue. In addition to Sandy's
birthday on the 30th we also celebrated our 32nd anniversary over
Key lime cake and ice cream.
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Black Friday Chips
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Top Ten funny Black Friday jokes"*
10. Q: Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday?
A: They are thankful they survived Thanksgiving's feast.
9. Q: Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday"?
A: It matches the mood of all those unhappy shoppers.
8. Q: Who profits the most on Black Friday?
A: The one who was smart enough not to go shopping on that day.
7. Q: What animal flies faster than items off the rack on Black Friday?
A: Credit card payment vultures.
6. Q: Why do shoppers feel like cranberry juice on Black Friday?
A: They get bruised and battered bloody by other people until they get
squeezed at the cashier.
5. Q: Which family usually spends the most on Black Friday?
A: The one who earns the least.
4. Q: Why did Obama's family go shopping on Black Friday?
A: What better way is there to spread some of that Stimulus Money?!
3. Q: What's the similarity people feel with Black Friday and the
Thanksgiving turkey feast?
A: They know what it's like to be jammed into a small place like
stuffing!
2. Q: What do people eat o Black Friday?
A: Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday.
... and the #1 funny Black Friday joke is:
1. Q: What's the best part about Black Friday?
A: Resting on Saturday.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Little Johnny Chips
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One day Little Johnny went walking
around to check out his surroundings
and found a farmer selling chickens.
Little Johnny went over to the farmer
to see how much he was selling them for.
The farmer asked him if he wanted a
male or a female. Little Johnny asked
for both. So the farmer said, "Here you
go, one cock and one pullet."
Little Johnny got confused, and asked
him what he meant. The farmer said,
"A cock is a male chicken and a pullet
is a female chicken."
Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on
his way with two chickens one under
each arm. A bit further down the road
he saw a donkey for sale.
He went to the man who was selling it
to find out how much it was. The
man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."
Little Johnny replied, "No, I want
the donkey out side in your yard."
The man just said, "That's an ass."
Little Johnny, new to these terms,
just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.
As he was leaving the man yelled out,
"Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about
going over hills, so you have to scratch
him behind the ears to get him going
again."
So Little Johnny is going back home
and the donkey stops dead in its
tracks and he can't get it to move.
He can't scratch its ear because he
would have to drop one of the chickens
and it would run away.
So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell
at the donkey. While he is doing this a
beautiful woman walks up and asks him
if he needs help.
(Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try
to impress this beautiful woman by using
my new terms that I learned today.)
So Little Johnny turns to the woman and
says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and
pullet while I scratch my ass?"
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Dating Chips
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A young innocent girl is about to go on her 1st date and is given
some word of advise and warning by her mother; "Look darling, they
all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him;
1.) kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will
shrivel,
2.) or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can
shatter, and
3.) never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a
"GRILL"
and will burn everything coming to touch it."
The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits and
waits until just after midnight when she's back. "How was it?" asks
mom.
"Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!"
"Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?"
"Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely
careful not to hurt or harm me!" "What do you mean careful, did you
let him do something?" "Not exactly mom, see it was like that.
First he wanted to kiss me and I told him what you said, and he
stopped. Then he went to touch my breast and again I told him what
you said, and he stopped. Then he slowly went under my skirt close
to the private part, and I told him what you said, and he then took
his hands out and said; "What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice
piece of "Fillet" and would love to put it in your "Grill" to
cook!!" "WHAT?!?" screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no
different to the others. You hopefully stopped him there too,
didn't you?" "Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be
careful and was very careful not to "burn" his fillet. Every now
and then he took it out and had me "taste it" to see if it was
cooked or not."
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Coyote Chips
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The city boy goes to countryside to visit his uncle. After the sun
goes down, the boy hears strange, another-world howling. He gets
frightened and runs to his uncle. "Uncle, uncle, there are
werewolves!"
"That's rubbish, boy, ain't no such thing".
"'Then, there must be man-eating wolves".
"No, we haven't got those buddies, either."
"What is this sound, then?" the boy asks.
"They are coyotes".
"Coyotes? What are those?"
"They look a lot like dogs. In fact, ya can consider them a kind of
dog." The boy wants to find out more: "Why are they making that
frightening noise?"
"See, nephew, we ain't got many trees around here. We got cactuses!"
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Fucking Chips
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A friend of mine recently came home from a trek across Europe. He
started in Spain, made his way through France and Italy, and took a
jaunt through Austria on his way to Germany. He was traveling along
when he came upon a town in Austria called Fucking. Folks, this is a
real town. It was supposedly founded in the sixth century by a guy
named Fucko. My buddy saw the sign and just had to stop. He ate in a
diner, washed up and went on his merry way happy to have experienced
Fucking in Austria. About a half-hour after Fucking, he got a flat
tire. He went to change it but the spare was flat as well. While
waiting for a good Samaritan to come to his rescue, he noticed that
he no longer had his passport. He realized that he must have left it
on the table in the Fucking restaurant. Finally a motorist came by
and stopped. My friend explained his predicament, but the locals
were en-route to some ancient Celtic festival and could not lend a
hand. When they told him this, my friend began to plead. "Come on,
help me out. Let's get back to Fucking, then you can leave. It's
getting late and I don't want to be on the street outside Fucking
all alone." "Sorry," was their reply, "you'd better start walking."
"Well then, excuse me," my friend said a little pissed. "I have to
get back to Fucking myself."
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Short Chips
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A foreign diplomat was sitting beside a very beautiful blonde who
possessed all the social graces. During the course of the dinner,
he put his hand under the table and started to feel her ankle. She
gave him a brilliant smile. Encouraged, he went a little further
and reached the calf of her leg with the same results. The lady
smiled and he, becoming emboldened with this encouragement, went
above the knees. Very soon, giving the diplomat a lovely smile she
leaned and whispered in his ear: "When you get far enough to
discover that I'm a man, don't change the expression on your
face-I'm Secret Agent No.
13."
Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits. "I get such a
yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective
countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck
strongly." "That's all very well for you," huffed her friend. "But
I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"
A blonde and her girlfriend went to the beach for the day. As they
wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the girl-friend
began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty
walking. The girlfriend finally said, "Did you hurt your leg or
something? You're walking very strangely." The blonde replied, "I
have a big date tonight and I've got curlers in my hair."
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Limerick Chips
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"It's my code," says a mailman named Drew,
"To unzip, then deliver a screw.
If virgins, when nervous,
Resist postal service,
I explain that the male must get through."
______________________________________
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
______________________________________
Tim had gone all the way to Peru
In search of the ultimate screw.
When his trip was complete,
He zipped up his meat
And said to the ladies, ''Thank you!''
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Doctor, you've gotta help me... my wife Sharon just isn't
interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I
can give her?"
"Look, Charlie, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this
upset?
I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going
utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills.
"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, but the
tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give Sharon
more than ONE, understand?.... JUST one."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
Charlie expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where Sharon has
dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, Sharon goes to the kitchen
to bring dessert. Charlie, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from
his pocket and drops one into Sharon's coffee. He reflects for a
moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins
to worry.
The Doc did say they were powerful.
Then an inspiration strikes: Charlie drops one pill into his own
coffee.
Sharon returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and
coffee, our Charlie with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure
enough, a few minutes after they finish, Sharon shudders a little,
sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes.
In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice Charlie has
never heard Sharon use before, she says, "I... need... a
man..!!!."
Charlie eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies,....
"Me...
too..!!!."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2020
The Trip
BJ and Diana just returned from vacation and so the
doggies are all around them wanting to know what happened.
Katie: Where did you go?
Diana: We went to Branson, Missouri and to Eureka Springs
Arkansas.
Katie: Ack! That is where you guys took me a few years ago!
BJ: Yes, and you went running up and down the hills and did
not return when called.
Katie: It wasn't my fault, it was..
Diana: Well we visited Eureka Springs and had a spritual time
on the way there.
To Be Like Angels
I stopped at Berryville, Arkansas on the way to Eureka
Springs to grab a quick lunch and while there I noticed a lady
wearing a pink bouse and with little hair. I assumed she was
undergoing chemo treatment. She was talking loudly and
seemed in good spirits but to me it was a thin shield.
My wife and I had finished eating about the time she
had finished eating and for whatever reason I had this overwhelming
urge to give this stranger a hug. Perhaps it was because my
previous wife had passed on from cancer and I understood the
warrior in this lady and the battle being waged. I walked over
and gave her a strong hug and immediately she started to tear up.
She thanked me and turned to her friend and started to talk to
her friend... did you see that, a total stranger...just walked up to
me and hugged me, how sweet...and other kind things. My wife
and I were soon out of hearing range and the moment was gone.
This episode made me think, how many times can we take a moment
out of our life and just pass a small blessing on? Make someone else's
day a bit brighter. How many times have we been down and needed
a hug, a kind word? So start today.
Rudy: Sniff sniff, that is great dad.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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