Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Forty-Five years or so ago was my favorite Christmas Eves.
We burnt wood for heat in a big old pot-bellied stove and on
Christmas Eve we would load it up with small hardwood and
let it burn down to a bed of coals and we would have a picnic.
We roasted dozens of hot dogs, hamburgers, and marshmallows
and had big bowls of potato chips and Coke and 7-up. As we sat
and munched we watched Christmas shows on TV the same as
today except some like Snoopy's Christmas were brand new.
The commercials on TV were great especially the soda ones
with Coke doing songs like I'd like to teach the world to sing.
We only had black and white TV back then but your mind
saw things in colors anyhow.
We had 10-11 people living in that house and although things
were crowded we had few squabbles and especially around
the holidays everyone was on their best behavior and with
everyone full and in a good mood we went to bed around 2200
so everyone would be asleep by 0100 so mom and dad could
get up and start hauling out the secret caches of gifts and
hopefully get back to bed before kids started to wake up.
They did have it a little easier because Santa didn't wrap gifts
in our house but there was always plenty of family gifts to
open up. We weren't rich but we still managed to make
memories that lasted a lifetime. It is my wish that you make
some Christmas memories with your children tonight that will last
a lifetime too.
PS It is snowing outside and we will have a White Christmas.
buffalo
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Short Chips
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Three rich guys were telling each other what kind of antique auto they
were going to give their girl friends for Christmas. One guy said, "I'm
going to give my girl a Kaiser and surprise her." The next one said,
"I'm going to give my girl a Frazier and amaze her." The third guy said,
"I'm going to give mine a Tucker..."
~~
There once was a man from Boston.
The car he drove was an Austin.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out so he lost 'em.
~~
Dad took his little boy to Walmart. Of course, as you walk in the
machines with prizes in them are irresistible. Dad gives in as he wants
the boy to be occupied. The kid inserts 2 quarters. and gets the little
clear balls w/ toys inside. The kid removes the toy, puts the little
plastic covers in his back pockets and they continue on in to shop. Now
they are standing in line waiting to check out. The boy is by now bored
and fussy - becoming very irritable and dad's frustration is mounting.
Finally, dad breaks - he picks the kid up and sits him firmly down on
the counter...The boy immediately starts wailing and dad says "stop
that!". The son
replies between screams, " But dad, you busted my little balls! "
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
burgers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/smgndfklghnfd.htm
bush
http://www.buffaloschips.com/zkjgjdfg.htm
bush and bush lite
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mxghdfkgjdf.htm
bush condoms
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sirysirhse.htm
bush and turkey
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hkxdghkdfg.htm
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Bubba Chips
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For the Southeastern United States this year, Santa Claus has been
replaced by his redneck cousin, Bubba Claus. That means some changes...
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads: "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And
Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer.
4. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves reply, "I her'd dat!"
5. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh has a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back Off!"
6. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing
area. Instead, you will see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey
and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens
of State Patrol cars crashing into one another.
7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.
8. And finally, lovely Christmas songs such as "Rudolph the Red-nosed
Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" have been
replaced on all the AM radio stations in the South. The new tunes
will be such like Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus shot the Jukebox";
Cledus T. Judd's, "All I Want for Christmas is my Woman and a
Six-Pack", and Hank Williams Jr's "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You
Shove It."
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Carol Chips
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THE CHRISTMAS CAROL
By Julio Rodrigues
(I think this is funny as it is written by a hispanic but it has some
bad words and if you forward it, please remove my name as I don't want
to offend anyone. bw
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, ON FRIDAY I THEENK
I GO TO THE CANTINA TO GET ME A DRINK,
I DRINK SOME TEQUILA, I DRINK IT TOO FAST
PRETTY DAMN QUEEK, I FALL ON MY ASS.
I PEEK MYSELF UP, I GO HOME TO BED
I PULL THE COBIJA OVER MY HEAD.
EARLY NEXT MORNING, OR LATE EEN THE NIGHT
I HEAR A DAM RACKET, I THEENK EES A FIGHT.
I GEET OUT OF BED, I DON'T FEEL BERRY WELL,
MY HEAD EES TOO BIG, IT HURT ME LIKE HELL.
I GO TO THE WINDOW, DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I SEE,
A POT-BELLIED GRINGO, AS PLAIN AS CAN BE.
I LOOK AT HEES ROPA, HEES ALL COLORED RED.
HEES GOT HEEM SOME CHIVOS TIED TO A SLED.
I JELL AND I HOLLER, "HEY, MOVE JOUR FAT ASS,
JOUR CHIVOS JUST CHIT ALL OVER MY GRASS"
HE TURN TO HEES GOATS AND JUST SAY ONE WORD
UP GO THEM CHIVOS, JUST LIKE A BIRD.
AROUND THEY CIRCLE, THEN QUEEK AS A MOUSE
HE LAND THAT DAMN SLED ON TOP OF MY HOUSE.
THEN CHAKING HEES HORNS AND STAMPING HEES HOOF.
I THEENK THEY CHORE PLAY HELL WEES MY ROOF.
I HEAR DEES OLD MAN CHOUT LOUD AND CLEAR
"WHAT THE HELL RODRIGUES, NO SHIMNEY UP HERE,
NO DOOR, NO WINDOW, NOTHING BUT AIR,
HOW CAN I GEEVE YOU THEES GOVERNMENT WELFARE?"
THEEN RIGHT AWAY, RODRIGUEZ DO SEE
HEES GOING TO GEET SOMETHING FOR FREE.
TO THEES GRINGO HE SAY. "PLEASE COME IN SENOR.
COME DOWN HERE AND JUSE THE FRONT DOOR."
HE COME EEN THE HOUSE AND UP ON HEES BACK
HEES CARRY A BEEG COTTON SACK.
HE SAT DEES BEEG SACK DOWN ON THE FLOOR,
AND START PULLING OUT COMIDA GALORE.
HE PULL OUT TORTILLAS, TAMALES, AND HAM,
CHILES, BROWN BEANS AND CANS OF SPAM,
HE TAKES OUT CERVEZA AND BOTTLES OF WINE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEES IS ALL MINE,
I'M THEENKING, RODRIGUES, JOU LUCKY BY HECK,
THEES CHURE AS HELL BEATS A WELFARE SHECK,
SO HE TAKES OUT HEES BOLSA AND DRINKS SOME OF MY WINE
AND CUSSES HEES CHIVOS TO GET THEM IN LINE.
HE CUSSES AND HOLLERS, HE KNEW EVERYONE
"ON CHINGOW, CARBON JOU SON OF A GUNS".
THAT OLD MAN, HEES PUT ON A CHO
TRYING TO GEET THEEM DAMN CHIVOS TO GO.
AT LAST HE GEET THEM TO JUMP IN THE SKY.
LAST TIME I SEE HEEM, HEES PRETTY DAMN HIGH,
HEES GOING AWAY AND THE LAST THING I HEAR
"IF JOU VOTE FOR FOR THE DEMOCRATS, I BE BACK NEXT JEAR."
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Dressing Room Chips
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STUPID AND HEARTLESS THINGS TO SAY IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOM
# That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?
# I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.
# Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you
were a man...
# I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away because
he said it made me look like Edna Everage.
# Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your pimples...
# Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU
# Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up myself
# Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is the
'plain, severe and drab' look in this season?
# Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?
# Hi, I'm from Weightwatchers
# I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate
your roots
# Excuse me, but since you're obviously colourblind would you like any
help?
# Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?
# God, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?
# I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I
followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses, four
skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it's
really all you...
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Canadian Chips
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What *Provincial* Mottos Should Be:
British Columbia: Come Try Our Pot
Alberta: Mostly Flat, Except For That Bumpy Bit In The Corner.
Saskatchewan: Roadmap, Scmoadmap, All You Need Is Graph Paper.
Manitoba: Mosquito Hunting Season: June-September. Bring Your Shotgun
Ontario: The Province That The Rest Of Canada Loves To Hate
Quebec: Dis His A Stickup. Give Hus Hall Your Money Hor We Will Separate
New Brunswick: We Had A Fast Boat A Century Ago, And Nobody's Heard From
Us Since
Prince Edward Island: Now Prince Edward On A Stick
Nova Scotia: Those Who Can, Sail. Those Who Can't Move To Toronto
Newfoundland: It's Squid-Jigging Time, Byes!
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Why We Celebrate
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Christmas/WhyCelebrate.html
Christmas Poems
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/
Rick w/ The Gift Of Christmas~
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ra/ChristmasGif.html
Holidays With You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/HolidaysWithYou.htm
God's Little Love Notes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html
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Surfin Surfari
Santatelevision - Santa Claus
http://www.santatelevision.com/
Santa Claus and Christmas at the Northpole
http://www.northpole.com/
Christmas Trivia Quiz
http://www.quizland.com/f2quiz.mv?f18+NOMUSIC
Pucker Up Baby!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html
Signs For Woman!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wsigns.html
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Karen's Calculator
http://www.karenware.com/powertools/ptcalc.asp
Shell's Tutorials
http://www.shells-tutorials.co.uk/index.htm
Jeffrey's TAZ-man-iac
http://www.tazworld.com/taz/
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Animal World
Dogs Saying Grace Before Meals
http://www.dogwork.com/prybrme8/
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Movie Links
Taint
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vgffdesw.htm
Taint Taster
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbcfsxfd.htm
Time to Leave Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mhfdesere.htm
Triceratits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkhfgsdrf.htm
Un BarDame
http://www.buffaloschips.com/seaedrty.htm
Court House Shooting Idiot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sfserfs.htm
Cutest Plumber
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjsdkjs.htm
Deer Jumps Cycle
http://www.buffaloschips.com/safs.htm
Drag Race Slomo
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfwsew.htm
Dry Retriever
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sfew.htm
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Light Chips
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Things Not To Say
When Hanging The Lights
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the
three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (Page Six's
Psychiatrist claims the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to
drive and wallpapering. He is rarely wrong on these things.) We rush to
print with an emergency prompt list of Things Not To Say When Hanging
Lights on the Christmas Tree.
-- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're
supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green,
blue..."
--"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
--"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every
year? Tie them in knots?"
--"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that
sucker."
--"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just
throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."
--"Give me that."
--"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric
pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."
--"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done,
dammit."
--"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it
shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
--"Have you been drinking?"
--"Where's the cat?"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young woman of Sydney
Who could take it clear up to the kidney.
But the thrust of Alphonse
Barely reached to her mons
So he left her unsatisfied, didney?
___________________________________
There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been,
If his father has seen
That the tip of his condom was torn.
___________________________________
There was a young lady of Spain
Whose face was excessively plain
But her cunt had a pucker
That made the men fuck'er
Again and again and again.
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Parting Chips
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Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to some famous cartoon
characters after they made their big splash. Well, I caught up with a
few of
them, and these are some of the results:
The Grinch
Changed his name to Gingrich and became Speaker of the House.
Frosty the Snowman (my personal favorite)
Became Frosty the Snowwoman after he had his snowballs removed.
Captain Crunch
Was demoted to Sargeant Crunch due to a decline in sales.
Charlie Brown
Was fired as a spokesman for Rogaine after he discovered the stuff
didn't
work for him.
Snow White
Fired by the head of DisneyWorld after she said she was feeling Bashful.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2130
Dreaming of Christmas
The fire is dimming in the fireplace, snow is drifting down outside.
Eyes are starting to get heavy.....
BJ: Katie, what do you want for Christmas?
Katie: Yawn, I would love just a few simple things.
BJ: Such as?
Katie pulls out a long list that reaches to the floor: Well since you
asked.
I could use a new Bentley, champagne color of course. I would like a
case
of the best wine, blu-rays to sub out my dvds, an 82 inch 3D TV. A
Tanzanite
studded collar to match my new platinum earrings.
BJ: Gasp!!! Is that all?
Katie: Oh I forgot, a 3D blu-ray player to play the 3D movies of
course. How
silly of me to forget.
BJ: How about you Val?
Val: I was kind of hoping for a new bouncy ball.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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