Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Tonight we say good-bye to 2011. I would like to also say good-bye
to all of the aches and pains of sorrows of 2011 and hope they choose
never to visit us again. At the same time store away all the good
memories
of the past year someplace close where we can draw on them when times
get tough in 2012. My sincerest thanks to all that helped me through my
trials and the loss of my sister when I know that many of you were
struggling with the same problems. I hope that all of you found a
shoulder
to lean on, a hug or a word of advice and that the chips helped bring a
smile to your face. buffalo
For those who have waited 31 days to see what we have to give
us reason to imbibe or take a moment to rest and contemplate
here is this month's list of weird holidays.
1 New Year's Day
1 First Foot Day
1 Polar Bear Swim Day
1 First Cheese Factory Opened
2 Drinking Straw patented
3 Festival of Sleep Day
3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
4 Trivia Day
4 Tennis Day
4 Flower Basket Day
4 National Spaghetti Day
5 National Whipped Cream Day
5 Bird Day
6 Bean Day
7 Old Rock Day
7 Panama Canal Day
7 Typewriter Patented
8 Rock 'n' Roll Day
8 First Computer Patented
10 Peculiar People Day
10 Volunteer Fireman's Day
11 Secret Pal Day
11 International Thank You Day
11 Pharmacist's Day
11 National Milk Day (milk delivered in bottles for first time-1878)
12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day
13 Stephen Foster Memorial Day
14 National Dress Up Your Pet Day
15 Hat Day
15 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Birthday (born 1929)
16 Hot and Spicy Food International Day
16 Religious Freedom Day
16 National Fig Newton Day
16 National Nothing Day
17 Pig Day
17 Ben Franklin's Birthday (born 1706)
18 Winnie the Pooh Day
19 National Popcorn Day
19 Archery Day
19 Robert E. Lee's Birth Anniversary (born 1807)
20 Cheese Day
20 Basketball Day 21 Hat Day
21 National Hugging Day
23 National Handwriting Day
23 National Pie Day
23 Measure Your Feet Day
24 National Peanut Butter Day
24 Eskimo Pie Patent Day (by Christian Nelson in 1922) 24 Gold
discovered in California (Sutter's Mill in 1848)
24 National School Nurse Day
25 Opposite Day
25 Observe the Weather Day
26 National Popcorn Day
26 National Peanut Brittle Day
27 National Chocolate Cake Day
27 Australia Day (the day Sydney, Australia was settled in 1778)
27 National School Nurse Day
28 National Kazoo Day
28 Bald Eagle Day
29 National Rattle Snake Roundup Day
29 National Puzzle Day
29 National Corn Chip Day
30 Escape Day
31 National Popcorn Day
31 National Backwards Day
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Eve Chips
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Signs You're At A Lame New Year's Eve Party
- To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled
and pick-pocketed
- The 'Party Hats' look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones
- There's a "Happy 1995" sticker on the packet of shrimp
you've been eating all night
- It's January 6th
- Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm
- The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at
10,000
- At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl's
pants drop
- You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom
- The 'Champagne' tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed
with Alka Seltzer
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Cinema
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lk546k.htm
Clap Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl45j6lkj45.htm
Clean Undies
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl54j6k54l.htm
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Nurse Chips
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A friend of mine sent this to me from where she works - apparently
these problems are universal - scary...that means there are stupid
people everywhere!! Enjoy these!
1. Don't tell me you have abdominal pain as you eat doritos in my triage
booth.
2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask you is
how
you are getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you
home,
and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your family members
at
this hour. You had no problem bothering 911 for the back pain you've had
for 3 months.
3. You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate me and I
will
probably
miss your IV on purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to
initially
to prove a point
4. "Butterfly" is not an IV size, this word signals me to put in a
larger
bore
needle.
5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not in severe
pain,
are not vomiting or pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes
back
to
the waiting room.
6. How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but be able to yell
at
me
about the wait after you just put down a magazine you were reading?
7. Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg of Dilaudid".
Requesting
your
med and dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the med before I
inject,
then I lie about the dose.
8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already
assumed
you are a drug seeker.
9. If you came to the ER having a family doctor appointment that same
day, I
will make sure you are still in the department well past the time of
your
original appointment.
10. I don't care if you are neighbors with the GI specialist. Unless he
drove
you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.
11. Just because, "my doctor sent me here", does not mean you get right
back to a treatment room. This tells me you are a pain in the ass, and
he's
pawning you off.
12. The louder you moan/whine, the bigger size IV needle you get.
13. Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure intoxicated
persons.
14. If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list. Don't
say,
"you know, the little white pill". I am not a pharmacist.
15. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
16. Don't bitch about missing breakfast when I'm on the ninth hour of my
shift
and haven't peed yet.
17. What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat for a
week
while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for
pneumonia?
18. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by
putting
a little piece of tape down there and kicking you out.
19. I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in triage to be triggered
when
you say the word "toothache".
20. Cover you mouth when you cough/belch. This is just common courtesy.
When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to bust butt in your room,
then
close the door.
21. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome,
know
that
I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a loser.
22. If you list Haldol, Geodon, Xanax, and trazadone as allergies, don't
tell me
you have no psych history.
23. Never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed to
write
"penile sores" or "foul smelling discharge". This will piss me off that
I
bumped
you ahead of other people and I'll make your visit horrific.
24. Although you've been in the ER four times this week, you cannot list
the
ER doc as your family physician.
25. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to your lungs.
26. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton
of
cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your
seven
children are playing their own PSP's.
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Resolution Chips
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New Year's Resolutions For Him & Her [Him (Y) / Her (X)]
X - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Y - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or
Superbowl weekend)
X - ONLY - one chocolate bar per week
Y - ONLY - three nights at topless bar per week
X - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Y - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom
TV remote
X - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Y - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog mailing
list
X - Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Y - Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing
X - Get organized/clean house
Y - Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)
X - Buy new Daily Planner
Y - Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture
X - Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Y - Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance
X - Read More / Less TV
Y - Buy Dish - More sports channels!!
X - Watch quality TV with positive messages
Y - When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER
X - Plan budget / Save more money
Y - Only three nights at topless bar per week
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Pet Chips
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TOP 12 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS MADE BY PETS
12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major
dog
shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to
us
when no one is around.
7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or
they'll
flush my ass.
5. Always scoot before licking.
4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much
food
is *too* much.
3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd -
December
31: Re-live victory over the sock.
1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ *To forward or repost, please include this section.* ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]
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Suit Chips
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A guy sees his best friend on the street. The friend
is wearing a flamboyant outfit. Lime colored trousers,
a puff sleeved, lavender shirt, a puce ascot, etc...
So he asks his friend, "what in the world is wrong
with you?"
"Oh, my wife," the friend replies.
"Your wife?" queries the first guy.
"Yea. I saw an ad in the paper for Cox's Men's Store.
They were having a great sale on seersucker suits. So
I told her, go to Cox's and buy me one of those
seersucker suits. So what does she do? She goes to
Sears and buys me cocksucker suit."
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy New Year ~ 2012
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/B/2012.html
Happy New Year...Flash
http://www.angel9oh7.com/nypenguin1.html
Happy New Year Cheer
http://wandascountryhome.com/newyear/cheers.html
Rick w/ A New Year's Prayer~
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/NewYearPrayer.html
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Surfin Surfari
Firework Frenzy Game
http://www.miniclip.com/games/fireworks/en/
New year's Toasts
http://www.algeo.net/poetry/page25.html
Playboy Bunny Calendar!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html
Celebrities Then And Now!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html
Yearly Friendship Renewal!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
SoYouWanna cure a hangover?
http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/hangover/hangover.html
Hangovers and Hangover Cures And Remedies
http://www.rupissed.com/hangovercures.html
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.germanshepherds.com/gallery/
Kitty Korner
http://www.felixthecat.com/
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Movie Links
Gym
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dss.htm
Handling Road Rage
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbjkk.htm
Home & Garden TV
http://www.buffaloschips.com/allka.htm
Hot Tub Mishap
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkjkkol.htm
How To Get A Divorce
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkhkjh.htm
McRonalds
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2wds.htm
My First Rescue
http://www.buffaloschips.com/yh.htm
Never Underestimate An Old Girl
http://www.buffaloschips.com/67t.htm
Obongo 08
http://www.buffaloschips.com/iuhj8.htm
Oeufs Poussins
http://www.buffaloschips.com/trfu.htm
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Come Chips
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Come Ons And Come Backs
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there any more.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls
you a fat slut.
Man : Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you will be on your knees sucking
on my cock.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in
the back of my car, I don't give a shit where you go.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little moustache
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man: No problem, I can always shoot my load up your arse.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of bitch
that's impossible to shake off once you've shagged her.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me....as long as you are still a bit
warm when I shove it in ya.
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Toon Chips
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coca cola
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nvhjkdvghdfk.htm
sexx1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mghdkflgdf.htm
big wood
http://www.buffaloschips.com/,dgjdlfgfd.htm
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Limerick Chips
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aid a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from Ohio State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus
_________________________________
Into the hospital goes Harry Reid;
it's become a twice-daily deed.
In the past they rarely spoke
But that was before the stroke
That could rob them of their lead.
(Scott Witt)
_________________________________
In Scotland one is apt to wonder
About kilts and what goes under.
Well, soon you will know
As soldiers start to show
The result of a requisitional blunder.
(Scott Witt)
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Parting Chips
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A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very
thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He
approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.
The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest replied, "What did you say?"
The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?"
The boy replied, "Yes.... tight ass!"
Tom R.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2133
Diana's Christmas List
Sandi: Rudy what are going to get mother for
Christmas?
Rudy: Toots? Well I guess I have not really thought
about it. I guess I could get her a book called '1001 Things
To Feed Your Dog."
Sandi: No, that would be for you Rudy, something for her.
Maybe something to make her smell nice.
Rudy: Something like a fresh-kill rabbit scent?
Sandi: No something that bi-peds like. Think about
what dad likes.
Rudy: Pops likes hooters and football games.
Sandi: No, that's not right. Okay you need my help.
Rudy: So help me.
Sandi: I would get her something dainty, like a scarf and
gloves.
Rudy: Hrumpt! Okay, I can do that. I have some in my room.
Rudy leaves and comes back.
Sandi: No, not biker gloves and not a do-rag.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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