Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Concerning my rant of yesterday about Ichiro Suzuki. Mark in
Japan explained to me that Ichiro does speak English but felt that
to avoid embarrassment by misusing our language it was easier to
speak through his interpreter. Mark also said that Ichiro loves his
fans and is never too tired to sign an autograph. I suspected he
understood the language when he smiled when the possibility of
moving to San Francisco when he becomes a free agent was
mentioned.
The worst part of the move is over and you can expect to see more
of our pages with the buffaloschips address especially some great
new movie clips I will be putting up shortly.
From the Soo Evening News
Cruelty complaint
Sault Police are compiling evidence while investigating a cruelty
complaint after a child rode from a local grocery store to a local
trailer park in the trunk of a vehicle.
Reports indicate the nine-year-old boy was running around in the
grocery store before he was eventually caught by the man responsible
for his actions. The man brought the boy out of the store and placed
him in the trunk apparently getting laughs from the other passengers
for this action.
The boy, however, was not laughing. Admitting he was not scared by
the experience the boy indicated the ride in the trunk made him "mad"
at the driver.
No arrests have been made after speaking with the involved parties
and witnesses, with the case destined for the desk of the prosecuting
attorney.
buffalo says I have mixed feelings about this because I know it is
dangerous
riding in a trunk of a car because of possibility of exhaust fumes or
even a rear
end collision but many of us have sneaked into a drive-in via a
trunk. Plus I know
there are times I would have liked to have locked a kid or two in the
trunk along
with some cats. How do you feel about it?
Enjoy the chips.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Scottish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scotsman is working at a sewerage. It's a warm day, so he takes off
his jacket and drapes it over a handrail - where it slips off into a
vast tank of shit! He's just about to dive in when his mate shouts
"It's nae guid tae do that, the jacket's ruined" He replies "Aye, ah
ken, but ma sandwiches are in the pocket"
A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been
given
a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is
it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The
mother
scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking
part."
Jock's wife Maggie went to the doctor complaining of pains in the
stomach. The doctor told her it was 'just wind'. "Just wind?" she
screamed at him. "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a
group
had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through,
all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As
the
conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!"
and
one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed
back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and
took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the
Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try
this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that,
oddly,
the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just
before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the
toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots
leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket,
Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and
quickly closed the door
When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English
acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in
exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come
you
didn't stay there?" "Well," explained Jock "they're all so clever up
there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all
Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess
approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock
replied. She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like
one.
"Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores
allthe way to America than drink whisky!" Jock hurriedly passed the
drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
More Scottish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As
Jock pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket the clergyman
glared
and said reprovingly, "Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never
tasted whisky in my life!" "Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock,
pouring himself a dram. "There's no risk of you starting now!"
Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top
medical
man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a
live,
wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and
sank to the bottom. The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my
friends, what does this tell us?"
Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"
A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to
tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and
says "I'd
like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk
says
"OK, how much money dae ye have?" The old woman replies "£5" to which
the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and
we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it
over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid" He
feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old
woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds
a
few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then
reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Snoring Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the
wife goes to the Vet to see if he can help. The Vet tells the woman to
tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop
snoring "Yeah,
right!" she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she
goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully
around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The
woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with
his
buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly.
The woman thinks that maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes
to
the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her
husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him, and the woman sleeps soundly.
The man wakes from a drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and
sees a
blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he
walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his
dog's
testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't
know where we were or what we did, but, by Damn, we got first and
second
place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot
would embarrass her whenever she came
into the apartment with a man. He would shout
all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with
"Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"
In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her
parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
"What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too.
I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile,
you could borrow this female owl until the female
parrot arrives."
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot.
It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care
for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't
her usual nervous self as she opened the door to
bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap.
Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and
she knew that things hadn't changed.
"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's
gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said.
The owl said, "Whoooo? Whooooo?"
"Not you; you fat son-of-a-bitch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in
a MacDonald's hamburger a couple of years ago.
Here is David Letterman's top ten MacDonald's excuses for
the condom in the Big Mac:
10. We were test marketing the new "McRibbed."
9. Condom, Condiment...
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.
7. It was either there, or in the vanilla shake.
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese
are true.
5. We're experimenting with a new, even happier meal.
4. Employees too embarrassed to ask "Would you like a
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3. So what? A regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.
2. Drive-thru speaker broken: "Coke with lots of ice" sounds like
"Prophylactic device."
And the number one MacDonald's Excuse for the Condom in
the Big Mac:
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too
careful.
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Last Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While at his doctors trying to figure out why he felt bad and had no
energy, Jim finally admitted that he was probably worn down from to
much
sex.
"How much are we talking about here Jim"? His doctor asks.
" Well I can not stop myself, and must have it at least twenty times a
day or I will not be able to sleep at night", Jim reports.
"My God Jim, that is way more then any man should be doing! Just look
at
how sick it has already made you. You must slow down to a normal pace
or
it is going to kill you"!
So taking his Doctors advice, Jim does indeed slow down and began
to
feel much better. How ever Jims addiction to sex is more then he can
control, and within weeks he finds himself completely back out of
control, and doing it thirty, and forty times a day. It did not take
long for Jim to end up in the hospital with his Doctor telling him
that
he is now going to die, and there is nothing he can do for him. I
warned
you that it would kill you if you did not slow down, he said. All I
can
do now is to ask you if you have any last wishes?
Jim says yes Doctor I do! I want you to promise me that when I die you
make sure I get cremated.
His Doctor agrees.
Then I want you to promise me that you will take my ashes, mix them up
into a douche, and run me through one last time!
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How To Annoy People
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Bruce's Font and Dingbat Links
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Movies
Frank Caliend on Letterman
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friend sare for
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him
over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a
really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood
yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known
cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she
asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been
there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners
and wins $35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000. The National Grid comes
up and he wins that too getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here
20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the
full house and the national grid on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"Oh Hell," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sweaty
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Limerick Chips
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They
packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - Condoms
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motion sickness on ships.
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The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked him, "If it
makes you so sick, why do you do it?"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in
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that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the
man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor
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to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious
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"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
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He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a
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The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Well, Son of a Bitch!" the patient exclaimed as he stared
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1025
When They are Good, But When They are Bad....
Diana is fixing supper in the kitchen...nachos with cheese,
ground beef, cheese and all the fixings..
BJ is on the way home. She goes to the bathroom and when
she re-enters the kitchen.... Ginger, Sandi and Katie are
helping themselves to the ground beef on the kitchen counter
busted! Rudy is innocent as he is crashed on BJ's bed.
They are tossed outside...Diana is in a huff as BJ is close to
being home...she goes into her bedroom while the new batch
of beef is cooking to see..... her new shoes shredded...by
Ginger...and her two new stuffed dogs..shredded by Ginger
a surge suppressor not plugged in torn apart by Ginger,
vacation pictures ripped by Ginger.
Checking her blood pressure, Diana decides upon hanging
or beheading as punishment.
BJ: Hello honey how was your day?
Slug!! Ka-Pow!
BJ: Hey what is the matter? Isn't supper ready?
Why are your eyes red? Why is there steam coming out of
your ears and nose?
Diana after explaining the day to BJ: So how do we kill Ginger?
BJ: Remember she is just a puppy and puppies do these things.
I will have to crate her when she is alone her protection..
keep her out of trouble.
Diana: If she had destroyed something of yours, you would not
be to flippant about this.
Later...
BJ: Where is Ginger, she ate my belt and ate a movie.
The herd in Guthrie
(alas Ginger is a puppy and is eating everything around. I have
rawhide bones out the whazoo but she wants to eat the house)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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