Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was listening to the news this morning and caught a pun
concerning the nominee for Joint Chiefs of Staff head Adm.
Mike Mullen. The reporter said he was expected to sail
right through the confirmation hearings. I suppose if he was
an Air Force General he would have been expected to fly
right through the hearings. Would an Artillery General be
expected to blast his way through the hearings? How about
an Infantry General, would he march right through vice
a Cavalry General who would ride right through? Of course a
Marine General would have to fight his way through the
confirmation process, they never get to do anything the easy
way.
Is it just my imagination or is Phoenix becoming the weird city
of our country? First we have heard for years of UFO sightings
there and contrails from jets that aren't really there but this
weekend
things got even stranger. First you have five news copters
hovering over a police chase and not watching where they are
going and two of them collide and the four occupants are killed
in the crash. They were suggesting charging the driver with
manslaughter for creating circumstances that lead to the death
of four people. I agree with hanging the idiot but not for something
that amounts to pilot error. If you want to blame someone blame
FAA for allowing four choppers in the same air space.
Then this morning there was reports of a man dying when tasered
by the cops when they intervened in an exorcism. I'm not blaming
the police as there was screaming going on and blood everywhere
and the dead person had a headlock on the three year old that was
supposedly possessed. Everyone who has watched Linda Blair
spray Pea Soup and float in the air knows that job should be left
to professionals. To top things off most three year olds are easy to
confuse with being possessed. At that age I thought Buffy was or that
Sandy had been impregnated by space aliens.
If you are in favor of spanking your children as a form of punishment,
so is the appellate courts in Minnesota. Seems a father spanked his
12 year
old son three times for sneaking out after dark and throwing a tantrum
about the spanking. Child protective services removed the children
from the house but the appellate court overturned a decision by a
lower
court that 36 swats on the behind was excessive. They weighed the
child's
behavior and decided it was fair punishment.
It is great to have some strange news for a change other than which
superstar
has gotten arrested for drunk driving. Hope you are having a good
weekend.
buffalo
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First Aid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a redneck father and son who were always in competition with
each other. One day the son left to take an entrance exam at a
university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned
from his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his father.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions
about
first aid and stuff. I got a score of 75%. It wasn't good enough to
get
accepted," the boy replied.
"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," the father said.
So off to the university he went. A week later the father returned
from
his trip looking very down in the dumps.
"How was the exam?" asked his son.
"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the missing letter' questions
about
first aid and I got them all wrong but one."
"Gee, Dad. Which question was that?"
"The question was...", started the father, "What do you do when you
come
across a lady which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"
"That's easy", the son replied. "The answer is pulse."
"Oh, hell," said the father, " I got that one wrong as well."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me
why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about
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head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the
lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."
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Tiger Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to
consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I
have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
"That's no big thing in this day and age," her husband replies.
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" he asks.
"Tiger Woods." replies his wife.
"Tiger Woods the golfer?" the husband asks. "Yeah. Well he's rich,
famous and handsome. I can see why you went to go to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done,
the
husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food," her
husband replies.
"Tiger wouldn't do that," she says.
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with
his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to
the phone.
"What are you doing?" she asks again.
"I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some
food,"
her husband responds.
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" he asks.
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time," his wife replies.
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to
his
wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags
himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No," he responds. "I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what the par
is
for this hole!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day during school, a 2nd grade teacher was in the middle
of a math lesson.
Suddenly a little girl named Susie stood up and yelled, "Teacher,
teacher! Can I go to the potty, I have to pee!"
The teacher calmly replied, "Susie, we don't say 'pee,' we
say 'number one.' Yes, you may go."
A few minutes later a little boy named Billy stood up,
started jumping up and down yelling, "Teacher! Can I go to
the bathroom? I really gotta poop!"
The teacher firmly replied, "Billy, we don't say 'poop,' we
say 'number two.' Go ahead."
About half an hour later Little Johnny, who had been
listening to what she said, stood up and yelled, "Teacher, Teacher!
Give me a number quick, cause I really gotta fart!"
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Visitor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands:
IRELAND
"Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is
black- did a leprechaun crap in it?"
FRANCE
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ITALY
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POLAND
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GERMANY
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CHINA
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"Was John Wayne gay?
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the
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A high-school history teacher was discussing the funeral of the
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The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So you see, only
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Two elderly women (who had never met) were shopping in the
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billfold from her purse.
"Here is a shot of my husband last summer," said the
first, "And here are our three children when they went to high
school."
"Nice looking teenagers... " the other replied, "NOT like some
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The first woman added, "These are our grandchildren. The
oldest is six." Then she said, "Let me see your grandchildren.
Her shopping acquaintance replied, "I do not have any
grandchildren.
"Why not?" gasped the first lady.
"Because," replied the second, "According to the rules of
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Nick
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
to LynnLynns-links-
July 29 2007
A good Sunday morning to you all.
For all of you that have been monitoring the progress for little 3
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prayers and forward to all your friends for their prayers. Ask God to
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send another of His miracles for Callie.
God Bless you all and wishes for a very happy week,
John
Heavens Gates Prayer Book for Callie Stapp
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Veteran Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As an American Veteran who fought for the rights you take for granted
today
#1 I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political
correctness.
#2 I have the right to choose my religious path if I choose
one at all. Christianity be damned.
#3 If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow.
#4 I have the right to hang up on telemarketers midsentence
and not have to worry about whether or not I was polite.
#5 If I think someone's an idiot, I will tell them
they're an idiot.
#6 I have the right to tell children that their parents aren't raising
them correctly. (Think of how many times you've been at a supermarket
and heard a screaming child the entire time...what exactly would you
want to say that'd be any nicer?)
#7 If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the
hell up.
#8 You may have the right to speak, but I don't have to
listen to you.
#9 If I want to be rude, loud, and obnoxious, it's a free country.
#10 If I want to go to a bar, destroy my liver with alcohol, clog my
arteries with junk, and have unsafe sex with the woman/man I just
met, I
ought to be able to smoke while I'm at it.
#11 I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can go to Jenny
Craig.
#12 Jerry Springer for President!!!
#13 Denis Leary should be proclaimed God and given
reign over
society.
#14 Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a
slut of herself,and you're worried about my religious
beliefs?
#15 Before you tell me how to run my life, be certain
that your own is squeaky clean.
#16 Just because you work at McDonald's doesn't
mean you have an excuse to have an I.Q. under
twelve.
#17 (Courtesy of George Carlin) Just because you're
a student does not mean that you're any more
enlightened than someone that works at Blockbuster.
#18 Speaking of Blockbuster, if I return the tape,
you do not have to actually sue me for $15!!
#19 If you're stupid enough to give me credit, deal
with the consequences.
#20 It's ignorant to charge someone $25 if they
bounce a check for $5. (If I didn't have the $5,
what makes you think I'm going to have $25
you retards!!)
#21 If you don't like the way I drive then at the
next red light get out from under my car.
#22 If your dog or cat is so smart, then why
do you talk to it like it's a newborn baby?
#23 If I shoot you while you're committing a
crime, and you try to sue me for it, I'll shoot
you again.
#24 Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who
would give up freedoms and liberties for
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#25 If you live in Tornado Alley, don't whine
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who ecked out a living through sin.
She didn't mind fucking,
But much preferred sucking,
And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin.
There was a young lady whose joys
Were achieved with incomparable poise.
She could have an orgasm
With never a spasm---
She could fart without making a noise.
There once were two ladies from Birmingham
That dealy with matters not concerning them.
They reached under the robes
And tickled the globes
Of the bishop that then was confirming them
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Lucy loved sucking her thumb so much. She was now five years
old
but hadn´t stopped the bad habit. With an effort to stop her from this
bad practice, Lucy´s mother lied to her that her stomach will swell
and
will finally burst if she doesn´t stop the habit. The lie scared
little
Lucy that she actually stopped the habit immediately.
A month later, expectant Mrs. Blecker pays them a visit. When Lucy
comes
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ahead with her greeting. Mrs. Blecker notices the hesitation and asks,
"Hi, Lucy! I guess you are wondering where I´ve been, aren´t you?"
The little girl answers, "Not exactly, Mrs. Blecker, I know what
you´ve
been doing and you better stop it fast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Guido was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after
another. After the sixth one... a man on the bench across from him
said,
"Son,you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give
you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Guido replied,
"My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked,
"Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"
Little Guido answered,
"No, he minded his own fucking business."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1038
The Defenders
Rudy: Pops we have this other game we play. Do you
want to see it?
BJ: Sure, what do you call it?
Rudy: Defender.
BJ: Sounds innocent enough.
Rudy: Here take this ball pops. All you have to do is carry the
ball and touch the fence with it. Simple isn't it?
BJ: Yeah, I can do that.
Sandi: We four have to stop you.
Ginger: Heh heh heh.
Rudy: Grrrr!
Katie: Growl!
BJ: Here I come!
Thud! Crash!
BJ: Okay, let me try it again, let me up.
Rudy: Are you kiddin'? No way Jose.
Sandi: You are my daddy, but this is Defender.
BJ: Okay let me start again. I have a plan.
BJ goes into the house. Throws a steak at Sandi,
who starts to eat the steak, runs for the wall. Katie
sees him running for her, she turns and runs...Rudy
tries to tackle but dad is too big, Ginger helps, but still
dad is too big. Sandi would be the difference but....
she is busy.
Later....
Rudy: We could have stopped him. He is the first
person ever to make it to the wall.
Sandi: Burp! But it is okay, he is daddy and I am full,
Burp!
The herd in Guthrie
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Remember 9/11/01
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