Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am really disappointed with the people over at Mythbusters
forums. They have a bulletin board system over there where you
can post comments on topics from past episodes and suggestions
for new episodes. They did several shows on the possibility of
a cell phone being able to ignite a gas air mixture say at a service
station. They decided after their tests that it couldn't happen
although there is a record of at least one incident where it did
happen.
Then along comes the release of the new Apple iPhones this month
that come with a manufacturers warning that they not be used in
explosive atmospheres. The phone has a slider on it that operates
a manual switch or rheostat that can produce a spark and a big bang.
The material I sent has been waiting over two weeks for moderation
and posting. and each day I receive a report from them saying it is
still
awaiting moderation, I guess that is what bugs me the most.
Be careful out there it's Monday... buffalo
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School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New Teacher
"Show of hands...who has a single, slutty mom?"
"I'm gonna learn you all kinds of smart things."
"Daddy is sleepy...wake me at 4."
"Today you'll be dissecting the person sitting next to
you."
"Science, scientology, what's the difference?"
"I will learn your names when I sober up!"
"My system is simple...I assign grades by height."
"Anybody need lottery tickets or cigarettes?"
"Sorry I'm late...some bullies threw me into a locker."
"My name is Mr. Parker...but if the feds ask, I'm Mr.
Johnson."
[Courtesy of the Late Show with David Letterman]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Happy Meal
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Morning Poem
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Problem With Inflatable Raft
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was on a bus tour of Castilla that had a stop at this
old
convent. The tour wasn't that interesting so he managed to slip away
and
started wandering around by himself.
Feeling the urge to pee, he looked around for some privacy. He hid
behind a bush and took a leak on the wall of the chapel.
While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior came around the
corner and surprised him.
"OH! I am soooo sorry!" Little Johnny said in embarrassment. "It's
OK,"
she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's... You know.
Could I take a closer look?"
A nun asking to see his unit freaked out Little Johnny but it was
kinda
kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell.
The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she
said, "You know, I always wanted to touch one. Would you
mind...?" "This
is really weird, but sure." Little Johnny was getting really
excited. Who else could say that a nun had tossed you off? "Could you
take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?" the nun
requested.
Little Johnny, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down
his
pants.
The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly straightened, and
said... "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church
(SQUEEZE) walls
(SQUEEZE) again!!!!!!!
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Bet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman came across a house that had a large number of cars parked
outside it. Intrigued, he stopped and decided to sell his double
glazing
to the owner.
Answering the door was a gorgeous young woman, and the salesman
started
into his banter.
After she turned down his offer for double glazing, his curiosity got
the better of him and he asked how she came to acquire so many cars.
"Well," she said. "I make bets with gentlemen, they lose they give me
their car."
The salesman becoming more intrigued, asks, "What does the bet
entail?"
All they have to do is copy exactly what my son does."
"Is that all? How old is your son?"
"He's only seven."
With this the salesman can't resist anymore.
"OK, I'll bet you I can do exactly what your son can do and if you win
you get my car, but what do I get?"
"I'll buy your double glazing and give you a good time in my bedroom."
The salesman agrees and the woman calls her son.
"Right, Tommy I want you to put your hand up my blouse."
Tommy puts his hand up his mother's blouse and the salesman does
exactly
the same.
"Tommy, put your hand in my bra."
Tommy puts his hand in his mother's bra and the salesman does exactly
the same.
"Tommy I want you to put your hand up my skirt."
Tommy puts his hand up his mother's skirt and the salesman does
exactly
the same.
"Now Tommy, I want you to bend your dick.
The salesman hands her his keys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Favorite Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Favorite Things To Do
Here's a list of my favorite things to do..... well, there's sex, you
can have sex, sexual intercourse, a quickie, consummate a marriage,
couple, copulate, coddle, or commit the act of procreation. You could
be
making whoopee, making love, love making, scrogging, slapping skin, or
sweating to the oldies. You could sleep with someone, sleep together,
sleep around, fool around, whore around, screw around, or just screw,
shag, shank, score, fornicate, fork, pork, pump, poke, plank, pound,
boff bonk, bop, bone bang, or boink. you could be dancing between the
sheets, doing the horizontal bop, the horizontal mambo, the prone
boogie, or even the hunka-chunka. You could be humping, bumping,
humping
and bumping, bumping uglies, the ol' bump and grind, or making the two
backed beast. You could play doctor, hide the salami, hide the
sausage,
because dammit, it's the most fun you can have with your clothes off.
You could break in a new mattress, or give the old one a workout. You
could be squeaking the springs, annoying the neighbors, or making a
big
mistake. You could get them in the sack, get little action, get a
little
nookie, get a piece of tail, get a piece of ass, get it on, get some,
get frisky, get lucky, get laid, get all hot and sticky, or just get
it
wet, and, i'm not making this up, get a little sticky steak up in this
bitch. You could be mounted, mounting, rutting, breeding, starting a
family, pulling the train, slamming the stack. Two for me, none for
you.
Not going anywhere for a while? You could turn a trick, or take pity
on
the poor bastard and give it away. Happy hammering, hammer, nail, sow
your wild oats, lose your virginity, or induce pregnancy the old
fashioned way. Take a roll in the hay, a trip to the tunnel of love,
or
a trip to paradise if you're taking the scenic route. Hit a home run,
hit the twizzer, knock boots, tap that ass, shoplift the pootie,
plunder
the booty, count the ceiling tiles, ruin a friendship, or close the
scroat. Do the wild thing, do it, doing it, doing the nasty, the
nasty,
the old in-out in-out, dip the wick, dip the stick (or if you're with
a
moron you could stick the dip). Wet the noodle, check the oil, check
the
temperature, give her the pork sword injection, or the hot beef
injection, depending on your religion. Or perhaps even commit assault
with a vein laden meat pipe (that's my favorite) You could give in,
give
it up, go for it, go for the gold, go for the gusto, go for broke, or
even go all the way, after all, it is the fastest way to the top. You
could engage in a fluid transfer, relieve some tension, relieve some
pressure, or experience a hormonal episode. it's a labor of love,
hanky
panky, and as a friend of mine once said "the noblest of all causes"
or....you could just FUCK
rubin
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The prostitute had an appointment with her psychiatrist. When she
entered at his office he asked her to lie on the couch.
"If you don't mind," she said, "I've been working all day. Do you mind
if I stand?"
One intimate question led to another and the prostitute and her
psychiatrist ended up on his couch in a very sexy session.
When it was over they lay silent for a moment and then both said
simultaneously, "That will be one hundred dollars, thank you."
Tony met a young woman in a bar. She accepted his invitation to go
back
to his apartment with him. After a few drinks and some soft music, he
suggested they retire to the bedroom, and the girl agreed.
Soon they were going at it hot & heavy, when all of a sudden, Tony
stopped dead, looked at her and said, "Hey, you don't have herpes, do
you?"
"No", she replied. "What would make you ask such a thing?"
"Thats a relief," said Tony. "The last girl didn't tell me till it was
too late!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bible Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home,
but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a card and wrote
"Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday,
he found that his card had been returned. Added to it
was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation,
he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and
knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the
garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
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LynnLynn's Links
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Surfin Surfari
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Mary's Gospel Midi Heaven
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Trojan horse attacks
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How Trojans Work
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Most Outrages TV Moments
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scotch Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he
pours
a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the
bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still
doesn't
believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-
year
old scotch.
Again, same reaction from the patron. Finally, the bartender is
convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch.
The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar
has
been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and
drunkenly
says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!"
The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out. "It tastes like piss,"
he shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: "It ish. How old am I?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay And Chat
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Queen and Weenie
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No Right Answer
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Cow Pranks!
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Good For you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The climax, when Josie engages,
Is postponed for what seems to be ages.
Out of self-preservation
And to banish frustration
She has three or four fellows--in stages.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a class, a teacher showed the students a brick and said,
"Now everybody will tell me what you think about when you see this
brick.""
I think of our heroic toilers who build communism using such bricks,"
one student said.
"Good. Now you, Sveta."
"I think about our heroic forefathers who used such bricks as a
weapon when they fought on barricades during the Revolution."
"Very good. Now you, Peter."
"I think of a pussy."
"And why, permit me to ask, are you thinking of such a thing when I
specifically showed you this brick?"
"No reason, I just always think of pussy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A college student picked up his date at her parents
home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to
take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she
ordered almost everything expensive on the menu.
Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally
he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at
home?"
"No, of course not," she said, "but my Mother's not
looking to get lucky, either."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1039
That's What's It's All About
Rudy: Dance lessons! Are you kidding me?
No way.
Katie: Yes, I have taken dance lessons Rudy
and you should do. We have the holidays coming
up in a few months and this is Oklahomas 100th
birthday and we should be invited to dances.
Sandi: It makes sense. I will joing. Ginger has
signed up already. Come on Rudy. I need a partner.
Rudy: Oh all right. I do have my Tux, spats, and
derby in my closet. When do we start?
Katie: In about one minute. Jacque is coming up
the driveway now. I paid him to teach the rest of
you how to dance. He is bringing Fifi along with him.
Rudy who has changed clothes is wearing his tux,
derby, spats and is looking quite dapper: Miss Sandi
may I have this dance?
Sandi: The pleasure would be mine sir.
Ginger: Katie, they sure dance well together.
Katie: Sigh, yes they do. They always ran well together,
now they dance well together. Sandi is doing a good job
of keeping her feet out of the way of Rudy's feet most of
the time...LOL.
Ouch owie.. Watch it you Oaf!
The herd in Guthrie-
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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