Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Well haying season is a mess this year. Those who harvested
early lost 30 per cent of the normal harvest because of five weeks
of drought proceeding harvest time and those who waited till July
have been plagued with rain and colder weather. Even with
crimping and other forms of processing the hay does have to reach
a certain moisture level before baling or mold or overheating to the
point of fire may occur. With round bales overheating is less of
a problem as the hay is left out in the field after baling so it has
more
room for air to circulate but overheating makes the hay inedible or
even poisonous. The early round bales that normally have a bright
green color, this year are brown and that was before being exposed to
weather which normally darkens the outside of the bale.
Although you could just write it off as bad luck for the farmers, it
boils
down to bad luck for all of us. With more agricultural land being made
available for bio-fuel production and more of the corn and grain crops
being used to produce ethanol the price of milk has already taken a
drastic
jump in the past few months. When the hay crop is reduced or of
poorer
quality that also drives the prices up on beef and dairy production.
When
you hear of droughts in Michigan or floods in Oklahoma most people
think
that no one lives there anyhow so why worry but it pops up when we
go to
the grocery store. Don't think that a meat-free diet is going to
protect you
either, vegetarians are getting the same price crunch from our weird
weather patterns. I don't mind seeing produce from South America, I
have
been eating it for years and have had more concern about veggies from
California than Argentina, but frankly if it says China on it I would
rather
do without. Even with the execution of their equivalent of the head
of the
FDA and thousands of rejections of export items this year they are
only
skimming the surface of the problem.
Well that's my crop report and rant for the morning, hope you are
enjoying
the weekend.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Law Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin
to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a
flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath :
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you
are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it
will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
arrive last..
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will
ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on
a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of
the
carpet/rug.
Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking
about.
Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Bill Armstrong
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Hand Job Aid
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Freezing
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Come On In
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I Think It Is Called A Scale
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Laughed His Ass Off
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Mae West Quote
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fish and Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
#19 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.
#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.
#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with
you once in a while.
#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.
#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,
you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you
become famous.
#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished
with long ago.
#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to
feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't
object if you Fish with someone else.
#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by
yourself. #9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to
wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood
to buy Fishing stuff.
#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office,
tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without
getting sued for Fishing harassment.
#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to
subscribe to the Playboy channel.
#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest
of your life.
#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses
interest in it.
#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to
enjoy your favorite activity.
#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just
Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bathroom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They
walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises
to a
peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind
but
I really do need to pee."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you
go
behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can
hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and
imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts
a
moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her
leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and
with
great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage
hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "Oh no, Mary! Did you have a sex change
operation?"
"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm taking a dump instead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Physical Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted
he join the Army. At the induction physical, the Army
doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye
chart across the room. "What chart?" the young man
asked.
"The one on the wall! "The doctor said.
"What wall?"
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor
asked his beautiful nurse to walk in Naked. "What do
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"Nothing."
"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said,"
but your indicator is pointing toward Ft. Jackson!.
Welcome to the Army son."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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BMW Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GLOSSARY OF TECHNICAL TERMS FOR BMW OWNERS
From BMW Headquarters
It has come to our attention that when we
receive orders for parts or enquiries from
those of you in the Midwest, especially
Yoopers, there is a lack
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terminology. Please find below a brief
glossary of terms which will make
international communication much easier for
all involved.
*INDICATORS = Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
*SPEEDOMETER = Der Egobooster
*PUNCTURE = Die Phlatte mit Bludyfucken
*LEARNER = Die Dumdkopf mit Elplatt
*ESTATE CAR = Die Bagsromm fur Shagginkinauto
*WINDSCREEN WIPER = Die Flippenflappenschit
*FOOTBRAKE = Der Edbangenonvindskree
*BREATHALYSER = Die Puffintem fur Pistenarsen
*SEATBELT = Der Klunkenklicken Frauleintrapper
*HEADLIGHTS = Das Dippendontdazzle Ubastud
*FOG WARNING = Die Puttenfutdownen Fukit
*HIGHWAY CODE = Der Wipen fur Arsen
*TYRES = Phlattfarts
*TRAFFIC JAM = Der Bluddinfukkin Damnundblasten
*BACKFIRE = Der Lowdenbangen Mekkenme Fuckenjumpen
*JUGGERNAUT = Der Fukkengret Trucken
*ACCIDENT = Der Bleedinmess
*NEAR ACCIDENT = Der Fucken Neer Shittenselfen
*CYCLIST = Pedalpushen Ninckenpoopen
*REAR VIEW MIRROR = Der Yokkhunter Tooklosen
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Puppy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and his son are walkin' down the street, when they see a big dog
doin'the dirty with a small poodle.
The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they doing???".
The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says, "Why, they're making a
puppy, son."
Later that evening during dinner, the wife is pressuring the man to go
'upstairs' with her...so they do.
The son goes in his room and tries to fall asleep, but there just is
too
much noise going on in the room next door. So he creeps out of bed,
goes in the hallway and opens the other room. There he sees his mom
laying on the bed on her back, totally naked, and his father above
her,
hands on her thighs, etc. etc.
So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?".
Again, the man stumbles a little and says, "Why, we're makin' you a
little brother or sister, son."
So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over. I want a puppy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Software Inspector
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Search Engine Colossus
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MIDI DataBase Rock
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Animal World
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
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Tantrum
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Amazing Child
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America's Funniest
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Biker Rack
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Ouch!
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Fertility Clinic
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Drink Sensibly
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El Nino
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Explain This
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Fe
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Bad Case Of Crabs
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Your Dog Will Love You More Immature Adult
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
T-Shirt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RECENT ORDERS TO TROOPS IN IRAQ (THOSE DARN TROOPS ARE SUCH RASCALS)
To: All Commands Subject:
Ref: ComMidEastFor Inst 16134//24 K
1. All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
2. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by
any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:
"Eat Pork Or Die" [both English and Arabic versions] "Shrine Busters"
[Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting
Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.] "Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy"
[Both English and Arabic versions] "Goat - it isn't just for breakfast
any more." [Both English and Arabic versions] "The road to Paradise
begins with me." [Mostly Arabic versions but some in English. Some
show
sniper scope cross-hairs] "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[Both Arabic and English versions] "Pork. The other white meat.'
[Arabic version] "Infidel" [English, Arabic and other coalition force
languages.] 3. The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post
Exchanges
upon Receipt of this directive.
4. The following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this
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"Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800
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"Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?"
5. All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training Upon
receipt of directive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz,
She said as he plunged in his putz,
"Do you love me dear Greeley?"
He answered, "Not really,
I just wanted to blow off my nuts"
____________
This beautiful harlot from Lubies,
Won fame for possessing two rubies.
It's not big red stones,
That makes her so known,
It's the nipples on her mountainous, white boobies!
____________
A beautiful harlot had great abilities
Famous for wearing two big rubies.
She'd paste two brilliant stones,
On her nipples, let out a few moans
And watch them dance on her boobies!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best Friend
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern furiously
pounding shots of whiskey. His friend happens to come into
the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've
known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take
a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass,
the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot
eyes, smiles and then slurs, "Not anymore... He is!"
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
"I think everyone's asleep, let's go"
"This one's empty ... no-one's looking... you go in first"
"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"
Sniff sniff
"Ah perfume - you think of everything"
"This is great....." (long sigh)
Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear
toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by
airline regulations.
condom off the smoke detector!"
Two Texans were out on the range talking about there favorite sex
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Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1028
New Games for Wet Times
Rudy: Okay girls here are your t-shirts.
BJ: What are you doing Rudy?
Rudy blushing..: Awh, we are going to have a
wet t-shirt contest pops. With all the rain we are
looking for something to do.
Ginger: What does Katie has written on the front
of her shirt mom?
Sandi: Front.
Ginger: Giggle giggle.
Katie: Hush, some of us are just slender.
Rudy: Hey, it is okay Katie.
Sandi: Yeah sis, it is fine. You have always been as
slim as chop sticks.
Katie: Thanks sis.
Rudy: Yeah, Sandi and I are always having to watch our
diet and you Katie, can eat anything and never put on an
ounce, how do you do it?
Katie: Oh just run 20 miles a day.
Sandi: Gasp! I can't ride in a car 20 miles.
Rudy: I can't climb 20 steps in a day.
BJ: See guys, everyone has their own thing they do.
Katie runs, Rudy defends, Sandi..... err ah sleeps.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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