Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Back when we were first married and when we were sitting around
at night when we moved back here, one of our major pastimes was
jigsaw puzzles. Sandy searched yard sales, swap meets, and thrift
stores and we usually never paid more than a dollar apiece for them.
We did everything from 500 to 2500 piece puzzles and although
the large ones sometimes took several weeks the small ones never
lasted an evening. Some puzzles were round, solid colors, or mazes
and we conquered them all in what I thought was a short time.
Last week someone sent me a lesson in humility, a puzzle from Jigzone
that was supposed to be a picture of a peacock. A friend had stopped
by and we were talking about puzzles so we dove into that puzzle. With
help I managed to complete the puzzle in 16 minutes 45 seconds and
gave myself a pat on the back. I scrolled down to where they give the
average solving times and the average was around 8 minutes and the
shortest time was 1 minute 45 seconds. That puts me I figure somewhere
in probably the lower 5 percentile of puzzle solvers. Oh well at least
I can credit myself with having the perseverance to finish the puzzle
especially when I should have been working on the ezines. Take
care and enjoy the weekend.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chocolate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chocolate vs. Sex.
1) You can GET chocolate even if you are ugly and fat.
2) "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with
chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being
called nasty names.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.
8) You can safely have a chocolate while you are driving.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during
working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can have chocolate any time of the month.
12) You don't get curly hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.
14) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face
slapped.
15) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
18) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
19) Good chocolate is easy to find.
20) With chocolate, size doesn't matter.
21) You can have some dark chocolate if you want something
different.
22) You can get creme filled chocolate and suck out the creme and
swallow it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
T Shirt Sayings
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Feel The Baby
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coyote Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the
brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just
as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy
runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind
legs and starts screwing it. 'Oh my God!' she exclaims and
drives into town to find the local law.
She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town
bar. 'It figures,' she says as she storms inside. The first
thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard
sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff
who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into
town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal...
and then... I come in here.... and see this old man in the
corner jacking-off right in public!!!!??
'Well, ma'am,' the sheriff slowly replies, 'You don't expect
him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Green Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest is hearing confession at his church in County Cork.
"Forgive me father" says the penitent, "for I have sinned. I am a
single
man and I have had sexfour times in the last week with Fanny Green"
He is blessed by the priest who tells him to say five Hail Marys and
go
in peace.
The next penitent arrives. "Forgive me Father" he prays, "I have
sinned.
It has been a month since my last confession and in that time I have
had
sex twenty times with Fanny Green"
The priest tells him to say five Our Fathers and ten Hail Marys and go
in peace
But the next parishioner comes to confess
"Forgive me Father, I am a married man. It has been two months since
my
last confession and in thattime I have had sex every day with Fanny
Green"
The priest by this time is very much perturbed but blesses the man and
sends him on his way. However he cannot but wonder about Fanny Green.
It
is, after all, only a small parish in which the priest knows every
soul.
But he has never, before today, heard of this Fanny Green.
Nonetheless, it's time for mass and the priest heads off to lead the
service.
Just as he is about to offer the host, the doors of the chuch burst
open, and a statuesque vision of loveliness the likes of which he has
never seen, walk into the church. She is dressed in green. Green
shoes,
green dress, green coat and a green hat, topped off with a green
feather.
This apparition confidently walks down the centre aisle to the front
pew
where she takes a seat an fixes the priest with a seductive
smile....all
the time her legs slightly just like that sinful hussy Sharon
Stone....and he can see...almost.
The priest is completely flustered and in the middle of mass too
He turns to the alter boy, wondering if this is the woman of whom he
has
heard in confession.
"Tell me, lad" he asks, "is tat Fanny Green?"
"Noooooo Father, I tink 'tis just t' reflection from her shoes"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert Irwin Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
How Christian Married Couples Can Have Great Sex.
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pap Smear Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PAP SMEAR
I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist.
Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell
me
that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m.
I had only just packed everyone off to work and school,
and it was already around 8:45 a.m. The trip to his office
took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when
making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make
the
full effort.
So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet
the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a
quick
wash in "that area" to make sure it was at least presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes,
hopped
in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was
called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure most of you do,
I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side
of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a
million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an
extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond.
When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief
and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some
shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.
After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing,
she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my
washcloth?"
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She
replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink.
It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just got off the phone with Paul Connor
and he was telling me about his new book about
winning any lottery of your choice.
Yes, I said Winning the Lotto.
At first I though he was joking, but when he told
me the amount of copies he was selling on a daily
basis and (after my jaw absolutely dropped) I was
convinced we are in the middle of a revolution.
He doesn't know how long he can offer this book, so I wanted to make
sure
you had your chance to read it before it's gone I am SURE you will
love it
:-)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jewish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish man was in St. Vincent's Hospital
recovering from an operation when a nun walked
into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick
and ailing. The man and nun started talking and
the nun asked about the man's life. The man
talked about his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children . . . You're
a good, proper Catholic family man. G-d is very
proud of you!"
"I'm sorry, Sister," the man said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."
"Jewish!?" she replies and immediately gets up to leave.
"Sister, why are you leaving?"
"I didn't realize I was talking to a sex maniac!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three years ago, after my divorce, I found myself
in the position of having to buy condoms,
something I hadn't had to do for better than
twenty years. The selection was overwhelming, and
I asked the pharmacy clerk for some help. He
extolled the virtues of latex, ribbed,
lubricated, colored, glow in the dark (assuming
you can't find it any other way), Magnum size (no
laughing), and more. At last, as he was running
out of breath, I asked which condom he
recommended.
He replied, "The condom made of lamb's intestine has a more natural
feel."
I said, "Not to us city boys!"
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated
exchange during a trial. The judge asked both
lawyers to approach the bench.
"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my
distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the
witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the
Bill of Rights."
"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."
Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?
Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says
you can't even tell me the first few words."
Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and
began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from
his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."
The doctor had just completed his examination of
the gorgeous red-haired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the
medic, as he regained some of his professional
dignity, "that you discontinue some of your
running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down
on your smoking, and above all you will have to
start eating properly and getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why
not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it
that you have the proper food and that you'll be
in bed by 9:00!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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This is very well done and worth saving for the sad occasion when
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Cat Door
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Frost Bites
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Cat Feeding Puppies
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Concealment
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tongue Tied Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to
Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman
wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater.
She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to
determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like
three
pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three
tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and
dimes."
Mortified, he too fled.
"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young
lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the
change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that,
when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his
Peter
at you."..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanging Around
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Headless
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Heart treatment
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His and Hers
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
____________
There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie".
You claim you're a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.
____________
There's a tavern in London that's staffed,
By a barmaid who's tops at her craft:
In her striving to please,
She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, 'Once upon a
time?'"
His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with 'I'll
be
working late at the office tonight.'"
"Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that ?"
"He used to."
"What made him stop ?"
"One day he told me he'd be working late, and I said, 'Can I depend
on
that ?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOP TEN REJECTED TITLES FOR BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN
10. "Not-That-There'
9. "Wyatt Slurp"
8. "For A Few Dollars More We Can Make It A Threesome"
7. "Long Ranger"
6. "Go West Young Man..Now South...a Little More South..OH GOD YES
RIGHT THERE!"
5. "Bunanza"
4. "The Good, The Bad, and the Fabulous"
3. "Broke My Back Mounting Him"
2. "Fun With Dick In James"
1. "Oklahomo"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1016
Canoe or Kanoe
Rudy holding Katie by the neck: I ought to punch you.
Katie: But I am your sister.
Sandi: Remember he who liveth by the sword, dies by the sword.
Rudy: I don't have a sword.
Ginger: Here Rudy, you can have my sword.
Katie gasping: Thanks kid..with friends like you...
Rudy: Okay Katie we will try it again. This time you and I row on
one side and Sandi and Ginger will row on the other side. I think we
can go pretty fast. There is a race at noon an the winner gets
1,000 dollars.
Ginger: Is that a lot?
Katie: It is enough to feed Sandi for a week.
Ginger: Wow!!!
Sandi blushing...: Well let's get ready.
Katie: As we are all rowing, I put a tape recorder at the rear of the
boat that will give us our cadence. If we just stay with the cadence
we will be okay.
Rudy: Okay girl, let's win.
Announcer: Okay,,, start!
Katie: With this remote control I start the cadence.
stroke! Stroke! stroke!
grunt! grunt! grunt
A sudden jerk of the boat and the tape starts to play faster
stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke!
Grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt!
Huff huff, huff!
Announcer: The skiff the dogs is pulling far ahead, but are
they using too much energy?
Then the batteries start to give out...
S---t--r--o-
Sandi: Everyone is catching up. Lean to it!
Rudy: Forget the tape player, a new chant.
Katie: Pizza! Pizza!
Grunt! grunt!
Huff!
Announcer: It is going to be close...the dogs are
dog tired, the Harvard and Cambridge teams are closing
and the winner is...
The dogs...
To be continued.
The herd in Guthrie
G
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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