[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips for Sat



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Myron sent the following which is good to know.

CARPENTERSVILLE, Ill. - Emergency dispatchers in
Carpentersville, Ill., say a child playing with a deactivated cell
phone dialed 911 emergency 287 times. QuadCom emergency
center dispatchers said the 4-year-old girl eventually
gave out her address when a dispatcher agreed to fill her
McDonald's order, the Elgin (Ill.) Courier-News reported
Thursday. However, the center sent police to the home
instead of cheeseburgers. Federal Communications Commission
regulations require deactivated cell phones to retain 911
capability -- a feature the child's mother said she was
unaware of, the newspaper said. However, since the phone
was deactivated, it did not give out a return phone number
or other information when the 911 calls were made. QuadCom
Executive Director Steve Cordes urged parents to be
cautious when giving children old cell phones to play with.
He said emergency workers must investigate the calls, even
if they seem suspicious. "You don't know if it's a real
call," he told the Courier-News. "You also have to stop
and take the 911 dispatchers away from handling bona fide
emergency calls." from Bizarre News

buffalo says I have one of those big button telephones in my room
that must look like a Fisher Price phone to the granddaughter because
she makes a beeline for it whenever she gets loose. I am glad that
the big
911 buttons are not programmed in or I am sure the police would have
been by here more than once for well being checks. As I have
mentioned
in the past I have accidentally punched in 911 hitting buttons at
random
trying to disconnect a modem with my telephone and they gave me a call
back to check what was going on.

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Salesman Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she
said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current
events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full
of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467.00" he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher..."How could you possibly sell
enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny.
"I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like shit!'.
Then I would say, 'It IS shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Faking It
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32152.htm

Welcome To Ontario
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31394.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31394.htm "> Here!</a>

Crowded Beach
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32154.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32154.htm "> Here!</a>

Tin Can Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32153.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32153.htm "> Here!</a>

Confusion
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/009.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/009.htm"> Here </a>

Just Ask
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/010.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/010.htm"> Here </a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spells that Work!

Spell to Get Measles
1. Find someone who has measles.
2. Lick them.

Spell to Turn Day Into Night
1) Stand facing a large tree or wall.
2) Close eyes tightly.
3) Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast
as you can.

Spell to Breathe Under-Water
1) Attach concrete block to your feet.
2) Jump into water.
3) Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper".
4) Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.

Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants
1) Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.
2) Drink.
3) Repeat steps 1-3.

Spell to Attract Lightning
1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf
clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hub-caps. Etc.
2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV
antenna high in the air.
3) Wait.

Spell to Stop a Runny Nose
1. Get two cotton balls.
2. Shove one up each nostril.
3. Tape them there.

Spell to Make a Person fall in Love with You
1. Call person at least thirty times a day.
2. Park outside their house and shut your headlights
off.
3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep (i.e.-roses without
petals, a nice headless Barbie doll...).
4. Follow them everywhere they go... careful, they'll
try to lose you!
5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order,
that means the spell is working!

Spell to Make Your Computer Fast
1. Open Window.
2. Throw Computer out window.
(If the computer hit ground really fast, the spell worked.)

Spell to Save on Gas
1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.
2. Remove shoes.
3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast.
4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!"
Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!

A Spell to Go to the Bathroom
1) Drink so much water that you think you will burst.
2) Drink another glass anyway.
3) Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of Pepsi.
4) Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the
spell's effect.

Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom
1. Eat a bushel of prunes.
2. Take a dose of Exlax.
3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!

WARNING:
Spells are not guaranteed. Use at your own risk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, dear what's it to be tonight?" said the amorous hubby.

"Hmmm....I'm in the mood for something special tonight, how about
turkey
style?" replied his mate.

"Turkey style? I've heard of 'doggy style,' but what in the world is
turkey style?"

"Gobble, gobble, gobble!"

~~~~~

Q: What did god say after making Adam?
A: I can do better.
Q: Then what did he say after creating Eve??
A: Fuck, guess I was wrong.

~~~~~

Little Johnny said to Suzi, "We're going to have
a GREAT time Saturday. I've gotten three tickets
for the big game."

"Why do we need three?" asked Suzi.

Little Johnny gave her an evil grin and said,
"They're for your Father, Mother and kid sister!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Goofy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, a Sultan was blessed with the birth
of a son after years of hoping. The boy immediately
became the apple of his father's eye.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan said
to him, "Son, I love you very much. Your birthday is
coming soon. What would you like?"
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own
airplane." His father bought him American Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan said,
"Son, you are my pride and joy. Ask what you want for
your birthday. Whatever it is, it's yours."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." His father
bought him the Princess Cruise Line.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan said,
"Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything
you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch
cartoons." His father bought him Disney Studios.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan said,
"Son, you are my life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask
what you wish. I will get it for you."
His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, "Daddy, I
would like a Mickey Mouse outfit and a Goofy outfit"
His father bought him the Democratic Party and CBS news.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Viagra Chips
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The wife of an older man is distraught because her
husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore.
She goes to her local doctor and explains the
situation, and the doctor just feels plain bad for her.

The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and
says, "Listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since
your husband's on his way out... Get this prescription,
and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed."
The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely.

Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how
it went. The lady blushes, smiles and says, "Well, I
put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we
just need an antidote now to close the coffin."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Bubba Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue
needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best
friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything
together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Daryl
said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him
over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer
in
to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup,
he's
pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town,
folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather's been cool down in Florida, and everyone's got their
windows open and the A/C shut off for a change.
-
I was trimming some hedges and couldn't help but overhear my
neighbors,
engaged in a real donnybrook of an argument.
-
The husband was as mad as hell, when he apparently just found out that
his wife had been cheating on him.
-
He shouted loudly at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
-
I almost lost it when I heard her scream back at him, "Second fiddle?
You're lucky you are even still in the band!"

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son,
14 year old Billy Bob, to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the
local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor. Bubba
introduces Billy Bob to the madam, and explains that it's time for his
indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "Bubba, you've been such a good
customer over the years, I'm going to see to your son personally." So
the madam takes Billy Bob by the hand and leads him upstairs, where
she
completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the
madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you
get the full treatment before you leave, I'm going to give you a
manicure too." Two weeks later Bubba and Billy Bob run into the madam
on
the town's main street. Billy Bob is acting a little shy, so the madam
smiles and says, "Well, Billy Bob, don't you remember me?" "Yes,
ma'am,"
the boy stammers, "You're the lady that gave me the crabs and then cut
off my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em."

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love
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Make Offer
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Mary022706110
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Love Men
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I can't tell
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interfacing
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rooster residing in Spain
Used to diddle his hens in the rain.
"I give them a bloody
Good time when it's muddy:
Which keeps them from getting too vain."

There was a young man named Zerubbabel
Who had only one real, and one rubber ball.
When they asked if his pleasure
Was only half measure,
He replied, "That is highly improbable."

There was an old fellow from Roop
Who'd lost all control of his poop.
One evening at supper
His wife said, "Now, Tupper,
Stop making that noise with your soup!"

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Preacher and the Wizard

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Klu Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot
tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I
want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and
this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit
this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart
you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop
traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the
sheets."

The congregation roared, and the preacher fainted.

Nick

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist
pulls out a freezing needle to
give the man a shot. "No way! No needles!". I hate needles the
patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man
objects. "I can't do the gas thing-the
thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a
pill. "No objection," the
patient says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The patient says, "Wow- I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't said the dentist, " but it will give you something to
hold onto when I pull your tooth."

Calif Jack

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1022

The New Terror in Town!!

Diana: Where's Katie she has eaten the cat food again?

BJ: It can't be her. She has been with me on my lap watching
TV.

Diana looking with blazing eyes: Then who?

BJ: Rudy has been asleep on the couch as has been Sandi.

Burp!

Diana: Ginger!!

Ginger: Gotta run....

Diana: Hey come back, you have my houseshoe in your mouth...
You you miscreant.

BJ: I think we have a new number one devil in the house.

Diana: Oh oh oh,... it used to be Katie...

BJ: Katherine has mellowed quite a bit. She is into watching
movies and jelling whereas...Ginger...well she is a puppy.

Rudy: Say isn't that Ginger with mom's bathrobe running across the
front yard?

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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