Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds a person down or polishes
a person up depends on what one is made of.
welcome to:
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!/Saturday
HELLO POSTMAN FANS!
Friday night here in beautiful God's country,,,West Michigan.
It was a sultry 80 degrees plus at 8pm, and for this neck of the
woods, at this time of year, remarkable!!! High school footballers
weather for sure! We are not foot ball fans. But the war dept.
loaded me and daughter up and went to a food truck event
down at the park. ....that phili cheese sub and mountain dew
did nothing for my boyish figure, but it tasted heavenly..Turk
the dog aka Carlos the rat was disappointed that he was not
invited on this trip as he enjoys the park but he is not a good
mix at food truck Friday. so we left him home this time.
Sadly, we only have a couple more weeks of food truck Friday
left and it will be done. The food trucks at the park will go home,and
every body will button up for winter. Brr. don't want to think about it!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________________
MEMES N TOONS
blue tooth
2 knights
one mile
my assistant is on it
escalated
is that a human
church mice
no poachers
cursive
vows of silence
a haunted house
flintstone vitamins
urology
Argentina
gravity
bedbugs
________________
JOKES
far away in the tropical island of the Carribean
be quiet in church
I'm really worried
doctor says I have a flucky
your cat learned the password
he went through a red light
3 nuns
you will never hear a woman say to another woman
how do you feel
SEX EDUCATION TEST
Directions: Please complete the following problems. You may use a
scratch piece of paper for your calculations which must be turned in
with your exam. SHOW ALL WORK! Use only a #2 pencil. You have
20 minutes to complete the exam.
1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
[True] or [False]
2. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
[True] or [False]
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
[True] or [False]
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
[True] or [False]
5. The clitoris is a type of flower.
[True] or [False]
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
[True] or [False]
7. Semen is a term for sailors.
[True] or [False]
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
[True] or [False]
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
[True] or [False]
10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
[True] or [False]
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
[True] or [False]
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
[True] or [False]
13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
[True] or [False]
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
[True] or [False]
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
[True] or [False]
16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
[True] or [False]
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
[True] or [False]
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
[True] or [False]
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
[True] or [False]
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
[True] or [False]
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
[True] or [False]
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
[True] or [False]
23. Pornography is the business of making records.
[True] or [False]
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
[True] or [False]
25. Douche is the French word for "twelve."
[True] or [False]
Time's up! Put your pencil's down. Turn your results in to your
significant other, so they know what they are dealing with.
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife
of 58 years had passed away.
He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship.
One day, as he was walking through a public park,
he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady
sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady
and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you."
The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white
haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly,"
and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down.
For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They
discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same
big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had had long happy
marriages and lost their spouses in the last year,
and in general agreed about almost everything.
Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly,
"Ma'am, may I ask you two questions?"
With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!"
The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it
out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down
on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've
only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much
in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?"
Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you!
You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on
the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me.
What is the second question?"
Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"
The Most Venomous Snake In The World
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius"
(Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less, with a highly venomous spit.
Size varies from 3 to 12 inches,
]\depending on its mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women,
in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling,
followed by excruciating pain after nine months.
The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear
lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable
disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery.
There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet, as the venom is too deep
in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and
ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim,
but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.
MILKING THE SNAKE:
1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely
on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active,
is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.
________________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
America's Funniest Home Videos (Nincompoop-A-Rama)
The Fighter Plane Powerful Enough to Destroy a Satellite in Space
The Glaring Engineering Mistake That Made Wind Turbines Inefficient
Walmart Mystery Secret Shopper Scam - I received $985 or did I?
Police Power Abuse On Camera
Hilarious Redneck Fails (November 2017) | FailArmy
Naga head hunters
The Sex Lives of Early Humans
Bear Rescued from Tiny Cage has the Best Reaction to Freedom
Instant Regret Compilation
________________
A LITTLE BIT OF HUMOR
dog philosophy
I snore so loudly
born to be wild
the Italian chef died
muggy out today
a french guy wearing flip flops
the rotation of the earth
started out with nothing
acid with attitude
at the institute of philosophy
mood swings
murphys law
no birds
home renovations
__._,_.___
Posted by: martin7957@yahoo.com
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