On demand, without apology

Surprise me View in browser May 17, 2019 Is this the creepiest bathroom stall I've ever been in, or a metaphor for legislators prying into women's private spaces?    This week A cool thing happening this week is that state legislators who don't want to guarantee paid family leave, make contraception more accessible, provide universal health care, subsidize child care, or invest in early childhood education have decided to ban abortion. [Yes, I'm being sarcastic. No, I don't think this is cool.] This is not really a new development, but there is a lot of warranted attention and anger on this issue right now. So I'm adding my voice to the chorus of people questioning the right of a small group of financially secure politicians (most of them men who will never be pregnant) to pass laws that have no moral coherence and put the lives of low-income people and people of color at greater risk. See my endorsement section below for things to do about it. I was on Marketplace radio talking about my estate sales essay from a few weeks ago. I offer a tidbit of advice to my younger self on Cup of Jo. And on Call Your Girlfriend, we celebrate our fifth anniversary with a highlight reel. Can't believe our podcast is a kindergartner now. I'm reading They'll tell you the religious right coalesced around abortion, but it was really segregation. A brief history of bullying white women to have babies. U.S. public schools are increasingly segregated. Who gets to call herself a single mom? On being an old mom. A descendant of enslaved people once sold by Georgetown University wants the institution to atone. How a flight attendant became a formidable labor leader. "I wanted a burrito, but got this brain injury instead." A reckoning with masculinity. On Al-Anon and addictions that can't be detected in the blood. John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court's worst decision of his tenure. I really enjoyed the NYTimes package on the cultural touchstones of Gen X. The last five Glamour Shots locations in America. An excellent profile of Tracy Morgan. "How do you change an industry that will not stop, not even to catch its breath?" Inside the quest to age but stay young. The last of the hobos. What happens when you put a classroom on wheels and park it in a low-income area? What does it mean when a neighborhood loses its library? The rise of the celebrity prayer candle. Business casual is a Patagonia vest. It's ok to dislike things. Everything is breakfast food. Members only This newsletter is a bargain at $5/year! Become a paying member and you'll see a pie chart in this space every Friday.  I'm looking & listening Rebecca Traister explains Alabama's abortion ban. FANNY, one of the most important American rock bands of the 1970s you've never heard of. Aretha Franklin's Amazing Grace. On starving poets and Universal Basic Income. I loved Gaby Dunn's conversation with Rachel Sherman, who studies affluent people, about wealth and shame. The stats on postponing parenthood. Debbie Millman on Hurry Slowly talking about the speed of success and fulfillment. GIFspiration I am really deriving so much pleasure from Tuca and Bertie. I endorse Donating to the Yellowhammer Fund, a reproductive justice nonprofit in Alabama, or sending them a few items off of their Amazon wish list. You'll notice it contains a lot of maternity and infant care items, because they truly support all choices a pregnant person might want to make. Checking out this state-by-state resource guide. Watching, with one eyebrow raised, this video of two men experiencing a labor-pain simulator. Listening to this episode of Call Your Girlfriend from a few months ago, in which we talk to activist Renee Bracey Sherman about the state of reproductive justice in America and also interview Judith Arcana, who was part of a collective that provided abortions in the years before Roe. Indulging in a hearty "HELL YES!" at this pie chart, which I did not make but I deeply appreciate. Getting interested in 2019 state-level elections, because we desperately need to elect people who believe in bodily autonomy. Sister District is a really good place to start if you want to help make a strategic shifts in state legislatures. You've got answers What's a piece of advice we received from a nurturing authority figure that we didn't accept at first, but have come to see as brilliant? If you find a bra that you love, buy a second one. You're not a rock star. No on is looking at you. Go out and do what you want, because no one else is thinking about it as much as you are. Wear some color, god damn it. Always sit down in pants you are trying on to make sure your butt crack doesn't appear. "To have a friend, you have to be a friend." I used to roll my eyes at this one. Being the first to reach out is sometimes out of my comfort zone, but it really is important especially when our lives can get busy/chaotic. You have one mouth and two ears so listen twice as much as you speak. "A place for everything, and everything in it's place (in spanish). It's so simple. I didn't appreciate it as an angsty teenager. As an adult, I love that if I need something, I know exactly where to find it in my home. No eating in bed! Telling someone that you're having diarrhea is the ultimate 'get sick quick' excuse. Don't pick at your face. "Don't do drugs to make a bad time good, do drugs to make a good time better." Don't get dreads (note: I'm white) Don't overpluck your eyebrows! [Ed. note: I cannot believe how many of you received this advice!] Do the have-to-do things first. You won't get along with everyone. Also, walk fast. Always bring a jacket.  Always help (not just offer to!) do the dishes after a meal at someone's house You're going to work for a lot of years. It's not only ok but probably preferable to have more than one career. Continue with piano lessons.  It isn't a deal if you won't use it/wear it (i.e. don't buy the on-sale thing just because its on sale; its only worth it if you love it!) Never trust HR. Look it up in the dictionary. Let people break up with you. Tbh, there are a lot of situations where this is applicable. Bottom line is when someone is telling you that the relationship is not working for them, believe them and go with your dignity. Think positively! Especially when looking for a parking spot. It says more about them than it does about you. My friend lost her Dad when we were 19. I felt too awkward to call her and didn't know what to say. My mother advised me that calling was more important than having the right thing to say - as there is not right thing to say. She told me that people stop calling and I should never be one of those people. Move a little slower. “Nobody has their shit together.” I’ve held onto this like a song in my heart for a decade, and it reminds me that no matter what front folks put on, they probably have none more of their shit together than I. “Learn Excel!”—she said. “It’s an amazing tool!”—she insisted. Guess who hated it 15 years ago and swears by it now? "What is for you won't go past you." If you want more unsolicited advice from other people's caregivers, here are all the hundreds of answers for your perusal. Next week's question is snack-centric:   What's your #1 Trader Joe's item? >> Click here to answer. << The Classifieds Love the Bachelorette? Hate the Bachelorette? Addicted to the Bachelorette but horrified as a feminist? We’ve got the podcast for you! Want a weekly essay on meaning, work, authenticity, relationships + navigating the windy path of life? Sign up here! Join LMHQ on 5/21 for The Power of Friendship: Women Supporting Women w/Jamia Wilson + Vanessa Valenti + invest in meaningful relationships. Tired of reading—and caring—about the latest serums and routines? Want to complicate the skincare conversation? Sign up for Skin Stories. Do you avoid conversations that involve critical feedback, disagreement, or saying no? Yeah, us too. So we invited Diana Adams, educator & mediator, for Courageous Conversations for Women: Transforming Conflict into Understanding. Join us June 7-9 at Omega's Hudson Valley campus. These ads are perfect for small businesses and side projects! Click for rates and info. Testimonials "clearly it's that time of week where I just tweet a bunch of articles from @annfriedman's newsletter but they're so good!" -Kari Paul. These links are 100% recyclable. 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