Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am back with no explanation of where I have been for the past
week although most of it seemed to involve sleeeping or watching
reruns of crime shows. The urge to dive into the chips just hasn't
been there but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad for ltting down
those that send material or wait for their jokes and I don't believe
the time is here to give up on the chips. We will just have to wait
and see.
I felt the need tp publish today because of three remebrances
that I consider important. The first of course is the rmembrance of the
29 sailors that died aboard the Edmund Fitzgerald during an early
November storm. The men of the Merchant Marine have risked their
lives day after day in times of war and peace ensuring a flow of
supplies
and raw materials from around the world but some of the most treacherous
sailing is is only a short distance away from me. RIP
The next event was the 236th birthday of the USMC. Even though I deeply
respect the US Army, I do sleep just a little bit better when I know the
Marines are on the job.
Most important, no matter whether you call it Remembrance Day,
Armistice Day, or Veteran's Day, it is good to remember all those who
have served so that we can be free and to Thank them for their service.
I have seen speeches for the Marine Corps birthday and Veteran's
Day by our President and was glad to see that he is doing the things we
would expect the commander to do. During the Retiring of the Colors at
Arlington today he had his hand over his heart but I would hav rather
they
had shown the cermony itself and not just the reviewing stand.
Take care and stay out of trouble because I won't be awake to bail you
out.
buffalo
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Island Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A jetliner crashes on a desert island. The two survivors, Madonna and
Sarah Palin, go many days without food.
"I know," says Palin, holding up her copy of Going Rogue, "We can eat my
book."
Madonna tears out some pages and chews hungrily. "Boy, this book is
shit."
"Well, I didn't really write it. Hell, I have enough trouble just
speaking, much
less writing something. I did this on the fly."
"I've done it many times on someone's fly and it was better than this,"
says Madonna as she searches around the ground and unearths a giant
conch
shell. She brushes off the sand and a genie pops out.
The grateful genie grants each woman one wish.
Madonna says, "I wish I was on stage in Lincoln Center and with each
note
that I
sing, the men would fall deeper in love with me and the women would
idolize
me even more."
And poof! Madonna disappeared.
Palin looked around, dismayed. Teary-eyed, she takes off her glasses
and
says,
"Gee, I'm so lonely by myself. I wish Madonna was back."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman took an inexperienced man home one night. When they got to
her apartment, she suggested that they try a 69. "What do you mean?"
he asked. Not knowing quite how to explain, she said "you put your
head between my legs and I'll put my head between your legs" Still
unsure but willing, he agreed. As soon as he got his head between
her legs, she let out a rip-roaring fart. "What the hell was
that?!?" he asked. "Oops! I'm so sorry! Let's try again" she said.
On the second attempt the very same thing happened. The man
immediately got up and started getting dressed. "Where are you
going?" she asked, to which he replied "If you think I'm sticking
around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!
A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the
difference between singular and plural. She said, "What do you call
it if one woman looks out a window?" Charlotte said, "Singular." The
teacher said, "That's right Charlotte. Now, what do you call it if
three women are looking out of a window?" Little Johnny raised his
hand and blurted out, "A whorehouse!"
Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local
minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, "My,
Farmer Petrovich, you're certainly giving that sheep a beating. You
wouldn't do that to your wife, would you?" The farmer says, "I would
if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to mount her!"
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Hinckley Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged
young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.
Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster,
extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster
to the point that to make himself well known to her,
he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having
been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the
following letter from Nancy Reagan sent to Hinckley at the
mental facility where he is being treated:
To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan
My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you
how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in
your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding
and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan
consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.
The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is
borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above
all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have
driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident
that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to
your family to join the world again as a healthy and
productive young man.
Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family
P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has
been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado.
You might want to look into that.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance
blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other. One
day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to
consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very 'tight', and difficult
to 'enter', but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says
to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more
time!" To which Jane replies "If I'd have known you had more time, I
would have taken off my pantyhose!"
On Saturday nights, Arabs sit under palm trees and eat their dates
Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening
progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her. After
some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object
to making love?" "That is something I have never done before," Jill
replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was
amazed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"
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Pee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish Bubbah had waited a long time for a male grandchild. After
four girls, there was a boy. She doted on him. On his fourth
birthday she took him to Coney Island. After many rides, toys and
treats, Bubbah noticed that her little ainicle (grandchild) was
uncomfortable. She asked him what was wrong.
He replied, "Ich darf pisshen" (I need to urinate).
Looking around, she could see no bathroom available so she took the
little boy into a narrow alley between two buildings, took down his
pants and, as he peed, began to kvell (express a special joy that
could come only from one's offspring).
She said repeatedly, "A leiben aff don petzele!" (Bless your little
penis.) "S'hut vert a millyun dollas!!" (It's worth a million
dollars).
While she doted with overflowing satisfaction on her evaluation, a
man opened a window in the nearby tenement, looked down and called,
"Lady, efsher ihr vilt aroof koomen, mir gib'n a! ! n estimate?"
(Perhaps you would come up here and give me an estimate?)
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LynnLynn's Links
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Movie Links
But I could Be Wrong
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1222.htm
Cabbies Worst Passengers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1223.htm
Candle In The Wind
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1224.htm
Card Trick Joke
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CC
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Copperfield Hans Betsy
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Costa Rica Vacation
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Cowboy
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Jane Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts. She never had a
boyfriend so she went to a Psychic for help.
"Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this
life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman
and all men will fall at your feet."
Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she
thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."
She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses
and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being
able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started
touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with
a huge smile on her face,
"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Short Of A Threesome
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XBox
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Efficiency
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Second Opinion
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Second Hand Smoke
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2 Thongs
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A horny young blond from Vancouver
Liposuctioned herself with a Hoover
Despite the seduction
Achieved by the suction
Was generally thought to improve 'er
In Las Vegas a maiden named Carol
Was arrested for wearing a barrel.
She'd not drawn the joker
While playing strip poker
And lost all her other apparel.
There once was a man named Bill
Who had a loyal wife named Hill
He played harmonica,
Made love to Monica
And now he's in for the kill!
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was going over the expenses for their upcoming wedding.
The groom-to-be says, "$6,800 for a dress that's only going to be
worn ONCE? What's up with THAT?!"
"Who says it's only going to be worn once?" asked his fiancee.
"Oh? You're planning to get married again? Gee, thanks."
"That's not what I meant." she said.
A bit angrily, he responded with "You know you can't wear white
the second time, anyway!"
Containing herself, she replied, "No, but I do plan to have a
daughter. She'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a
daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter
will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom."
"Ha!" he said. "I'll bet your mother never bought such an
extravagant dress."
"Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" she said smugly.
"Yeah?" said he. "Then why don't you wear hers?"
She replied, "Who wants to get married in THAT old thing?!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2016
Halloween
Diana soon notices it is only her and Katie....
Meanwhile in the other room...
BJ: Vampires...
Rudy: Yeah, that's what I am talking about, maybe
a Zombie.
Val: Being a Mummy would be okay with me.
Sandi: I always like the werewolf legends.
Mark/Mouse (the newest cat): We like to be cat monsters.
BJ: Being a ballerina at Halloween is simply unconstitutional.
Unless he or she was a vampire ballerina.
Rudy: Now that would be okay. Dance into the crowd and start
to rip people apart, yeah that would be cool.
BJ: Maybe we could be a family of zombies.
Rudy: I vote for it.
Sandi: Me to.
Cats: Count us in.
Val: I am hip.
To be continued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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