Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Like most people the news of an approaching Pandemic
of Avian Flu for the past 5 years or so has at times
terrified or bored me. One day it will be imminent
and the next no one knows for sure if it will ever
mutate past chickens and attack humans in any large
numbers. It is serious business and within three days
of being exposed you will be cured or dead. I was
listening to Coast to Coast last night and their
Guest Gary Ridenour M.D. was discussing what a
pandemic would be like. There is some good news for
the baby boomer bunch this time. This virus strain
affects those with healthy immune systems the most
and the body's defense system attacks healthy
lung tissue along with the virus. This means those
aged 20 to 40 are at greatest risks. The best defense
would be to stay inside for 8-10 days till the worst
is over but with the large number of workers affected
we would probably lose water, electricity, and heat
and as these outbreaks hit here in winter we would
be in trouble. I also found the information on the
last large outbreak in 1918 that killed millions,
interesting. It killed millions beginning in the
army camps in Kansas. Can you imagine returning from
WWI and avoiding death in the trenches from mines,
machine guns, and poison gas and being felled by a
virus to small to see.
On the good side every day with out an outbreak
brings scientists closer to a vaccine and a cure
for all flu.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend
an
afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own
drinks,
but were unsure of the hotel's policy.
My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was
familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right
if he brought a Playmate to the pool.
After a pause, the clerk asked, "Does she have her own towel?"
~~~~~
A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening
planned for him and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies
but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along. Finally he makes
a
deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of
their
house, the father will give the boy $5 bucks for every man he sees go
by
in a red hat. A while later the little boy comes running into the
house
and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts "Dad, if you think your
getting
fucked in there, you'd better come outside, there's a Shriner
convention
going past.
~~~~~
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of
expensive
imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you
wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping
on
a dead beaver."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moanin' Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a
beer and bragging about his sex life. Moanin' says, I have great sex
with my wife. She's very vocal, she can really rattle the windows, and
most of it really turns me on. I love it when she screams, 'Harder!' I
love it when she screams, 'Faster!' "Man, you lucky dog! Says his one
buddy. But come on and tell the truth, isn't there sometimes a problem
with your sex life?" "The only problem I have..." Moanin' said
dejectedly, "Is when she screams, ....'Deeper!
~~~~~~~
Mike: Do you remember first meeting your wife?
John: Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her
to
her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would
begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again.
Mike: Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her.
John: Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began
his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when
his cell phone rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a
terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the
he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was
leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He
decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the
hospital. He ended up finishing all eighteen. He finished his round
shooting a personal best 61 shattering the club record by five
strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10.
He was jubilant, then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he
dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked
about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished
your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! Its just as
well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more
than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will
require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor started to snicker and said, "Just kidding! She died more
than two hours ago. What'd you shoot?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fat Head Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband, wife and a son walk into an
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Then the dad slaps his son in the back
of the head and says, "What do you want,
fat head?"
The lady helping them says, "Why did
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call him fat head?"
The husband says, "There are three things
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The second thing in life a man wants is a
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The third thing in life a man wants is a
nice tight pussy, and I had that until fat
head came along!!!
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Bank Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
window, "I want to open a God damn checking account!"
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must
have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it." he replies. "I said I want to open a God
damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language
in this bank." Angrily closing her window, the teller rushes over
to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems
to be the problem here?"
"There's no freakin' problem, you shithead!" the man spews, "I
just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open
a God damn checking account in this God damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager, ". . . and this bitch is giving you a
hard time?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One fine day, I was about to enjoy an "afternoon delight" with a
gentleman I knew. We'd been at it pretty hot and heavy on the couch
when someone knocked at my door. I got up to peek out, and saw that
it was no one of importance, but when I looked back, by gentleman
friend was GONE!
Calling his name, I finally found him standing in my bathroom, still
totally nude, but holding his sneakers in one hand. "What on Earth
are you doing standing here holding your shoes?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "you never know when you might have to run!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Ass Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party.
While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became
unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress. She asked the
Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her. He was very
embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached
cautiously down the back of her gown.
"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it." Try
further down," she said. At this point he noticed that he was being
watched by everyone in the room, which made him feel most
uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect
ass."
"Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the necklace."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lady wasn't even in the mood
The first time she saw a man nude,
When asked if she'd like sex
Thought it couldn't be complex
And just sat on what she saw protrude
***
The lady was ready to entice
She said once a night was quite nice
And doing it twice was surely no bore
But she really prefered three times or more
Addin' Tabasco to whipped cream for spice
***
They said the guy was an odd sort
Not a dwarf but incredibly short
When finally able to get a gal in bed
It's been told that in total awe she said
"My God! That's not a dick it's a wart"
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penny dropped in on her neighbor and found her sitting
at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty
cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
The neighbor told her that she had "morning sickness."
Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you
were pregnant again!"
"I'm not," the harried young woman replied, "I'm just
sick of mornings."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father from Europe is visiting his son in America for the
very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up
and down the aisles.
Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have
fresh orange juice!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says:
"Und vas dis, powdered milk?"
Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh
milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says:
"Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da
fun outta making everyting!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1190
Rudy and Pops
BJ: Katie have you seen Rudy?
Katie: Oh yes, he is in the sewing room I believe.
BJ: Mumble ....
BJ walks over to Rudy..: Rudy how about you and I going on a
little road trip?
Rudy: For how long?
BJ: A few hours.
Rudy: I don't know, my quilting bee starts tonight and I don't want
to miss the first one.
BJ: I am going to Edmond to the Hound Dog Inn where we used to
go after school for some brews.
Rudy: I don't know if the misses would like that.
BJ: She has given full blessings to our trip.
Rudy: Okay, let's go.
Later at the Inn...and after a few..
Rudy: So there I was surrounded by a pack of wild dogs and all I
could
do was fight my way out of there...Burp!
BJ: And fight you did.
Rudy: Right...boy those were the days.
BJ: And you used to chase rabbits...
Rudy: Gosh, you are right. They tasted good to. I had forgotten
how well they tasted especially after a good chase.
BJ: You used to guard our house all night outside.
Rudy: Yeah, to keep the racoons, and critters away. Gulp! I think
I have been falling down the job lately pops.
BJ: I think you have been changing one step at a time and over
time you have changed more than you have realized.
Rudy: Golly, you are right...
I need to re-think things.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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