Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A little story from the archives for you as we watch
the 45 mph gusts blow the trash cans around. We lost
one this morning that departed the block after trash
pick-up but within a half hour we had two more in the
yard I never saw before.
On the subject of toast, they never taught you this in Chemistry
class so I thought I'd fill you in.
I really like toast and I like my toast crisp on the outside but
tender on the inside well buttered with that Brummel & Brown butter
with yogurt and just a light layer of jam or jelly so I can taste the
three separate tastes as I bite through it. The wife however likes
to coat thick layers of jam or peanut butter on her toast leaving
your mouth asking the question, " Was there something crispy in
there?"
The problem that many are experiencing with the wide mouth toasters
and toaster ovens is excessive dryness in the toast when the bread
reaches the right color. Let's look at the chemistry of the whole
thing.
A toaster works by applying radiant heat directly to a bread slice.
When the bread's surface temperature reaches about 310 degrees
Fahrenheit, a chemical change known as the Maillard reaction begins.
Sugars and starches start to caramelize -- turn brown -- and to take
on intense flavors. That's toast.
With more heating, the sugars and underlying grain fibers start
turning into carbon. That's burnt toast.
--From a Consumer Reports test on toasters, June 1990 So what I think
that is happening is that with the new wide slot toasters that work
on bagels etc. the toast sits at a further distance away from the
heating elements and heats the whole slice as it toasts it drying it
out before the surface temperature reaches 310 degrees. It is also
possible that they have lowered the heat that the elements put out to
prevent fingers from getting burnt if they touch the outside of the
toaster. My last toaster had a sheet of plastic on the case that you
were supposed to remove before you used it and it never was removed
and never melted. Oh well guess I am stuck with light brown toast or
stuff that shatters when you drop it.
Anyone out there want to invent a variable width toaster where the
elements travel along with the toast rack thereby keeping the
distance constant or maybe a toaster with sensors and servos and a
Pentium 4 processor running Windows TO which is Windows for
toasters. I can see the warning messages now .. Your toaster
performed an illegal operation and had to be shut down.
Please reboot and try again with two fresh slices of bread. Windows
TO has determined the bread you were using was not windows
compatible. The Linux community would come out with their own
toasting software called Utoastu with a symbol of a penguin carrying
a platter of perfectly brown toast but everytime you had a different
type of bread you would have to get the open source community to
write a new application for it..
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New golf Terms
(1) A "Paris Hilton,"-- an expensive hole
(2) A "James Joyce,"-- an impossible read
(3) A "Rock Hudson,"-- looked straighter than it was
(4) A "Cuban,"-- needed one more revolution
(5) An "Elton John,"-- a big bender that lips the rim
(6) A "Monica Lewinsky"-- all lip, no hole
(7) A "Lou Gehrig,"-- a dead Yank
(8) A "German,"-- a hookenflecker
(9) An "Adolf Hitler,"-- two shots in the bunker
(10) A "Saddam Hussein,"-- from one bunker straight into another
(11) A "Yasser Arafat,"-- ugly and in the sand
(12) A "Kate Winslett,"-- little bit fat but otherwise perfect
(13) A "John Kennedy, Jr.,"-- didn't make it over the water
(14) An "Elephant's Ass,"-- it's high and it stinks
(15) A "Rodney King,"-- over-clubbed
(16) An "O.J. Simpson,"-- got away with it
(17) A "Princess Grace,"-- should have taken a driver
(18) A "Princess Di,"-- shouldn't have taken a driver
(19) A "George W.,"-- steadily fading
(20) A "condom,"-- safe, but didn't feel very good
(21) An "Anna Kournikova,"
(22) A "Brazilian,"
(23) A "Rush Limbaugh,"-- too far to the right
(24) A "Nancy Pelosi,"-- too far to the left
(25) A "Nelson Rockefeller"
Dennis
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Feather Falling Out
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Feeding Time
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Feel The Power
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Turn Down That Thermostat
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First Kiss
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Fish Cat
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comforting thoughts...
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at
the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the
tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to
blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for
it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS"
together it spells "Theirs."
I hope these were comforting to you...
"It's never too late to realize what's important in your life, and
fight for it"
Julie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a
local
newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement in the
'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion."
"You don't say," said Jill. "Well then, here's $20 and to hell with
the
advertisement!
~~~~~
I went into a liquor store the other day without my ID, and the clerk
asked me, "Are you 21?"
At first I was flattered when he asked for an ID. I told him I had not
brought it because I thought I looked over 21. Then he asked me to
smile, so I grinned at him. He stuck his face over the counter, peered
at me closely, and just handed me the bottle.
I asked, "What were you looking at?"
He said, "Your crow's feet."
I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show you
my
sagging breasts?"
~~~~~~~
Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife
lying
in bed naked with large hickies all over her neck and big red bruises
and red welts all over her breasts. She had obviously been ravaged in
sexual passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the nightstand
next
to the bed. He screamed at his wife, "What is going on here? Who did
this to you?"
His wife calmly and innocently said, "No one, Doug, Whenever I try to
smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wedding Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Bureau of Meteorology forcasts rainstorms so the bride can expect
a
few good inches overnight.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get
to prove it."
Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans
sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and
Groom Mounted.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and
She'll last for many years.
Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to
the woman next door.
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on
her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an
Off-Spring next Spring.
Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One
long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky,
but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Travel Agency to Bride:
The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express
an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and
frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you
the
inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the
population.
Football coach to bride:
If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him
off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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True Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was managing a 16 unit apartment complex in San Diego that was
furnished apartments because most of the tenants were Navy people
without furniture. I had a two Navy WAVEs move into one apartment and
as things progressed one got married and the other moved out. The
remaining tenant asked me to remove the couch from their apartment as
they were buying a living room set. I told her no as I had no place
to store a couch and the woman went over my head and contacted the
owner who in turn contacted me and told me to take the couch out and
bust it up and put it in the dumpster and if we were to rent the
apartment again to someone without furniture she would find another
couch I was miffed that the woman went over my head and that I had to
break up the couch but I did as I was told, putting the couch upside
down on the dumpster and hitting it with a sledge hammer. After a
half dozen whacks a massaging device of the 9 inch, rubber coated, G-
spot type fell out of the couch. It seemed only fair that I return it
to the owner so taking a piece of drapery pull cord I tied a standard
13 knot noose and placed said massager in the noose. As the tenant
was out of town on honeymoon for the weekend I attached it to her
doorknob and left a note saying, found this in your couch, figured
you wanted it back. Judging by the cold stares I got from her after
that she wasn't amused and her husband brought the rent over each
month after that.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 16 year daughter shows up in the house really late after
her first date. Her angry mother asks her where the hell
she's been all night.
"Mom, I think I am in love!"
"What do you mean, it was your first date with this guy!"
"Yeah, but I sucked his dick and then he fucked me in the
ass."
"That's not love, my little one, that's lust. When you first get
fucked in the ass and then suck his dick.... that's love!"
A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a
T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee-
shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant
'Tits Go In Front'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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For those that feel the need to keep an eye on things while they are
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Movies
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Unpleasant Surprise While Refueling
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Can't Frown
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Shell
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Border Patrol
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is an old hermit named Dave,
Who keeps a dead mower in his cave.
Since he can't cut the grass,
Now it's up to his ass.
(His donkey, you censors; behave!)
There was a woman I use to see
Who loved to come play with me.
She was always at best,
When we did it without rest
We practiced so that it worked perfectly
Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
Murmured she, with a laugh,
"It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playboy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playboy Specialty Issues That Never Made It
- Girls With Gingivitis
- The "Women" of The Crying Game
- The Women of Home Depot
- 1960's Playmates Grown Old and Wrinkled
- The Girls of Rehab
- Constantly Angry Women
- Girls You Wouldn't Date if You Were the
Only Man Alive
- The Women of Circus Sideshows
- Drab, Unsexy Lingerie
- Old Women in Parkas
- Playmates Receiving Oscars
(Special April Fool's Issue)
- Invisible Women
- Girls Who Fell and Can't Get Up
- Women of Wal-Mart
- Women Racked With Self Doubt,
Feelings of Abandonment,
PMS and Inner Torment
- Chain Smoking Ladies
- Girls Gone Psycho
- "Does This Look Infected?" feature issue
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow
workers, a secretary from our office who runs
regularly was especially motivated to get to the
gym after work.
Our boss, who had also enjoyed the good food,
suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As
she was leaving the office, she called to the boss,
"Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll
be on your lap in half an hour!"
This time, realizing what she'd just said, her face
turned red *before* her workout.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young blonde secretary was describing her evening exploits to a
friend. "After dinner,"she said, he wanted to come back to my
apartment, but I refused,. I told him that my mother would worry if I
did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said,
approvingly. "Then what happened?" He kept insisting, and I kept, and
I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve
did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his
apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."
Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1194
There's a Song in my Heart
It is 3am, Sandi is ... well... doing her Z's.
BJ is in sync with Sandi. Katie is under the covers sound asleep.
Rudy is well, feeling rather well. In fact he is wanting to sing..
Rudy: Shine on Shine on Harvest Moon....
Katie: What? A siren?
BJ: Did someone step on a cat's tail?
Sandi: Someone is dying!
The three get up and see Rudy doing a soft shoe and singing.
Diana and the cats are at the top of the stairs looking down at
Rudy who is by the front door doing his thing and BJ and the girls
are at the base of the stairs looking up while Rudy continues his
softshoe.
Diana: Rutherford, what are you doing at 3am?
Rudy: I think it is called the Manhattan shuffle.
BJ: I don't care if it is called the New Orleans waltz, get your
behind
to sleep.
Rudy: Can't, when the moon is up, I need to sing and dance. It is
in my blood.
Sandi: Husband, you want blood?
Rudy: Going to bed dear.
Sandi: That's a good hubby.
The herd in Guthrie
(for real, every night about 3am, Rudy will come into my room and
start to 'sing' to me. I have to tell him to go to sleep, which he
does.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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