THE POSTMAN
So I am in the habit of rewarding Turk the dog aka Carlos
right when he does his business, right? He comes in from outside and he
knows the scoop. Treats are kept on top of the fridge, and he comes in
and parks himself there, looking up, licking his chops. So the other day, there
were a few potato chips on the kitchen table. So, instead of a "treat" I
threw a handful of chips on the floor thinking he would like the change. He
did, in fact, wolf them all down quickly. But after they are gone, I look and
there he is, staring up at the fridge, still licking his chops. The look on his face,
"Ok fat boy, the chips were good, but I wanna have a proper treat"
Gotta love dogs:)
ENJOY THE JOKES
In the middle of his sermon, the visiting Minster stopped, and
called one of the ushers. He pointed to a man in the 5th row.
"That man is sound asleep, go and wake him."
The usher shook his head and said, "Wake him yourself, you put him
to sleep!"
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a (ok)
lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost
230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with
at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility
to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only
sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend
of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and
he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore
trying to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the
mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the
blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000
miles on it!"
Norman and his blonde wife live in Maryland One winter morning while
listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to
have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even
numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are
eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5
inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side
of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes
out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio
announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You
must park...........", then the electric power goes out.
Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Norman says,
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
A blonde's car breaks down on the M25 one day.
So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the boot.
Out of the boot jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the
vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their
coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this motorway
occurs.It's not very long before a police car shows up.
The copper, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle
yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts
doing here by the road?" asks the old bill.
And she said "Those are my emergency flashers!"
A blonde is on a four-engine plane. All of a sudden there's
a loud bang. The pilot comes on the radio and says, "I'm
sorry, our first engine has just shut off. We'll be delayed
45 minutes."Then there's another bang. Once again, the radio comes on
and the pilot says the same thing except that the second
engine shut down and that they'll be delayed nearly two hours.
After that, the third engine shuts off and the pilot tells
the passengers that they will be delayed 3 hours. The
blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man,
if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day."
A blonde is looking through the classifieds for a job
when she sees an opening at the M&M factory:
"No experience needed! Start work the first day.!" So
the next day she goes over bright and early and lands
a job as the candy inspector, throwing out all the
defective M&M's.
The next week the boss calls her into his office and says,
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go."
"Why?" she asks. "What did I do wrong?"
He frowns and says, "I've been watching you for a week
trying to figure out what you were doing, and I finally
figured it out this morning. Apparently, you've throwing
out all the M&M's with W's on them.""
parent teacher conference
learned my lesson
brocolli
pro tip
pulled my tit
our cell phone
is it just me
28 minutes
I wonder
catch a big fish
almost done
a new golf ball
alligators
tell the nurse
the best way
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