THE POSTMAN
did you ever notice how things disappear?
like how bout inferiority complex? We do
not use those words anymore, its sortof a
left over from the 60s, right? Nobody wants
to be called inferior. Everything is supposed
to be "think positive" these days, right?
So you know the best way to do that?
First put a bumper sticker on your car that
says "Honk if you think I am sexy" Then, just
sit at all the green lights! You will feel
better about yourself in no time!
ENJOY THE JOKES
A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As it made its
appearance it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Ma'am, have you
ever slept with a black man?" She said, "Well, yes, but only once." "Once is
all it takes," he replied. Then the torso appeared and it was yellow. "Ma'am,
have you ever slept with an Asian man?" the doctor asked. "Well, yes," she
said, "but only once." "Once is all it takes," he said. When the legs appeared
they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian and
she said, "only once" and he replied that that was all it took. Then the doctor
held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. "Oh, thank God,"
she exclaimed, "at least it doesn't bark!"
A scientist named Walter invented a shrinking ray.
He tried it on himself, and it worked. Unfortunately he couldn't reverse the
process, and he was stuck being the size of a normal man's thumb.He had a loyal
lab assistant who worked with him, though, so his diminutive size didn't affect
Walter's work too much.Still, after a while, Walter began to long for female
companionship. His lab assistant thought up a highly unethical plan. He planned
to get a couple of ladies of the night, shrink them down to Walter's size, and keep
them shrunk until they could figure out a way to reverse the process.The lab
assistant went to Times Square and tried to get the young ladies, but it was
trickier than it seemed. They were reluctant to travel all the way to the lab, but the
lab assistant offered to double their usual rate, so they finally agreed.
As soon as they stepped into the lab, the assistant turned on the shrinking ray.
There was a flash of light and a puff of smoke, and when the air had cleared ---
the prostitutes were exactly the same size as they were before.
"What's the big idea? Eek!"One of the prostitutes saw Walter scurrying across the
floor and squashed him flat with her shoe. Walter was dead, and the experiment
was ruined.This was all because the lab assistant forgot what everyone already
knows: ... you can lead the whores to Walter, but you can't make 'em shrink
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know,
since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried
everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.The second Pastor
then said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've
set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said, "I had the same problem so I baptized
all mine and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks
for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the drunks orders
and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the
bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk
comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender.
Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money.
So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes
in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?"
replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
It's a baby camel goes to see his mother and asks her "Mom, why do we have a lump
on the back?" She replies "It is to be able to store the water for more time my darling."
The baby camel then asks "Ah, and why do we have hooves?" "It's to be able to pass
the hardest paths my darling." the mother replies "And why do we have big eyelids?"
asks the baby. "It's to prevent the sand from entering our eyes darling." replies the
mother "Oh, Ok" and the baby looks around him and turns to his mother: "But then
Mom, what are we doing in San Diego Zoo?"
if your palm itches
no breakfast
keep private
eat booty
the grass is greener
your bad day
can I ask you something
nurse
trying to sleep
tax
family reunion
the LSD wears off
real value
a decision was made
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