THE POSTMAN
Wow, been almost a week since I got an issue of this
thing done. No health issues, just lazy, I guess. Some
of you, like my buddy Teddy, wondered if there was something
wrong. Well there is a lotta things wrong in this world.
But the postman running outta jokes? nahh not gonna happen.!
Great Valentines day? The war department and me did the
typical, dinner and a concert. Simple pleasures for a simple
life, right? Dinner at our favorite local fast food
Mexican joint cuz they had a burrito BOGO. And then she
took me to the symphony, of all things. Now that may be
surprising for a guy like me. Dunno if I am a redneck,
but I am pretty sure that my neck is a little sunburned.
The war dept. has taught me over the years that that it
is possible to have a little culture aside from that in
your cottage cheese or buttermilk.:)
ENJOY THE JOKES!
One morning a man tells a coworker that her hair smells nice.
The woman gets enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares
she’s filing a sexual harassment suit.Come on, says the supervisor, what’s
wrong with a guy telling you your hair smells nice?
He’s a f****n’ midget
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told
him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a
sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how
will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a
postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not
knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six
months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office
and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today
from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait
until I get home and I will explain it to you.” Later that evening, the doctor came
home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics
rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked
what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card
and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”
Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned:
1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned:
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the taste.
WHAT IS PROMOTION AND MARKETING?
"If the circus is coming to town and you paint a sign saying "Circus
Coming to the Fairground Saturday," that's advertising.
If you put the sign on the back of an elephant and walk him into town, that's promotion.
If the elephant walks through the mayor's flower bed, that's publicity.
If you can get the mayor to laugh about it, that's public relations.
And if you planned the elephant's walk, that's marketing."
the first shot
what is he thinking
a guft
does it hurt
doesn't matter how cold it is
having a bad day
the door bell rings
yoga pants
my black cat
illegal dreamers
wind beneath my wings
I speak four languages
the sex is so good
judge others
an Amish girl
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